Going forward

by Janet
(Dallas, Tx)

I lost my husband very suddenly in Corozal, Belize Central America 3 months 21 days hours and 31 minutes ago. Yes I do keep track of the months, days and time of his death. We made many friends and enjoyed playing darts with them while we were there. We had planned on retiring there. I am returning this summer for two weeks to see all of my friends and spend some time with them as I miss them very much. I have learned in dealing with his death and the grief of his passing that I will eventually return there to retire permanently. That was a dream of ours and it is something I want for me and for him. He was happy and all he talked about was getting his residency there as that was something that was very important to him and I supported him 100% on it. It is something I want and I will get it and hopefully my citizenship there also.
I know that I must move forward and I am learning to deal with being alone, though not very well some days. I am doing a 5 weeks of grief sessions but not sure if that is where I need to be. I feel worse today than when I started going to the first one on Sunday. I am beginning to see life differently and I am learning that it is okay to ask for help which is not something I am used to. I get very frustrated when you ask someone or an agency for help and they tell you one thing and then do not follow through with it. I have several things I need to do to our home and no seems to want to give you guidance or directions or where to go or what to do. I am beginning to hate these so called senior adult services because when you mention you are on a limited income that just do not respond to you. It is like you have the plague or something. As big as my city is they do not have a Senior Adult Services organization for this county. Farmers Branch, Carrollton, Plano and Addison do but because I live in Dallas County I do not qualify for their help and I am only 3 miles from them, which sucks. Sorry but my frustration with the State of Texas is beginning to show a bit and I never thought I would ever say that as I am Texas born and raised.
I have no family that wants to have anything to do with me because I became a Catholic except my son who is currently unemployed and living with me. Extended family are all out of the country so there is no help there. I have no support system and that really is a big pain as I have not met anyone except at the grief session on Sunday that is going through or has gone through this. People you thought were you friends just suddently drop you, which to me means you were not a true friend to begin with.
I have no motivation to do anything. I know that I need to start an exercise routine and all of that stuff but I do not have the energy nor the will power to do it at this point. I am not depressed as I know very well what depression is all about as I have been there before and I am not willing to travel that road ever again.
I respond to some blogs out there and I cry when I am responding to alot of them as I know where you are coming from but that is all.
I do apologize for my comments tonight but I guess that I needed to get them out of my system in order to move on. One step, one breath, one day at a time and I am trying very hard to do that, just that some days are worse than others. God Bless all of you and may He hold you in the palm of His Hand.

Comments for Going forward

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Feb 24, 2012
I Said A Prayer For You
by: Janet

I want to take a minute to thank all of you who left a comment. I do not know if you realize just how much that means to me. This seems to be my Support System at this point in my life. The other day was not a good day. Yesterday was better and today was kind of mediocore. I am thankful that I am thankful that I have found this site and I can express my feeling be it a good day or a bad day. I know that it will get better but when know one knows.
My son got back from Bible Study this evening later than usual. They had gone to the GateWay Church in South Dallas. He told his friend Robert that he was not comfortable when he walked in. Robert asked him why and his response was "It is to big." They and one of the members of the church got to talking and my son told the church member that only 10% were God Fearing Christians and the rest were Sunday Christians. It took a minute before it sank in but what he said made a lot of sense. I guess that is the main reason I have not gotten active in Church again is because only 10% are God Fearing Christians and the rest are not. My great grandfather was asked why he did not go to church on Sundays. I remember his response so well, "I do not need to go to church to worship God because I worship him everyday." It took many years for that to sink in and make some sense to me but he was so right in what he said. I worship God everyday and I see his beautiful creations everytime I look at a tree, a flower, hear a bird sing or what the clouds go floating by in the sky above. He is here with us every day and most of the time no one takes the time to see what he has created or the wonders that are here on this earth even in our daily lives. There is a poem that comes to mind and I do not know who the author is but it goes like this,
I said a prayer for you today and know that God must have heard -- I felt the answer in my heart although He spoke no word. I didn't ask for wealth or fame I knew yuou wouldn't mind, I asked Him to send treasures of a far more lasting kind. I asked that He'd be near you at the start of each new day. To grant you health and blessings and friends to share your way. I asked for happiness for you in all things great and small, but it was for His loving care I prayed the most of all.
To all of you "I Said A Prayer For You Today" is my gift to you for being so caring in the journey that we all travel. Thank you and May God hold each and all of you in the palm of his Hand. May He guide each one of us as we travel this road. May we all find comfort in knowing that he is close at hand.

