Grief stole my life and who I was.
Friday 24th of Feb.2011
The first year of grief was miserable. I did not think that a person could experience such heart break and survive to tell about it. The downs, further down the spiral of grief. How bad can it get? But then there were days that I could enjoy the sunset. Laugh at my child trying to be goofy to cheer me up. That foreign sound was laughter. I did not think that I ever could/would again without my Love...
Then I would have a few o.k days followed by a deep sorrow that seemed to rise from my stomach making me feel ill and dizzy. When at last I had survived One Year without my Love it was awful. How did I manage an entire year? How did I survive? I still feel like crap but I am here. I paid the bills. Have a roof over my head, a job to return to, I sleep, I eat I am functioning. (sort of)
This was followed by what could only be depression. I did not want to do anything but survive the day and go to my room and lie down, ignore the world if possible. No pride did not care...felt nothing. Just so blahhhhhh. It was different from grief somehow.
But I am going on a week now of feeling (some what) like my former self. It has been so long that I am unsure what to do. So I ride the ride unsure of where it will take me. But somehow knowing that I will make it.
I will always Love and Miss my honey. But now he is a warm memory. Someone that I feel damn lucky to have loved and been loved by. I can only hope that this feeling this small joy for life will continue. There have been so many ups and downs I am waiting for the ball to drop. But for Now, I'll take that confidence that has been missing for so long. Be the chatty friendly person that I always was before grief stole it.
Grief took a lot of things from me but now I know that there is still me inside trying to be...o.k.
And I hope it for everyone here.