by Ginny
(Uttoxeter, England)

Six months ago my father died, 01.12.09, I hadn't spoken to him for a few years, my life had gotten better as a result of not speaking to him. Why because he didn't know how to communicate with women except through putting them down, he was angry at women, I happen to be a women. So I felt a huge loss, but eventually free when I made the decision to stop speaking to him.

Life went on, I got married to a wonderful man, who supports and loves me for who I am, and then I got the phone call that Dad was in hospital and did I want to see him before he died, I said no. I was asked again if I wanted to go and again I said no, my reasons were that I did not want to be left with a lasting memory of him being mean to me one last time.

I didn't trust that he might have changed, so I just went to the funeral, where I was numb, but did shed a few tears, now however sitting here six months later, I am crying and realising that I need to go down to the grave to really accept that he is dead and to grieve for all the times that we could have had, if only we could have found a way to communicate that was not destructive to us both.

Comments for Ginny

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Jun 07, 2010
Lost my dad 4/15/2010
by: Susan


I am so sorry for your loss and even more for the fact that you never had a dad like mine. I grieve all the time for my dad. He was a wonderful dad and I loved him so very much. I can't imagine the way you must feel not having a dad to go places with and to talk to about things that others didn't understand. I was so close to my dad and we went fishing together and enjoyed long talks about things in life. I do hope you are close to your mom and can have that closeness to one of your parents. I do feel your pain for your loss. Take care.

Jun 07, 2010
Angry Father
by: Anonymous

Dearest Ginny,

It is sad that your father treated you in such a way that you felt the need to stay away from him. It was not only a loss to you but to him also. My niece has just such a relationship with her father. He became very ill and we thought that he was dying. My daughter called my niece and told her that he would not be around much longer. His daughter swallowed her pride and decided to give her father one more chance. It was a mistake. He jumped down her throat the minute she walked into the room. She was hurt all over again.

It is sad not so much for her but for him. All he has left in this world is his 2 children and his brother. His son gave up on him many years ago but his daughter still clung to the hope that they could have a relationship. He is in a wheelchair in a rest home. No one comes to see him now but his brother. When he dies his brother will probably be the only one there along with my daughter of course. I never liked the man myself and since I divorced his brother many years ago, I do not feel the need to go either.

Do not feel guilty that you did not go see him when he was dying. He could have just hurt you again. I hope there are a few good memories for you to cling to.

I think it is good that you went to the funeral and I hope my niece will go when her father passes. I think it is closure and important to the grief process.

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