Feb 23, 2012
by: Pam

Hi I am sorry for you loss.
I know how it is really I lost my husband Oct 5 2011 Its like he was ripped out of my heart.
We also had plans that when he got out of the hospital that we were going on a very long vacation. Maybe a cruise. But instead he passed away the next day. A blood clot In his lung.

He was my best friend sole mate and husband we were married almost 37 years. All I do is cry and pace the floors and I havent found any help around here to talk with me about the grief I am going thru.
Unlike most people we were together 24/7 worked together and lived together. I never left the hospital while he was there I was there also even when I had to sleep in the van cause he was in a icu without a bed for me to sleep there.
and he would beg for them to let me stay in his room with him he hated being without me by his side. I am still in the stage where I cry and dont know who or what I am without him. I didnt have a life away from him. So who is Pam

Feb 22, 2012
It's what we are here for
by: Zoe

This place, this site one of the most helpful parts of it is you can come anytime day or night and you can say what you need to say without judgement.
I did want to proffer an observation about your friends not calling. We have all felt that after almost two years I have come to see that in the beginning, when they are going back to their lives their "normal" you are moving at a different speed clinging to that moment just before he was gone. In many cases they are not moving away from you they are moving and you are not. Also widows make people very uncomfortable. We are a constant reminder that your life, no matter how loved or how well lived, it can be gone on the blink of an eye. We are proof not only of the mortality of the individual but of a love nurtured and cared for. We shake their foundation. And honestly many people do not know what to say... How many I'm sorry's can you offer before it sounds fake even to your own ears. They do not understand you don't need them to talk, you need them to listen. Listen to you tell of his death over and again while u work it through in ur own head
Come here when you need to vent even about things like Texas we have all had to deal with some government issue and like grief while ours may be different in specifics we do understand
And as always
One breath dine step one day at a time

Feb 22, 2012
Going Forward
by: Pat J.

Dear Janet,
It is so hard going forward without our spouses when our lives revolved around each other. The we has just become me.
I lost my husband of 46 years to a massive heart attack, on the 27th of June. Our wedding anniversary was the 26th of June. He had health issues, but our children and myself were told the week before he died, that he was not dying. Did the doctor lie to us; I don't think so. They are human also and I truly believe only God knows when our time on this earth is done.
I am Catholic, and I have really turned to my faith more than ever in m life. I find peace at church and prayers are what helped me get through the early days. I still fall asleep every night saying my rosary. I wake up with the rosary still in my hands and continue praying until I fall asleep again.
I know in my heart I will always be my husbands wife, even after his death. He always told me he would never remarry if I died first and he asked me not to also. I spent almoast 50 years with him; dating him at 15 and marrying him at 18. We grew up together and I cannot imagine ever sharing what we did with anyone else.
I too joined a grief support group through my church and I have developed a bond and friendship with three other widows. We all get it as we say. We feel like we have been friends forever; though we didn't know each other until after our husbands death. I have a great support system with them. I have a very supportive family, but they cannot truly understand my loss. A part of me died with my husband. Our lives are forever changed, but we have to go on.
Keep coming to this site-I do everyday.
Our husbands bodies are gone, but their spirit will live forever.

Feb 22, 2012
by: Anonymous

I'm sorry for your loss and all that you are going through, seems you are getting the run around from alot of people.
I lost my almost 3 year old grandson on Jan 9, 2012 due to drs negligence and it hurts so bad that I will never again get to hold my beautiful red headed blue eyed boy with the most contagious smile because of some idiot drs who think they are god.
I too attend grief glasses once a week, I attend with my son (Landon's daddy) and my two daughters ages 6 and 15. How the death of one little person can tear apart so many lifes.
I think it is because we as women love too much and hold on to the memories and that is what hurts, how can life go on without them, everywhere we look we see them, their things, clothes, favorite food, etc...
I do hope the people you have been trying to contact get in touch with you and that your son is able to find a job. If you ever want to talk/write my name is Ann and my email is azylo37@yahoo.com Hugs and much love to you

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