George

by Marlene

A day of happiness with the love of my life

A day of happiness with the love of my life

Right now it’s dark outside and another day has passed without my beloved George. How do I live when I’m numb with no energy. Or maybe a better way to describe this pain I’m feeling is a numbness with pins and needles running through my heart and an anxious lack of energy…there are no words to describe this pain but whatever it is I hurt more than I could ever imagine.

Eight days ago I lost my soul-mate George. The love of my life, the person that made me complete, the person that always brought a smile to my face, gave me warm and fuzzy feelings, the person that fit me like a worn out shoe and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I felt so complete around him. After so many years of my life never finding that one right person, I finally found my soul mate.

All I can think to do is write to cope with the terrible pain that I feel inside to keep his memory alive. But I’m afraid to think about our life together because when I allow myself to think of the little things that made me completely adore him and unconditionally love him it hurts so very much that I feel like my soul is tearing apart. I can’t handle the pain of not being able to be with George, to hold him, to laugh with him, to go on vacations with him, to watch TV with him, to dream about our plans together, to hear him call me sweetheart, baby, love of my life and on and on and on….I keep staring at his picture, reading his text messages while waiting for him to walk through the door with his special kiss. But I know that he will never walk through that door into my arms again. I can’t describe my terrible yearning for him. All the words I just wrote seem so inadequate not even anywhere near close to describing the pain of losing my one true love.

I feel like I'm being punished. I know I’m feeling a selfish pity for myself that this is all part of life but I can’t understand why I finally found my soul mate and after a little more than 5 short years together, as his caretaker I had to experience the most traumatic and excruciating pain of my life caring for him while I could do nothing more but to watch him die. In the many months of battling his illness, he was always concerned about friends and family. He never once cried or felt sorry for himself and after 13 painful months filled with hope then despair I lost him to a terrible illness called lung cancer.

George was such a genuinely good person who didn’t smoke and was only 38 years old. I don’t know why but I feel like I must have done something wrong. I can’t seem to make sense of why innocent children, good people, loved people, people who seem to have their whole lives ahead of them die in such a physically and emotionally painful way to such a cruel, painful and ugly diseases. At the same time I feel like the luckiest person in the world because in the short time I was blessed with George in my life, he taught more about kindness, love, humility and courage than any man I have ever known. The many life lessons he taught me has deeply enriched my life and those of my family. For the time I shared with George, I will be forever grateful. He was truly my best friend.

Some people live their whole life without meeting that special someone – their true soul mate. I finally found mine and he will live in my heart and soul forever and always.


Comments for George

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Sep 29, 2015
Me too!!!!
by: Dave's wife

New to the site. Lost my soul mate and finding it so difficult.No one can know unless you experience this horrific pain. It's been over a year and I still have trouble in my daily routine.Almost called it quits,but am looking for help.Hope to write back soon with good news.
God bless

Jun 28, 2015
So very sorry for your loss
by: Spencer

Hi Marlene,

I was doing a search for people who I used to know in high school, and I came across this page for George.

I wasn't that close of a friend of his, but a few times after college we did get together and play basketball. I lost touch with him after that.

Based on what you wrote, he sounds like a very wonderful person. I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my brother a couple years ago, so I know how painful it is to lose a loved one.

May you find peace during this difficult time.

Spencer

Jan 07, 2015
Much love to you
by: Anonymous

What a beautiful photo x
My thoughts go to you at such a difficult time.
I hope your able to be in a happier place again, and to grasp hold of fond memories that fill you will love and joy rather than sorrow and despair x

Dec 28, 2014
Peace to All as we face a New Year
by: Doreen UK

Julie I echo your sentiments to Marlene in your post. We face much Adversity in life as part of our life on this earth. We face daily trials to help strengthen our Faith, and often find ourselves losing our Faith. It is not something we anticipated or wanted. It is the new circumstances in our life that caused what we go through in life.
Often the first thing that comes into our mind is that we are being punished for something. This is our human condition that causes us to feel this way. But it is also the process of our Faith being tested and stretched beyond endurance sometimes. Whilst God is still watching over us to make sure we come through this and many more trials in our life here on earth.
It is because of sin on this earth that we suffer pain and grief and DEATH. But God made a way of escape for us by sending his Son Jesus to come to earth as a Baby, suffer a cruel death so that He could rise again and give us the Hope of not only eternal life, but that we find that Jesus is the way out of our sorrow, pain, fear, and every trial we face as He faced as He went before us to deliver us from them. This does not mean that we will be spared pain. It means that God will take our Pain and make something out of this that will bring us Healing and connection to other's going through the same pain and bring them Comfort and Hope till Jesus comes back to earth for us and deliver us from this sinful world. This is our HOPE. Deliverance, Salvation, and Trusting Jesus as our Way out of the Pain we bear. He is going through it with us.
Keep trusting. Keep Hoping, Keep Praying, and rest in Jesus as our Healer.

Dec 27, 2014
You are in my prayers
by: Julie

I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my dad April10,2014 three weeks later my sister died . My world has been a nightmare for the past 8 months. I felt like my family was being punished by God , I am so crushed the pain is insane . I started listening to a Christian station on the drive to work , At this point I was losing my faith big time. The words in so many songs were about things I was going thru with these 2 losses. I am telling you the music helps prayer helps , just trust God and talk to him . He understands your pain and he loves you vety much. I don't know why he took the love of your life away , but we have to trust God and just pray and ask him for strength to get you thru this storm . You are in my prayers , take care !!

Oct 21, 2014
It's OK to feel robbed
by: Anonymous

It's OK to feel robbed, to feel your life was stolen. It was. Cancer is vicious and evil that way. It steals until there is nothing left.
You may feel you did something wrong - you did not. It might help to just remind yourself of that every day, until you believe it again. Hang in there.
A couple years ago, I wrote story on this web site called "Our Life." Maybe it will help, as I felt similarly. Maybe it won't. Things have improved since then, as one would anticipate they would. But I still miss my partner and the life we had. It's just easier now.
Yeah, it will get better, but yeah, it sucks right now and it hurts so bad. Hang in there.
Jim

Oct 16, 2014
George
by: Doreen UK

Marlene I understand your deep RAW GRIEF PAIN. This is a pain like nothing one has ever felt before. None of us knew what grief pain felt like till we went through it. For me it was like an explosion blew me up and I was in pieces and I had to get up and act normal and continue with life as if nothing happened because my family needed me.
I lost my precious husband of 44yrs. to lung cancer 2yrs.5months ago. His cancer started in his 20's as he cut asbestos as a young carpenter. The fibres lodged in the lining of his lungs and took 40yrs. to develop. So he spent all his young life dying slowly and not knowing it. His cancer was inoperable, incurable, rare, and aggressive. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days before he died. I had to watch him die slowly and it was so painful. After he died I could not function for 6 months. I could do nothing but put food in the oven for my family and just watched TV. and God T.V. to help me move forward. I learnt on this site to TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. This is what I still do. This is how I have coped with my grief. I still run the home and do everything I have to which is twice as hard doing it on your own. But my strength comes from God who holds me up and allows me to go on in life each day. I know that I will see my husband again and this gives me hope and encouragement to keep on living and fighting another day.
You are young. You have your whole life in front of you. Don't look too far ahead. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. Get good family support and from friends who will walk with you through this valley of grief. We on this site will walk with you, and talk with you for however long you need this. Keep in touch and let us know how we can help you further. You will get your life back, but it will take a long time to recover from grief.

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