going on without him

by cona
(minneapolis,mn. usa)

Where do I begin, Carl,my Carl is really gone and not like out of state but out of me and his children's lives for ever. When I got the phone call on October 1st 2010 @ 5am from my sister-in-law, not from my husbands family, that he had dropped dead of a heart attack I thought I would just die too.

So now I go to my sixteen year old son's room and knock softly, thinking all the while this has to be a nightmare cause Carl wouldn't just go away and not say bye to us. Carl Jr. opens the door and I stutter the words that his daddy is gone. We both just stare at the empty air then he asks did you call my sister yet? So now I sit on the bed (I think) and call my daughter to tell her her daddy is gone, then my oldest son to tell him his daddy is gone. After that things are a little fuzzy.

A lot of crying and a lot of disbelief. Still hard for us, lil' carl and carlicia are still not letting me in and that's OK like I told them that was your daddy and don't no one but you two know what your going through, I'm right here when you need me. Now it's the what ifs that is really getting to me.

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Nov 30, 2010
going on without him
by: Jen

I lost my husband when i was 38 that was two years ago.

There are so many people going thru what you are feeling, have felt and are continuing along this unwanted journey and that is why this site is so great cause we really get where u are and what your thinking.

I have two teenage kids too and as well as our own grief we have to be there for them and that''s tough when your heart and head are shattered.

We are very much on our own in the real world and many can't and don't understand about this and this is not there fault.

All i know is that we did nothing wrong loving our husbands and none of us deserve this act of survival but we do get to somewhere eventually wherever that is; but we must survive, our partners would want us to..

We must try to grasp onto the fact that we were the lucky ones to have had all those special years with them.. Ohh and all the memories. You will get to a place of remembering them all slowly but surely...

Take care and just take it slowly,


Nov 28, 2010
going on without him
by: jules

My dear - we on this site know exactly where you are at - read some of the blogs, they will help you see that you are not alone - there are people out there just like you

Keep in touch

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