God I'm lonely
Last night the auction company came and took the last of Barry's collection of military and military historical book collection away to auction. For some reason this was harder on me emotionally than parting with his prized collection items. They brought me a nice check for the collection items that were sold , but somehow the money doesn't offset the feeling of emptiness that I feel when I look at the empty bookshelves. I feel like the last bits of him are slowly disappearing and soon his time on earth will be completely forgotten by everyone, save me. My house looks like I'm moving in or moving out. I don't really know which one it is. Is it me, the single woman, moving in, or is it me, the sad and lonely widow, moving out? I don't know.
My grief support group says you just have to wait and God will move in His time, open doors and show you the way. While my faith is strong, and has sustained me through this experience, I am just tired. Tired of coping, tired of hustling each month to get along, tired of the loneliness and solitude, tired of waiting for grief to subside. Why can't this just be all over?
I miss Barry so much. Baby I miss you so much.