Glass half full

I lost my husband 18 months ago leaving me a 34 year old widow with a 3 year old and 1 year old to bring up alone. We found out that my husband was ill 3 years before he died. He was a very brave fighter but he increasingly drew into himself and his illness was very difficult to cope with. When he died I changed my life completely as I was ready to move on. I feel guilty about this everyday but I needed it to happen for my young boys. I have now been living in my new house for 8 months and 5 months ago started a new relationship. I feel so guilty about this too and am so convinced it can’t work because I am still grieving!! However I know for a fact I am further down my grief journey since meeting my new partner and that we are healing each other as he has been very hurt in the past. That’s not to say that with 4 kids between us things are far from rosy! Its hard work but I am determined to work it out.

Comments for Glass half full

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Mar 08, 2011
Can I help
by: Elisa Medhus, M.D.

You're brave. You have more courage than I and I tip my hat to you. You're moving forward because of love, not fear, and that's all that matters.

Mar 08, 2011
Life is a test
by: Glass half full

Hi Eunice
Thanks for your post in response to mine. Your experience is so very similar to mine. My husband died of liver problems due to Alpha 1 anti-trypsin deficiency. He too was on a transplant list but was considered too poorly, he would have seizures and his behaviour towards me was hurtful. Nobody has ever mentioned ammonia levels to me. My experience with the UK health service was terrible. No information, no help. I really hope you are coping ok. Life is a test.

Mar 08, 2011
Yes it is... :)
by:

Starting over is one thing. But "starting over!" yeah really scary. I'll bet that its grief but alot of guilt mixed in with the equation. We feel as if we are betraying the one that we loved. It makes it sooo hard to start over. To possibly !Love? another? impossible!

I am not to that point yet but I can tell you meeting someone to share you joys and sorrows with being able to be yourself baggage and all is great. Don't let the past impede your future and by the way bravo for having a relationship with kids too. Especially young ones wow. This is your chance to start over don't let guilt guide you but happiness. All the best to you...
HH

Mar 08, 2011
Hello
by: Eunice

Losing your husband as you did when you were 34 and left with 2 young sons to raise, was by no means an easy thing to have to go through. Most likely your husband did as he did, thinking to not show you just how bad he was really hurting. A lot of times when a person with a serious illness from which there's no recovery and knows they're going to die, they will go through stages. Some of them do include anger and denial. My husband had been chronically ill since 2008, when I nearly lost him then and he spent nearly a month in Jacksonville,FL in the ICU for nearly the whole time. I had known at the time from the way the doctors had talked that he had and was suffering from a failing liver and unless he could get on a transplant list fairly quick, he only had at the most 15 months left. He didn't know all that to start with. He was going on what the doctors had told him at the VA, oh he wouldn't have no problems for at least 10 years, boy were they wrong. Despite his many hospital stays, he never gave up, and even going through a transplant evaluation, in which the last of the 3 surgeons we talked to pretty much told him that since he was in a wheelchair, that he wasn't a good candidate, that he would have to be able to go through rehab and learn to walk on an artificial leg before being considered. Well, that never happened because he couldn't stay out of the hospital long enough because of all the blood transfusions. There were times I found myself trying to pull away from him, thinking that by attempting to shut myself off from him emotionally, losing him wouldn't hurt near as bad, but I couldn't keep it up, I loved him too much, and there were times when the ammonia levels in his brain would raise and make him mentally different, and he would say hurtful things. Then on his final admission to the hospital in Oct. of last year, the liver disease hit his kidneys and shut them down, and I lost him in Nov. So maybe in his own way he was trying to save you pain, knowing you were gonna be left raising 2 sons. It probably wouldn't hurt to find a grief counceling center somewhere and go as a family. I know the one here locally even has a camp for kids 17 and under to help them deal with their loss, it's through Hospice. There's no reason to feel guilty and I don't believe your husband would have wanted to feeling guilty, after all, he knows you've got your life as well as the lives of your 2 sons to go on with. God bless you in the future
1 day ~ 1 step

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