Golden Son Jack
Its been six months. My beautiful red haired boy lost his temper and went upstairs and ended his own life. I found him, my other son and I tried to bring him back, the ambulance came, they started his heart but he died 2 days later in hospital surrounded by his family.
We have struggled to cope with our loss, his brother is doing fairly well, his father barely speaks and has lost interest in his business and changed his appearance hiding behind a beard. He also lost his brother (my brother in law) six months previously. He died in front of me from a heart attack, what a year. And I. I am broken hearted. I still weep every day for my beautiful son. I have never known pain like this. My family have been wonderful, I have very close friends who guard me, hold me up, listen to me. My relationship with my mother is strained, there is so much guilt inside me for letting this happen, there is anger and bitter sadness. My best friend is now suffering from depression and won't speak to me because he can't deal with my grief on top of his own problems and I feel bereft all over again and useless that I can't help. My business has suffered and I will be shortly selling up. Life will never be the same as before, life will never be easy and some days I don't want to carry on. I have been diagnosed with depression now and on medication and seeing a counsellor. I am hoping that in the coming weeks I may find a glimmer of hope.
My boy was thoughtful, handsome, 14 years old and six foot tall. He was highly intelligent and musically talented. His death was a tragedy, there were 500 people at his funeral and hundreds of cards and endless floral tributes sent to the house. My heart goes out to anyone who has lost a child.