Goodbye Daddy, I hope to see you on the other side.....

by Tori

My Dad passed away on 4/13/13 from sepsis at the age of 74, and life as I know it and as my family knew it has never been the same. My oldest sister preceded him in death two weeks prior. I think this was what broke the camel's back. My dad was ill and we could visually see what was happening to him, but we all thought since he was a fighter that nothing could bring him down. I wouldn't say I was in outright denial about his health, deep down I knew he probably did not have much longer. He hated discussing his health problems with us. A lot of the times he would outright refused if we got too concerned. But this time... After my sister's death he was just different. He underwent surgery during this time and was really starting to waste away. My mother had told me that one morning he sat down at the table weakened from surgery and just started to cry. She had started to think this was the beginning of the end. My mother said that was the first cry she saw even after my sister's funeral. Its funny how things work out as my sister, a few weeks prior, packed up her clothes and went to my parent's house unannounced and told them she was going to stay for a few days to visit before going in for minor surgery. She went in for surgery and never came back. She had a pulmonary embolism. I thank God for the time my Dad and Sister got to share. Both seeing each other before saying goodbye. To this day, I tremble thinking about it. Fast forward to April 11, 2013, my niece called me crying hysterical saying "Pa can't get out of bed and can't breathe".."He is not breathing". I was already on my way over there to pick up my little one as my mom was the one who watched him during the day while at work. I get in the house and I see that my niece was able to get my Dad in the wheelchair. There he was sitting, not able to move his legs and barely breathing. From what my mother had told me previously, he had been experience high fevers, chills, severe pain in the legs, but refused to go to the doctor. During all of this craziness, my mother was not to be found. We called 911 and the paramedics came quick, but with my Dad's extensive health problems he would have to be transported to Mayo Hospital, which was an hour away and would take longer to get to at that time because of traffic. I called my husband and he got to the house pretty fast. My husband volunteered to get my Dad to Mayo. By this time my mom had arrived and she was having a complete meltdown. I wanted to fall to my knees, but I had to stay strong. From this point on, reality really started to kick in. Everybody in the house was hysterical. All I can remember is my husband helping the paramedics get my Dad in the truck with him screaming that he was in dire pain and not to touch him. Next thing I know, my other sister backs up into the garage because she was losing it. He finally gets admitted and we were back at it April 12th. He was talking and was able to let us know what he needed that morning, but by the time afternoon rolled around. He was no longer talking and the machines and everything were doing the work for him. Doctors were able to get his last wishes prior to that by having him raise his hands if he did not want his life to be maintained by machines, etc. By late afternoon, Doctor said that he was going to stop everything. He asked us what his favorite music was and commenced to having the nurses unplug everything and set up the music. And that was it. My Dad survived a whole 24 hrs without life support. He took his last breath Sunday, April 13th at 5:20 am. I am here now to find solace with others who have lost their "rock" in their life. Although I am grieving him terribly, I am grieving for my sister as well. These are dark times for me and I hope someone somewhere can tell me that it will be alright. Thank you all for listening.

Comments for Goodbye Daddy, I hope to see you on the other side.....

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Aug 18, 2013
Good bye daddy,I hope to see you on the other side
by: silver

Dear Tori,I can see by your title that you believe you will see your dad again.I believe that also.My dad died from complications of a blood cancer.He lived 13 yrs despite the span after diagnosis of 2-3 yrs.He and his dr fought hard and used many new treatments.I loved my dad but I wasn't as close to him as my mom.As a nurse,I began to see signs the last yr or so of his life that he was beginning to go downhill.He and I became closer the last couple of months,for which I am so thankful for.He died Dec 4,2009.He also unfortunately had to bury my baby sister who died in Nov.2001.I was at work when I got the word and lost it really bad for about an hour.Like you I had to be strong for my mom.She gave up and died 7 months later.I didn't have time to grieve as my husband died 11 months after that.I believe we all have to grieve in our own way.This year I grieved for mom and dad more than before.It took me some time as I grieved for my husband.I feel for you and send you support in your time of need.I wish I could be there to give you hugs when you need them.Since I can't I keep you in my prayers.GOD send you strength and peace.

Aug 04, 2013
Lost Fathers
by: Anonymous

Hi Tori,

I am so sorry for your loss of your father and sister. You must be feeling overwhelmed with grief. Almost a year ago, my dad, age 73, was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. Four months later he passed away. He was the foundation of our family, the 'glue' that held us all together. It has been a very long road to recover from this loss. My journey through grief is not yet over, but through peaks and valleys, I am getting through this. I will never be the same person, but I will adjust to life without my hero. Give yourself time. Go easy on yourself. Savor those moments in time when you almost feel joy again. You will make it through this. Hang in there, Tori.

