(Boonah, Qld, Australia)
I don't know if it is the current situation with people losing so much in the floods here in Queensland, but I am feeling so low at the moment.
I don't want to go through the rest of my life alone - I am not a person who does "alone", I feel overwhelmed a lot of the time. At times I don't even know if it is John that I miss, or just the knowledge that "someone" is there for me - no matter what. I thought I was getting better with all of this, but apparently not - how am I going to go on - I feel sad, I cry easily, that turn to sobs.
I worry how I will cope in every aspect of this life, physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally.
I have good friends and family, but they can't be there for me all the time - John and I were together for 42 years - with a slight hiccup in the middle - I knew I could rely on him for support and a sane voice to ground me when I needed grounding.
I make decisions then doubt them, I have good intentions to do this or that - then when the time comes I doubt if I can do it.
Being able to write all this on here is a big help - doesn't really solve my problem, but puts it in perspective, and I know that some gorgeous person out there will have some wise and comforting words for me.
Time to get up -
one breath - one step