good-bye big sister, Elaine

by Pat Ash
(Baltimore, Md)

for 2 1/2 years my sister had battled ovarian cancer. I would fly from Baltimore to boston to be with her for her treatments. she really relied on me as did her children since I am a retired oncology nurse.
they told her after surgery and 6 months of chemo she was in remission but it was back the following summer. She was on her 3rd different chemo protocol. I went up on Feb 17th to go with her. Her pain was increasing so they increased her pain meds. We had for a long time talked about quality of life vs quantity. Friday Feb 18th she got chemo, the next Friday she was in the hospital with an infection. the Cat Scan showed the cancer was still growing. We spent hours talking and crying. She met with the oncologist on March 2 and deciced to enter Hospice.That very night she told me not to worry that it wouldn't be long. Who thought that she would be dead 8 days later. friday,March 4 she was admitted to the Hospice house with uncontrolled pain and intractable hiccups which made the pain worse. surrounded by her family she died on Sat March 12, 2011

I am so overwhelmed by what happened in just 3 weeks that I am having a hard time processing it all.
How do I step back into my own like after 2 1/2 years. My husband just doesn't know what to do with me. He is so kind but I hurt so bad.!!!!!!! Pat A