God is a man

by Colleen
(South Africa)

I have decided that God is a man. It is normally the husbands that die first, leaving all the grieving wives on their own sometimes for years. The second reason is that last night the pipe on the toilet decided to blow at 10pm, so there I am sitting with water spurting all over the place and no Bruce to help fix it, needless to say I sat in all this water having a complete meltdown.

I am so tired of trying to be the man of the house and the woman and it is only two months how are we supposed to cope on our own. Will someone please let me off this endless cycle of despair.

Gotta go there is a storm outside and the swimming pool is over flowing PLEASE HELP

Comments for God is a man

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Jan 20, 2011
by: Mari

If we widows were all on an island together we would just be crying all the time, not only for us but for each other.

Why God fixed it so women outlive men by 7 yrs (usually) I cannot figure out. That is one reason there are more widows here on this board then widowers.

As for us not knowing what to do when there are plumbing problems, it is because women as a rule do not consider fixing toilets their dream job so don't learn. Using a plunger is the most I have done as regards toilets. Managing this complex, I have seen plumbing problems from Hades where tons of water comes down from a top unit to the unit below. These problems seem to happen on weekends when no one is easy to get ahold of. We had one recently that destroyed the rug in one of the bottom units. The problem involved 2 units below and above and I sent all weekend contacting people or trying to. Now my husband would have gotten quicker results when I tried to call my ins. company for my unit 5 times and there was no one available til Monday. I can just hear the language he would have used. He took care of major tasks and besides people seem to listen better to men, especially ones who made themselves heard like my husband.

So anyway as regards toilets I am getting new ones when the finances permit. Take care. there is alot we can do that men can't do.

Jan 19, 2011
plumbing disaster
by: Mari

A couple of months ago huge amounts of water started to spew from the sink. Then the hose came off from the washer and food poured out along with a dead mouse. It was a weekend. I called the insurance company 5 times and they said was it an emergency? An emergency? The whole living room was flooded. no plumbers til Monday.

My husband would have gotten results quicker believe me, he would have said it like it was.
My grandaughter and I used every towel in the house, sheets blankets everything to soak up the stuff and the plumber didn't show til Monday.
Well, I sure knew how my husband would have handled it, but I ended up with 3 plumbers from the one ins. company and got new carpeting from the homeowners ins.

They had to remove pieces of wall and put huge fans all over the place to dry the old carpeting. The smell was not good. So I know what problems can arise and I had to take care of it.

The good part. I chose the color I wanted the kitchen painted and the carpeting I wanted.
I hate to think of what kind of language my husband would have used when no one could out before Monday.

And so it goes. We have to cope. Life goes on. And God will help us. I always wonder what will go next as these places are not new.

Well. Stay busy and let go of the past. I am doing alright. I always have my husband in my heart. There is an appointed time for all of us. Plumbing problems are unfortunately part of life along with a lot of other stuff. I handle the whole complex. We had severe plumbing problems in 2 top units that flooded the bottom units. Of course it was the weekend. Let me tell you, I called everybody and no one picked up and it had to wait til Monday. I just said,''Well Lord. I need your help.'' And so it goes.

Jan 18, 2011
Survivor Island
by: M Mack


Yeh....I like that idea. Maybe we could even make a buck with that one. We'd fit the mode just perfect, crying all the time, trying to survive!

Jan 17, 2011
Survivor Island for widows?

M Mack:) I just pictured us widows on that goofy show? survivor island? Yeah all us widows trying to survive with a piece of string and a tree..
Sorry But it did paint an unusual picture of us all crying and trying together...

Jan 17, 2011
So Many Widows So Few Men
by: Pat

You are right. I'm sure God is a man. There seem to be so many widows out here and very few widowers. I'm comparing the widows to the widowers in our church congregation the past two years. It's not a large church ~ 6 widows ~ 0 widowers in the past two years.

My husband was ill for so long I did everything myself for the past 3 years. I'm not good at plumbing though. I do have a dear friend of his that called me several days ago. He informed me that my husband asked him to watch out for me. I would definitely give him a call if I needed any type of help that involved tools. Don't be afraid to call upon friends for help.

I wish I were there with you in South Africa. I feel for you. Why do all of these things seem to happen at night when we seem to be so much more vulnerable? My car brakes went out two weeks after my husband passed away on December 3, 2010. After I cried for 6 hours I called my brother-in-law who hooked me up with his very reasonable mechanic. I didn't have a clue. Don't feel like you are intruding asking for ~ HELP!! We need help.

Jan 17, 2011
by: zoe

You know its funny, I put together a stand for behind the toilet in my bathroom and of course, the parts didn't exactly fit. First of all John would have done this, but even if I had started it he would have been in there helping or making things fit.

It turned out I had to hammer the thing into place. So I sat in the floor of the bathroom for a very long time. See I have never opened John's tools. He had taken them out of the truck when he was sick and sat them in the apartment, they were packed and moved up to the house I bought, but I have never looked in there. So I had a choice, force myself to look in the tools he used all the time or leave this thing half hanging off the wall.

As tempted as I was to just leave it there, I forced myself down stairs and opened the tool box. I haven't cried that hard in a while, it is just one more thing that is gone. I didn't have to use the tools, I had John, now I don't have John and I have to hammer things into place.

That is what all of this is; just hammering things into place. Nothing fits anymore, so we force it and it is just never right.

I cannot do this without him, I do not want to.

One step one breath.. one day at a time.


Jan 17, 2011
God is a man
by: M Mack


It's a good thing God doesn't put all the grieving widows on ONE continent... What a mess that would be. I too find myself in a disaster knowing if he was here, it would get fixed- it would be ok!

Hang in there the best you can. I would cry for you but I'm all cried out today, tears replaced by gloomy sadness. There has to be a better road for us and I hope we find it soon.

Let the pool overflow, the toilets break and the snow around here could pile up over the roof. For now, I can't worry about it. One breath, one step one day....you're in my prayers.

Jan 17, 2011
by: Anonymous

We don't understand why things happen like they
do. We don't understand the ways of God. His plans for us take us in all directions. And grief
takes us through all the emotions of the human spirit. You have my deepest sympathy, dear, and
ask God for guidance in your life and strength
for each day. Don't give up. Things will change
soon. We have strength within ourselves we don't know we have until we need it. Blessings to you.

Jan 17, 2011
I can't do this!!! Yes you can...


Oh how I know that feeling. Although in a modern marriage meaning: whoever got home started dinner, did laundry, did homework with the kids etc.

But, there were still things that he did as a man and I did as a woman. Having to take over the manly jobs knowing absolutely nothing about it is absolutely awful!

Do you have brothers? Male friends that can first help as you learn? I had to rely heavily on my brothers when Paul first died. Not only did I not know how to do certain things I would burst out crying with the memory in my mind of him.

I have been there, dear Colleen and I can see you now sitting in all that water. Find out where the main valve is to shut off ALL the water. At least things will not be flooded while you try to find out what is burst and how to hah hah hah weld it...Yeah I can see myself welding a pipe.

No I can see Paul Welding a pipe but not me.
I know it is so hard to think now, But as panic tries to surround you as you stand helpless. Try to do the 1-2-3 dealio.

#1- How do I stop this?

#2- I'll clean this mess up and figure something out in the morning

#3- who could help me figure this stupid stuff out?

We are not the inferior sex nor the weaker sex, just used to having a man around the house. And without them we are so so lost...

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