Good Grief... I can't bring myself to visit my mom!

by Novi

She's been dead for a little shy of 6 months. Unlike my father, mom was buried right here in town. She did that specifically for us kids because she saw how hard it was for us to not be able to visit dad. But I can't bring myself to visit her. I think part of the problem is that we (my brother and I) are fighting with the monument place for her tombstone, which we paid for in full back in November. They have all these excuses as to why they aren't calling back and why the product was never delivered etc etc.

I can't visit a decapitated grave.

But I can't help wonder if this is the only problem? I think I'm using that as an excuse and I'm not sure why... Why don't I want to go see mom? What am I really afraid of?

In 14 years I only went to visit my dad once. I don't feel any guilt because of it. But all week I've felt this overwhelming guilt for not visiting mom. I'm struggling with the 6 month mark and the fact that mother's day is approaching. I wish I could hear the sound of her humming, she never even noticed she was doing that half the time. I miss her so much. I wish I could hug you one last time mum, I love you so much!

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May 02, 2012
Mother's Love
by: Rose L

Mother's love came in so many different ways, didn't it? Through her humming, maybe a special cooked dish, or something she sewed..maybe she was crafty, or you have a special memory that only the two of you shared..hold dear to those memories, they are her hugs. If you have a piece of her clothing-wrap yourself in it, breathe her in and feel her warmth and love..
Perhaps the reason you can't visit her grave, is because you know she really isn't there, her spirit is with you. She is with you wherever you are and in the summer breeze, the spring flowers and the winter snow. She will always be with you and the monument is a mark of respect for her presence in this world, but God has her place in Heaven-she is being wrapped in His loving arms and bathed in His light.
Please know you are welcome to visit my blog, I lost a daughter last year and she too is in Heaven so I know the grief and pain, but I also know the joy of a mother's love. Blessings-

Rose L.

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