I recently lost my grandmother after a long fight with lung cancer. She was strong and fought the cancer until the end, she beat it. She was cancer free, but the medicines and surgeries she had to face along the way left her feeling a bit less than free from the cancer. Two weeks had gone by since she had found out she was cancer free, and she seemed to be getting along great, her hair was coming back, her weight was coming back up, and her mood was all around brighter and happy. It was great to finally see improvement after months of horror not knowing what would happen. Then my grandmother's best friend passed away. My grandmother went into a sort of funk and couldn't get out. She stopped eating and was put on THC medication to make her hungry and get her appetite back so she could bring her weight back up. But the mixture of medication with the lack of food just made her crazy, she would do things like go out into the back yard and throw her belongings over the fence because she says she was done with those things. She told me things like did you know your father knew my father? Ha ha, these things make me smile now but at the time it was frightening, we didn't know what we could do so we had to put her in the nursing home, my dad was taking care of her all the time and was starting to get in trouble at work because he had missed quiet a bit. Once she went into the nursing home, she gave up fighting. I feel like she gave up on life and all of us. I know she loved us and wanted the best for us, and we didn't want her to be in pain any longer. The nursing home called and asked if we wanted to take her feeding tube out since it made her so uncomfortable and sick and let her be at peace, so that is what we did. They said she could live up to two more weeks without it, but she died that very same night. I feel like a bag of crap she was in that nursing home for 2 weeks and I only visited her one time. She was unresponsive and didn't appear to know I was there, I stayed for an hour and cried the whole entire time. It's been three months and I still cry almost everyday since she has passed. We didn't have a formal funeral for her because that just wasn't what she would have wanted. I feel like I was deprived from full grieving without a funeral. She was cremated and I never saw her before. I feel like I should have gotten that opportunity. I know that she is in Heaven, and I bet she is having a BLAST! She was a fun lady and was always having a good time. Never a dull moment with her, and she taught me a lot about who I am today. I am so thankful for her and I just want her to know that. I love you Granny Annie!
