Going about life, but never happy

It has been 5 months since you were taken away from me. I know you did not want to leave. I know you could not have imagined leaving me. I know you loved me more than life. And i love you. I have tried to move on. For dad and mom. And for you. I go to work, go out with friends and stuff at times but I am basically living for them, dad and ma. I know that when they will go away too, I will be all alone. you were meant to be around to take care of your little bro. Now with you gone I feel so dead. I miss u,miss u,miss u. I lose my temper all the time now and am mean to people for no reason and hate myself for it. I wish I could just come to you and hug you.I cant even do that. I have to stick around for mom and dad. I cant deal with so much responsibility, I am 23! Every day is torture and I am still supposed to live? Why should I? How is that fair Di? I want to go away to a beach with you, we can sit there all day and talk, like we used to, i have so much I need to tell you that I cant tell anyone else.And then I'll take you shopping. Ill paint you a portrait, if you promise to sit still, and we can have ice cream at midnight. Just come back Di. I cannot live like this. I cannot live without you. Plz just come back.

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Jul 14, 2013
Going about life, but never happy
by: Anonymous

When I read your title, I almost felt that this is how I am right now, "going about life, but never happy".Breathing but not alive and always walking with a fake smile. Having faced the pain of losing my brother myself,I can certainly understand what you're going through. Death is cruel and merciless for taking our siblings away from us and leaving us and our family shattered and torn. I had so much to say and so much to do for him but he was taken away from us. Like you, I also have to take care of my parents who are heartbroken after losing their son.I try to be the strong one so that I can take care of them but from the inside, I am wounded and weak. Dear you, I can't say that time will heal everything but what time does is that it gives you a chance to gather your pieces and pull yourself up again for yourself and for your sibling who would not want you be in this state and for the people who care for you.Memories are all we have, cherish them and this will be our strength. Take care and we all are together in this.

Apr 08, 2013
thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you Doreen. I do not know whether i can seek outside help. It just seems too impersonal. But i know that you speak from personal experience and obviously mean me well. Thank you for that.So i will get it when i feel a bit more stable maybe.I am ok with looking after my parents alone and they look after me more than i do for them mostly anyway. I have the best parents anyone could have. I also had the best sister in the world. She has always been my best friend and basically who i have lived for all my life. So i am finding this very difficult. Just to find a reason to live to latch on to. I might try charity because she loved helping others as i had thought i would feel closer to her that way. We both loved reading a lot. But i cannot read anymore without feeling sad because we used to share and discuss books all the time. I have had such a sheltered life and found it easy to be happy always. Now its like i can barely feel anything. I just do not know at all how to get myself together. I am all in pieces and its like i would rather not live anymore.
Thanks for listening through my ranting.

Apr 08, 2013
Going about life, but never happy
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your brother/sister this is unclear. But you are in the most terrible pain of grief due to this loss. You will be feeling like this for a long time. It seems as if your brother and you were so close and bonded together where he could understand you. You are caring for both your parents at such a young age of 23yrs. which means you will be putting your life on hold just now from doing what you want to do.
You will also be feeling the burden of grief interfering with these caring responsibilities. This is normal. You could benefit from seeing a grief counsellor who would help you move forward from your grief just now and help you cope better and perhaps put a lot of things into some perspective so you can see clearly through life. You can still have a life and also care for your parents. Otherwise you may become frustrated with life burdened with the care of parents that you have to do on your own now and wont' be a shared responsibility. Try and get outside support. It will amaze you how better you can feel with the right support. Grief is a process and it is painful. But you have no choice to go on with the life you have. It doesn't have to end when we lose a loved one. It feels this way and most of us wish our lives can end. WE will keep moving in and out of such feelings for some time. We become devastated and confused and don't know how to go on in life. You are not alone. Everyone who has lost someone feels the same way. But as the days go on life becomes easier. We may never get our lives back to the way it was and have the same level of happiness. The has gone from us. But we have to re-learn now to rebuild our lives to become manageable and happier. It can be done.

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