Going, going, gone

by Evie
(San Francisco)

My mother's body is actively dying now, but I'm not there. I believe her soul left us yesterday morning, when she fell & hit her head, resulting in traumatic brain injury. She's in a deep coma, and we are following her express wishes that her body be allowed to die naturally, without intervention, hydration, or other life support. Anticipating this possible circumstance, Mom had made prior arrangements with a dear friend to keep her bedside vigil in hospital until her body's life was done, which is now imminent.

It's hard not to be there, although I know she no longer is. Perhaps this way of taking leave is a blessing & a gift. The CAT scan shows massive subdural hematoma, with her brain so compressed by intracranial pressure that the two hemispheres are no longer seperate but smashed together to the side within her skull, tourqued off from the brain stem. What life remains now is primal, governed by her autonomic nervous system & fast ebbing. I'm grateful that Mom has no higher order brain function left at this point, to suffer pain or fear or whatever other horrors may befall us in such straits.

It is odd to think of my mother now, at this point betwixt & between the moment when "she" died (in the sense of her being as a unique, beloved, sentient human soul), & the time it takes for her body to follow. My attention is scattered & disorganized, my train of thought following weird tangents (e.g what to do with the Mother's Day card I planned to send her), so my husband & kids are taking on the role of minder, at least for today.

God bless us all, in all our journeys.

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May 06, 2013
Going, going, gone
by: Doreen U.K.

Evie I am sorry for your loss of your Mom. Oh how painful this time is for you and your family when you lose the closest person to you.
I know that this grief is so very painful a time. I lost my mom 10yrs. ago just before mother's day. I had gone shopping and couldn't stop buy as many mother's days gifts for my mom. I didn't know that she had died and I had to take the gifts back to the store and this was so very painful.
I lost my husband 1yrs. ago yesterday to cancer and I am feeling the grief of my mom more now than ever. My father is dying slowly and it is a very difficult place to be for you me and many others. We know what you are going through just now. There is no sorrow like this loss.
I hope that you have good supportive other family or friends to help you go through this most difficult time in your life. It does help immensely having support.

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