by Anj

My grandpa had been sick for a while. He overcame cancer, and battled it well. Then months later, out of nowhere, it reappeared. We thought it would get better through chemo, but it didn't. Then he needed radiation, when his cancer spread. In the course of 3 months, he completely changed. He couldn't drive, walk, or even stand up. Eventually, the cancer spread too fast and his body was finished. He lost all his strength and couldn't even talk. His last few days, he couldn't open his eyes. So, my family thought that bringing hospice in was the best idea. He was suffering and going through the process hurting. Letting him peacefully go to heaven was the best idea. I was expecting the death anytime this week, and I knew how I felt and how much I'd miss him, but when it actually happened, it was like I didn't even know he was going to die. I'm so hurt and upset, and I don't know what to do. It's been a few hours since I found it, and I can't stop crying. Maybe writing it out will help, but so far, all I feel is sadness. I wish I could go back and tell him how much I actually love him but it's too late for that. Maybe I'll see him someday when I die.

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Sep 12, 2012
by: Doreen U.K.

Anj your story is identical to mine. My husband was diagnosed with a rare and serious cancer which was incurable, inorperable and aggressive. Steve had Chemo, Radiotherapy, and much Prayer for healing all over America and England. I was my husband's caregiver for 3yrs.39days. when Steve died on May 5th 2012. This is the most painfull loss for me. Crying all the time is a large part of our grief journey. I don't know how long this grief will last. It is almost 5 months. It feels like 5 yrs. I just can't believe at times that he is gone and never coming back. All the good times gone forever. No making of new memories. the cancer journey is very hard. Watching someone deteriorate and die slowly is very painfull. There are no words to utter. Only TEARS. It is only when we look back and see what we have come through that we realise some healing has taken place in us and we just have to let grief have its full work till we are able to move on and live a life of our choosing. You will go on to have better days as we all do and when the bad days come we also have to develop the strength to go on in life with HOPE.

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