Jul 28, 2013
Goodbye my beautiful dad
by: Tania

Hi Tori
I'm so sorry to read about your lost for both you sister and dad. I just found this website and your letter was the one close to my heart. I also lost my dad in April this year on prostate cancer as a family we look after him and the last two weeks of his life we where aloud to take him home as he was in the hospital since February dad was high care and needed a lot of support, it wasn't easy as we all had to work and had to be available to care for dad early morning lunch time and after work We had a palliative care nurse 1 hour a day. My mum done so much but mum had a major stroke a few years ago and lost the ability to speak so mum needed a lot of support as well ... But I can proudly say we done it. My mum my husband and myself where there when my beautiful dad passed away. I surprised myself I was so strong but now 3 month on I miss him more then anything feeling down depressed and lonely.
I also notice that I can't be at home just need to be busy all the time. Like you I hope everything will be okay but deep in my heart I know Life will never be the same. I wish you all the best for you and your family and if you feel like talking I'm here god bless xox

Jul 27, 2013
Goodbye Daddy, I hope to see you on the other side.....
by: Doreen U.K.

Tori I am sorry for your loss of your sister and your father. This is such a horrible place to be when you know you are losing loved one's from your life and so busy doing what is necessary you can't process everything that is going on till it is all over and too late to say what you wanted to say to your loved one's.
You are grieving the loss of 2 people from your life and this will be hard for you. Having a husband and your own family will help support you in your grief. Your mom has lost her husband and her grief will be harder and more difficult. She will need a lot of support. I lost my husband 14 months ago to cancer and I had a horrendous cancer journey with him and it is the days during illness that is hard as grief starts at the start of illness and diagnosis. Just processing the final days of one's life is hard. You never get the time to get used to knowing someone is going to die. Your mind just can't accept this. I still feel as if my mind is in a strange new world and I want to come back to where it was all good and well.
Knowing you will see your dad and sister on the other side is a comfort. I believe this also and it helps me in my grief. Just going through each day without our loved one's in our world day to day and exchanging love and conversation is so hard. All those memories that have stopped and all the new memories without our loved ones in the picture is hard to accept. Sitting alone for dinner will be hard for you mom. This is my new experience. It will take all of you some time to get your lives back to some sort of normality, but it will be a new normal. When the days are sunny and warm and we can go out this is when we go out alone. Hold onto to the loved one's you have left and just keep them close enjoying each minute with them. Life is too short. But YES! it does get better in time.

Jul 27, 2013
by: Monica

I'm sorry for your loss & your pain! I wish I could say an exact time that everything will be ok but I refuse to lie. In time you'll be able 2 accept/deal with it better but never over it. Recently I was told to suck it up because everyone has a story & I lost it! I told her I'd be there in 10 minutes so I get there & read her her rights.....I told her my whole family is dead & I lost my home & you have the audacity to tell me to suck it up I will turn this place out. Some people don't know what you go through when you have a major loss that's irreplaceable. The sleepless nights, never ending tears, & the struggle through holidays is hard but I'll pray for you & if you ever need to talk or vent I'm here

Jul 26, 2013
So sorry
by: Anonymous

Hi Tori,
I am so sorry for your losses. My heart breaks for you and your whole family. I lost my father in January, suddenly, to Cardiac Arrest. It has been almost 7 months and I miss him terribly. I feel blessed to have found this site because it is my support network. I have not reached out for local counseling yet, but am finding that the comforting words of strangers has given me much strength. We are all going through this together. I am a mess myself, so I can only offer you prayers and peace. Take care, Barb.

Jul 26, 2013
Sorry for your losses
by: Linda

Dear Tori: I am so sorry for the loss of your father and sister. It is almost too much to bear. From your post, it appears that you were a very caring and patient daughter and sister. I am sure this meant alot to your family. I posted my story on this site a little while ago. I lost my beautiful sister to sepsis in 2011. She was my whole world - my rock, as you say. We were best friends and I miss her more than words can say. She too was a fighter. It seems so senseless to have lost her that way since she survived 4 years of treatment for a rare cancer plus a stem cell transplant. Similar to your story, she survived only 24 hours in the hospital. I had plans to be with her that weekend. Life does go on - that I know. But as you say, it will never be the same. People tell me that time heals. I also lost another sister in a car accident some years ago. Like I said, some days I am incredulous to these losses. And my biggest question, of course is "why?". I struggle every day with making sense of the fact that they are gone. I did take advantage of support groups and counseling. It did help, but I don't know if my heart will ever heal from missing my sisters so much. I have to believe that peace will come, and I sincerely wish the same for you. Some days are going to be worse than others. You will be able to laugh again, maybe not like before, but you will. But your father and sister will never be far from your thoughts. I take each day as it comes and remain grateful for the love and sweet memories I have of my sisters. I keep a journal too. I go back and read it from time to time and I find comfort in that. I still can't look at photos - it's too painful; maybe someday. Lean on the people around you and share your feelings with those who care. I have found this site to be very helpful, and the posters are just so sincere and compassionate. So for now, know that my thoughts are with you; and it will be alright.

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