Going, going, gone
My mother's body is actively dying now, but I'm not there. I believe her soul left us yesterday morning, when she fell & hit her head, resulting in traumatic brain injury. She's in a deep coma, and we are following her express wishes that her body be allowed to die naturally, without intervention, hydration, or other life support. Anticipating this possible circumstance, Mom had made prior arrangements with a dear friend to keep her bedside vigil in hospital until her body's life was done, which is now imminent.
It's hard not to be there, although I know she no longer is. Perhaps this way of taking leave is a blessing & a gift. The CAT scan shows massive subdural hematoma, with her brain so compressed by intracranial pressure that the two hemispheres are no longer seperate but smashed together to the side within her skull, tourqued off from the brain stem. What life remains now is primal, governed by her autonomic nervous system & fast ebbing. I'm grateful that Mom has no higher order brain function left at this point, to suffer pain or fear or whatever other horrors may befall us in such straits.
It is odd to think of my mother now, at this point betwixt & between the moment when "she" died (in the sense of her being as a unique, beloved, sentient human soul), & the time it takes for her body to follow. My attention is scattered & disorganized, my train of thought following weird tangents (e.g what to do with the Mother's Day card I planned to send her), so my husband & kids are taking on the role of minder, at least for today.
God bless us all, in all our journeys.