God's Will

by Liz
(Monroe, La)

I truly believe it was God's will that Tommie is gone. He had a beautiful sense of humor and a heart as big as Texas. We were married for eighteen years. The years were filled with joy and sadness. We had plans to do so much once he retired. When he retired he got prostate cancer. He did radiation therapy and was good.
He then got pneumonia and was treated with antibiotics.

Then he had a mild stroke, therapy and he was good. Next was a mild heart attack and pneumonia. For the next four years every two or three months a hospital visit. But he survived but he lost a little of his humor with every hospital stay. He lost a little of his independence and became sad and angry. I did not blame him. But I became afraid and sad because I felt him giving up. I did not know what to do except to be there. The last year of his life we did not have any hospital stays. I in my eternal hopeful state thought we would finally have at least ten or twenty more years.

But it was not to be. On September 28, 2010 we got up and I checked his sugar. It was good. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and fix breakfast. He went to the bath room. I put breakfast on the table. When I looked in the bathroom he was just sitting there not moving. I called his name ran into the bathroom and shook him he did not move. I pressed his life alert.
When the ambulance and paramedics came they worked with him and took him to the hospital. He survived overnight. But that morning he coded. They called me and told me that his heart had stopped. He had a pacemaker I thought. He can not be gone. I could not see his eyes. I knew if he opened his eyes every thing would be okay. But he did not. We had come through so
many close calls. He was my life and now he was gone. GONE! I could not believe it.

What was I to do? I cried, sobbed, waited, nothing changed. It was true. So I cried, went to bed, stayed awake, ate, did not eat. One second at a time one minute at a time one hour at a time. Now one day at a time. I survived. Almost three months I survived.

It has been very hard. Trying not to go crazy, trying not to worry my friends and family. Leaning and trusting on Jesus. God's will has been done. I have to live with it until we meet again.

My heart goes out to any one who has suffered the loss of their significant other. It is especially sad at Christmas time. We remember the sacrifice that God made for us He gave His only begotten son. Be Blessed this Christmas season and hold on to the knowledge that
God makes no mistakes. Love lives forever in our hearts.

Comments for God's Will

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Dec 25, 2010
God's will
by: Lyn Ann

Hi Liz - I lost my husband Jim about 5 weeks ago after an 8 month battle with cancer. I can completely relate to the way that you had hoped for more time. And also to how each hospital visit takes a small piece out of your soul (not only his but yours). One of the first positive emotions I remember feeling after Jim died was an overwhelming relief that (God willing) I would never have to walk into the Cancer centre again. And then very soon afterwards I felt guilty for feeling good about that...

Throughout the first part of Jim's cancer battle I prayed constantly for a healing, figuring that if I just prayed hard enough it would happen. However I now realise that my understanding of healing was very different that God's. Jim was never, ever, in any pain, and he went quickly and on his own terms - both of those things were, in hindsight, an answer to my prayer for healing. And there were so many small miracles along the way that I have no doubt that God was answering my prayers.

Life is very hard at the moment, but then again, it is supposed to be. God expects us to grieve - as Pat said the more we loved the more we grieve. I can't speak for anyone else, but prayer gives me peace and has helped me cope.

I will add my prayers to yours. Lyn Ann

Dec 24, 2010
Yes God's Will
by: Pat J

I just lost my husband Joe three weeks ago today. He was on the UNOS list for cardiac transplant. We had such high hopes right up to the last moment. I prayed for God's will. It was difficult for me to pray for a transplant knowing that meant a family somewhere would be grieving for a young family member (most likely following a tragic accident). I couldn't pray, "Dear God please give my husband a heart." I could only pray for God's will.

So Joe is with God and will wait there until I join him. I have a huge void in my heart but I know there is really something to rejoice in the birth of God's son. My pain is very fresh and I pray daily for peace in my soul. I know it will happen but it will take time.

Joe was in the hospital more than he was home this past year. He fought so hard to live and I find myself questioning God although I know I should not. I should be thankful for the three additional years we had following his initial heart attack in 2007. We grieve so hard because we loved so deeply.

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