God I'm lonely

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God I'm lonely

by Judy
(Rockledge FL)

Last night the auction company came and took the last of Barry's collection of military and military historical book collection away to auction. For some reason this was harder on me emotionally than parting with his prized collection items. They brought me a nice check for the collection items that were sold , but somehow the money doesn't offset the feeling of emptiness that I feel when I look at the empty bookshelves. I feel like the last bits of him are slowly disappearing and soon his time on earth will be completely forgotten by everyone, save me. My house looks like I'm moving in or moving out. I don't really know which one it is. Is it me, the single woman, moving in, or is it me, the sad and lonely widow, moving out? I don't know.

My grief support group says you just have to wait and God will move in His time, open doors and show you the way. While my faith is strong, and has sustained me through this experience, I am just tired. Tired of coping, tired of hustling each month to get along, tired of the loneliness and solitude, tired of waiting for grief to subside. Why can't this just be all over?

I miss Barry so much. Baby I miss you so much.

JM

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God I'm lonely

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Trust God
by: Anonymous

I have been a widow for 2 years plus and it is a difficult thing. The loneliness comes to me very often and sometimes my face is washed with tears. I am Christian and I thank God for keeping my mind that I do not become depressed. I have met someone who is a Christian as well and I am in love with him but I still think about my deceased husband. I realize that God is in control of my life and that I must move on because if I continue to grieve then I feel depression would try to reside in my heart. My children and I never would have gotten this far without God in our lives. He has kept us and will continue to keep us. I don't know your situation of how you became a widow but I am saying even though the spirit of loneliness try to take over our mind we have to believe that we are conquerors through Christ Jesus and He will never leave nor forsake us. Give it to Jesus and begin to live again. It is okay to think of your love one but just know they will not live again on this land. Move on in life and ask God to help you to make it. I am praying and trusting God that the man I am seeing now that God will soon allow us to become as one. He loves me and my children and I know God will keep us. I say to widows out there!! You can begin again just accept that God makes no mistake. Loneliness happens when you have been with your spouse for all those years and suddenly you will never see or hear his voice again!! but we have got to keep moving on and believing that God will be our husband. God will give you just what you need but it is up to you if you will receive it. Be bless in the Lord!!

squshing the lonliness for Judy and Jen
by: Mari

My goodness but I have asked myself the same questions. What a year it has been. I could write a book.

I have asked myself what I am to do the rest of my life without my husband? Loneliness is something I am well familiar with and I have heard the same at church from the widowed sisters. I see women sitting with their husbands in church and wish mine was there with me. Anyway church helps me cope, and the word of God. I am busy. I manage the complex here and have church 4 times a week. I stay busy here because of the needs of tenants and working outside.If I am not busy I think too much.

As for saving things of my husbands I saved what meant most, pictures and some of his clothes. I wear his pajamas to bed. I have little things. The pictures mean the most and I have many pictures. My favorite pic is one of us where the love can be seen in his eyes, love for me. I sure miss that man.

Yep. Being a widow is crappy but being a child of God is wonderful. He brings me joy in times of sorrow and helps me to cope. As for you two ladies I would sure have the coffee ready if you were around California.

We just have to go on. I had a bad day the day before yesterday and I mean bad. Then something came to me. ''I will never leave you nor forsake you.'' Jesus was laying that on my heart. So God bless both of you and keep posting on this awesome board. Take care. Mari

God I am lonely
by: jules

Judy, take heart - we on here know what you are going through - there are days when the loneliness is overwhelming - sometimes even when you are surrounded by people. I know there are people who care about me, who love me, and are there for me, but the one I really want is not there, it is racing towards the 12 month anniversary of Johns death, and I have scratched the date off the calendars in my house, and my diary.

My daughter hasn't even turned her calendar over to this month, her, her husband and kids and I are planning to go down the coast for the weekend of the anniversary, just to be in a different place, but my poor son is alone 1000k away - he has his partner with him, but I wish he could be with us at this time.

But the loneliness - I was out on Saturday night with some friends, and listening to music, they started to play a song, and I was right there surrounded by people, but all alone.

I have moments of reflection when I wonder how I can keep going, I don't feel I am a person who was made to live alone, but what do I do? I am alone, and I have to face it and make the most of what I do have. I am lucky in that I have a lot -
friends, family, house, caravan and car.

My brother is coming up to stay with me for a while in couple of weeks, and that will be good.

Keep on going, I can't say it will get better, but the times of absolute despair do get further apart, writing on this site has helped me immensely, it is like having a counsellor 24/7 - and there are people out there a lot worse off than me.

jules

So am i....and its awfull
by: jen

Hi,
Nearing 2 unbelievable years into this unwanted journey the loneliness now is one of my biggest problems.

In my heart i know now that Richard is never coming home to us and how horrific is that. The man i married 20 years ago is gone................

We just have to do what we can and much as a lot of my days are reasonable, some days just crumble from start to finish and it's really really hard.
I'm feeling like that right now but i put that down to the time of year. Come saturday 6 nov, two years ago richard left this house and never came home again.

We will get there, wherever there is, but it's an awful journey to try and find it and we will search for a long time.

I love this site and just wish we could all meet up for coffee but it's great how people so far apart can help one another.

Stay in touch with us all

Jen x

Squashing the loneliness
by:

Judy,

I know how much you miss Barry. Going through their things makes it so much harder. It's as if we are trying to release the things that make us sad but it just makes us sadder... I got rid of some VHS no monetary value. Donated them to the Purple Pride store run by the Kids at the HS to gear them towards entering society, making a living etc. But the Fact that some of these VHS were taped and had HIS handwriting on them before the stroke. I could not bear to toss them. So they did, as a favor.

Soon I will be forced to go through more things as I ready the house for the remote possibility that his family Might come up for Thanksgiving. Anyone who knew and loved Paul Holt or Larry Holt his brother who died less than a month ago is welcome with open arms.

The psychological part going through 2 rooms that have just been more or less storage rooms since Paul died. I get to a point and come across Paul stuff then, I'm done. I know enough to hold on to certain things for the kids but in the mean time I need to view it and shove it back. Usually Hospital bracelets pictures etc.

The monetary gain from selling anything would mean nothing to me either. Just Cause more pain as I try to start this new life that I don't want.

And I really don't get this waiting game either. What, one day it just won't hurt? The sun will shine a little brighter?

So I just go through the motions trying to be Hope. Not Hope without Paul Just Hope as I was one day long ago before I met him, adjusted of course 20 years later.

So.....Lets say, I have never been to the Urbanna Oyster festival, Don't really like oysters but, There is music crowds that I don't care for lots of ways to blow money but it is something to do, something that I have never done.

Is that it? Go do things that you have always wanted to or don't want to for the sake of just getting out instead of sitting on your ass thinking gee this sucks. Don't much care for this widow stuff here and acceptance? Accept What?

Can't be like it was and don't know what I am supposed to do except keep on going. And if I do things that I have never done perhaps just maybe it will suffocate the loneliness.

No expert just wondering uh where do we go from here?

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