Gone but not forgotten

2 months ago, I lost my precious baby brother. He was 30 years old. I am 3 years older and we lost our father when I was 12 and he was 9. Our relationship was complicated but no matter what, we loved each other. We both felt the loss of our father so deeply and as we aged, my brother looked and sounded more like him. Now that he is gone I feel like I am not only mourning his death, but also, finally, that of my father. I feel a pain so deep that is indescribable. Not a day goes by that I do not think about my brother. I feel alone and lost. I feel guilty for feeling so much pain and feel like I must hide this pain. I miss him so much.
My brother was deeply troubled and also unhealthy due to a congenital birth defect. His death was an accidental overdose due to a complication of meds and alcohol. Although I know he is now at peace, the selfish part of me just wants him here. I feel guilty that I could not take away his pain.

Comments for Gone but not forgotten

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 16, 2012
I know the feeling
by: Anonymous

It took me by complete shock when I read your story. I have lived in the same agony too. My father pasted away when I was just fifteen. And my big brothers died when he was 29, from the same way your brothers died. He also had a birth defect, he was born with a hair lip. He struggled also all his life. I thought that I had to protect him more. My brother has always been the person in my family that I could talk too. Or been the one to help me in my time of need. When he passed I lost all hope, in myself because I have no one that understood me like him. my brothers name is Clinton Mark Hyatt he passed away September 17, 2010. My name is kari. I never been good at dealing with death, or respecting others. I just know I meant the world to him. He was my world, not one understood him like I did. I really would love how to been not so depressed, or lived my life without guilt or pain. Its a daily struggle. Please look me up. Kari hyatt cortes one facebook,I believe we maybe can help each other

Sep 07, 2012
Gone but not forgotton
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your brother and father. You are feeling double grief mourning your father and brother together. You lost your father at such a young age and didn't grieve then. It feels that much worse later on. Compounded grief hurts more with other grief on top. This is why it is important to let grief happen and not apologise for expressing this. It is also not helpful to think that grief expressed in any way is being selfish. GRIEF should never be associated with being SELFISH. There is never a time to think of one's self than now. Something has happened to us and left us with so much sorrow. We didn't do this to ourselves. It is hard to cope with so much sorrow. It is now that we all need loving and supportive friends and family to encourage and lift us up. Not reproach ourselves for having feelings and expressing them. Grief is a hard road to travel. But it is a part of life and we have to learn one day at a time to go one each day with HOPE that one day our sadness will get less until it doesn't hurt so much. It is worse when grief is added to more grief and we overflow. You lost 2 very significant people from your life. You don't know how to grieve or go on in life? Even grief is complex. It throw up so many emotions and feelings that are not always easy to deal with. Sometimes we wish we could just brush such feelings aside and not have to deal with them. Often we feel so isolated as if we are all alone and no one else has such feelings and we feel silly. It actually makes us more human to admit and express that we are hurt and need help. Part of grief is feeling guilty, and helpless. We are not able to help our loved one's and this adds to our grief. It puts us in a very lonely place for a while. We are all lost in grief. I wish I could say it lasts as long as the flu but it can go on for each of us longer than we want it to. All any of us can do is to be available and as supportive as we can. We can't take the pain away for our loved one's Only God can do this. I hope you will go on each day knowing that you are a person with limitations and were more supportive to your brother than you think. You will feel this lost way for some time but nothing of what you are feeling will last. The best words in the Bible were AND IT CAME TO PASS. Everything in life we go through COMES & it PASSES. This is our HOPE. It COMES and it PASSES. WHEN! we don't know. BUT IT WILL PASS.

Sep 06, 2012
by: Malgosia

Dear one, I am so sorry for loss of your brother, I lost my 30 year old son two months and a week ago. He also died from accidental OD. my heart is breaking in little pieces, there is grate sadness inside me, and the physical and emotional pain is unbearable .
I don't think we are being selfish to grief so much, because is not about our loss, it is about those men, to young to go, not being able to enjoy, the sun, the beauty of the world, the happiness that life could bring. Being only 30, they did have at least other 30 years to discover the beauty and pleasures of life. I miss my son so much and the pain,oh the pain... But I could live in pain the rest of my life, and even not seeing him,if he could only live, and be healthy and happy. My dear, grief is not always selfish, is just being grief with all the" trimmings," sadness, guilt, if onlys . I cry everyday, I blame myself and the all world, and even God. Grief has not sanity or logic. We need to grief the way we need to, and noone can tell us whats the write or wrong way .My heart goes out to you, you need to find people who walk in your shoes to talk to about your feelings and about your brother, is not going to ease your pain, but maybe you find answers how to live with it.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Sibling.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!