Gone but never forgotten

by Kim

I lost my husband of 22 years to a car accident. He was coming home from work and lost control of his car hit a bridge and went into the water. He was found the next morning. We looked for him all night to no avail.

Since he passed I have been very depressed and suicidal. It has been almost two years and I am getting worse. I don't want to leave my children but I don't want to live without my husband.

I have gotten medical attention but the depression meds all seem to make me that much worse. I don't know what to do.

He was my whole life and the love of my life. I don't think I can go on without him.

Comments for Gone but never forgotten

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May 16, 2012
TO: Second Year is Worse
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry for your suffering & understand because am also at second year anniversary of my beloveds' passing; Husband & only daughter within 6 mths of each other.
If you scroll down and read other comments to this posting, be certain to read what MAGGIE said. I think she's right.
Thank God many others don't have to feel the pain we do. Jesus said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." This statement applies to ALL of us in any case, as NO ONE can know and understand everything. No matter how "good" anyone thinks they've been, we've ALL messed up on some level. Jesus died and was risen to pay for our sins. However, it seems undeniable that there is a purification process in death. I see it too, but am not smart enough to understand exactly.
As for prescription drugs, well, I have no experience with that, but am aware of side effects. Personally opt to deal with my issues through my Christian faith. I LOVE to watch JOEL OSTEEN on the computer. He's so great with wisdom & encouragement.
There is a reason why we've been left behind. It's NOT a punishment. God sees our works while we're here. Our day to be reunited will come soon enough. My challenge is to spread as much good as possible while I'm here. That means squaring my shoulders and bravely carrying myself through all this. Hope others decide to do the same and toss the poisonous thoughts forever. BE WELL...BE BLESSED...CARRY ON...and show others IT IS POSSIBLE to be genuinely content with our current selves despite the pain and buckets of tears due to having been left behind ! Some future griever might see our positive attitude and claim, "If she could do it, SO CAN I !!!". We are making it through, aren't we ? One day at a time.

May 15, 2012
second year is worse
by: Anonymous

I am also just starting my second year 13 months exactly since my mother died. I feel much worse than I did before i am on several antidepressants and anti anxiety drugs me who never even took an asprin. People around me think since i have officially passed the first year i should be doing jumping jacks. What a farce have them walk in my body one day and experience what I feel. This must be hell because i don't think i could feel any worse than i do now. I watched my mother suffer the pains of hell during her 13 day struggle with cancer. Yes 13 days from diagnosis to death and i never left her side literally and the death rattle that lasted for three days. i would have traded places with her in a second i prayed that god just leave her alone and take me as i could not watch it maybe my precious mother payed for my sins. i thought i was a good person but maybe i did something wrong and my poor mother had to pay for it. This does not feel normal i was an only child unmarried my father also died of cancer 9 years ago. This all sucks

May 15, 2012
Never Forgotten
by: Anonymous

I know exactly how you feel. I, like an idiot, expected the one year anniversary of my husband's death to bring me much needed relief to my pain. As the months following the one year didn't find me ready to move on with my life I started thinking.....what is going on? I feel worse some days than I did a year ago.
My son is going through a depression following the first year. I think we are in survival mode for the first 12 months. My son said, "Mom my life really sucks without my dad." Mine too son. I miss him so much. Every day, every birthday, every place I go I am reminded of the fun we used to have together. For birthdays we use to have the birthday person pick the restaurant and the entire family would go. It's not the same and his absence is felt every time.
Depression is very bad. I've had my medication changed twice and I think I'm just going to go off of it all together. It's not helping me. Nothing seems to.
We do have to be strong for our children. While I'm trying to be strong though I'm dying inside. I told a good friend, "I just want to feel excited about something again." I keep trying and so should you. Your husband would want you to be happy. One thing that can never be taken from you is his love. He still loves you.
I think my husband was a lot like yours. He loved all the boy toys. We did a lot together. Things I would've never done on my own. We grieve so hard because we loved so deeply. When you had the best it is very very difficult to put your life back together.
I pray for strength for you (and me). Try to find a little bit of goodness in each day. That's what I do. Oprah says to write a gratitude journal. It has helped me.
Hugs and Peace to you.

May 15, 2012

What a GREAT picture you submitted along with your heart wrenching story.

I'm so sorry this happened. I do understand as I also lost my husband just two short years ago because of some weird idiotic accident that I won't go into detail about at this time. It's a shocker when these things happen.

We were married 30 years and couldn't have children. Oh how I wish I could look into my child's eyes and see the similarities that are genetic. I would be so very grateful for that.

No matter, you are suffering horribly, I see. So am I, but tonite seems to be a bit better than yesterday was...so perhaps I can give you a little something to think about that might help you start feeling better.

When we are feeling emotionally crappy, it is a very clear sign that we are thinking unhappy or bad thoughts. There is a way to discipline ourselves to change our thinking.

Make a private list in a new notebook of only happy memories and thoughts. You'll see that as you are doing this exercise, your mood will elevate.

Add to this list once a day, or at least re-read your list ESPECIALLY when you catch yourself feeling down.

Now, I KNOW for a fact you do have some happy memories. You shared that happy picture...you gave birth to children, etc...

Of course, I still cry bitterly...and so will you. But I hope you remember that your children NEED YOU more now than ever before, no matter their age and you STILL HAVE WORK...God's work to do...and that's why you're here !

DON'T you dare give in to the dark side...NO MATTER WHAT...DON'T YOU DARE !!! What good will that do ? NONE !!! Be strong and vow to be a great example on how to handle tough times. That doesn't mean don't cry. That doesn't mean being cranky or nasty is ok.

BE STRONG means be LOVING...remember the LOVE and you'll see, what you give you'll receive in return.

GOD BLESS YOU and hang on for the roller coaster ride and see what you can do to make this world a better place, even if that's just baking or buying cookies for someone else.

Love you. xoxo

May 15, 2012
I understand
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. My 29yo daughter was murdered two years ago this July. She was the apple of my eye and my sunshine each day. W am still having to work with the Texas Rangers and detectives to try to find out who took my daughters life. Her name was Heather Pope. She is angel now and I can tell you she watches over me.

I wanted to let you know after two years they have finally found a medication that has got me up moving again. Not alot, but I am getting a little bit of strength back. I was seeing a family practice doctor but I went to a psychologist and if that's not the kind of Dr. you are seeing you may try that.

Just remember, one breath, one minute, and day at a time. Prays and hugs to you.

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