GRIEF WAS BURNED INTO ME ON 10-05-2009

by IRWIN
(SYOSSET, NEW YORK)

MY WIFE FOR 49 YEARS DIED ON OCTOBER 05,2009. MY GRIEF SINCE THAT DAY HAS BEEN BURNED INTO ME.IT IS MY COMPANION 24 HOURS A DAY.I LIVE BY MYSELF AND MY CHILDREN LIVE IN OTHER STATES.I CAN GO FOR WEEKS WITHOUT ANY CALL EVEN THOUGH I LEAVE MESSAGES.I AM A KOREA WAR VETERAN AND I BEEN HANDLING EVERY THING BY MYSELF FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS. HAVE SUFFERED FROM DEPRESSION ALL MY LIFE AND I TRULY CANNOT HANG ON LIKE THIS MUCH LONGER.I HAVE NO HUMAN CONTACT AT ALL.I WRITE POEMS AND A NUMBER OF THEN ARE ON THE INTERNET. TODAY I DID A FULL 90 MINUITES OF FAST RACEWALKING BUT RECEIVED VERY LITTLE RELIEF FROM THE EXERCISE. RIGHT5 NOW I AM DOING THE CLOTHES.I SEE NOTHING IN MY LIFE THAT WILL BRING ME RELIEF OR ANY PLEASURE LEFT IN MY LIFE.I SEE NO REASON TO GO ON. IRWIN

Comments for GRIEF WAS BURNED INTO ME ON 10-05-2009

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Jun 25, 2012
GRIEF WAS BURNED INTO ME ON 10-05-2009
by: IRWIN DRESNER

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK
shaz, TrishJ, Nancy, Julie, Judith in California,
An English widow, Doreen England U.K. FOR
THEIR HELPFUL COMMENTS. I CONTINUE TO KEEP BUSY AND I WENT TO A NUMBER OF GRIEF GROUPS BUT THE GRIEF CONTINUES LIKE A SPEEDING TRAIN. ITS BEEN WEEKS SINCE MY DAUGHTERS CALLED EVEN THOUGH I LEAVE MESSAGES. MY SON CALLS ONCE A WEEK WHICH IS FINE. I GONE BACK TO THE BOOK THAT I AM WRITING. HAVE A NUMBER OF MY POEMS PUBLISHED. I HAVE BEEN IN THE NEWSPAPERS A NUMBER OF TIMES SOME WITH MY INVENTIONS. MY FACEBOOK PAGE HAS A NUMBER OF MY NEWSPAPER ARTICLES IN ALL MY PICTURES. I BEEN TRYING TO GET A MATE BUT A NUMBER OF THESE SITES ARE SCAMS. WISHING EVERYONE A GREAT WEEK. IRWIN

Jun 25, 2012
so sorry for your loss
by: shaz

irwin-im so sorry to see the loss is still as bad as it was when your dear wife left.i pray for you and send my thoughts out to you across the world.grief hits us all the time ater losing a loved one,we just accept it becomes part of our lives now.its been 3 wks for me that my true love has gone.i am still in that hell,in all the pain,but i do accept i wont see him anymore in this life but will meet with him when its my time.hold on to your memories irwin,and i pray you find some peace.please take care of you.

Jun 24, 2012
Grief Is Lonely
by: TrishJ

Irwin~
I am truly so sorry for your loss. I haven't been coming to this site very much lately. I found it too depressing for a while. It helped me so much the first year after my husband passed. Then I just felt like I'm so sick of grieving and people who grieve. Then I started noticing that I still don't feel like I want to live again. It's a slow work in progress.
I have some good days but mostly I'm longing for what used to be. I found myself in this grief club at the age of 58. It's only been 18 months and I miss my husband more today than I did the day after he died. Reality slowly sinks in and we realize how unenjoyable our life is without our soul mates.
The one thing that keeps we going is knowing that I will see my husband again. He, and your wife, are waiting for us. Until then we just have to do the best we can. I spend a lot of time feeling sorry for myself. I know he wouldn't want that but getting my body to do something that my mind won't allow is not that easy.
Take care of you. God bless. The love of your wife can never we taken from you. That's ours to keep~always. I pray for peace.

Jun 24, 2012
Irwin - you just need to continue reaching out
by: Nancy

I did not lose a spouse but I do understand about having periods of time with no contact with people - it is the worse possible thing you can do to yourself. You say that you have children in other states - try to make connections with them. You have a computer do you have a camera - or skype in which you can actually be seeing your family even if it is through a camera, or even just calling them. There are community groups which offer grief counseling, check them out. You will be surprised that you are not alone - you may be able to find a friend or two that you can make connections with. I am sure your wife would be pained if she know how much pain you are in for missing her. There is still life out there for you to enjoy go out there and be a part of it. Find something that you enjoy doing a be a part of it. I will be praying for you. Nancy

Jun 24, 2012
you have helped me
by: Anonymous

Thank you great man
My grief is redirected
My pain insignificant now
I sought help and found your purpose

Like a father you have guided
Like a man you loved and protected
Your time has come now
Not to rest but to teach it


Im going through a bit of a pickle, My fiance, doesn't want to be in a relationship. I've respected and accepted her decision to leave. My pain doesn't compare to yours sir. But you have reminded me that "purpose" is important. We have kids together, her and I. And although in a much less significant way, I know I lost her. However i also know i can serve a different purpose. Maybe my purpose wasn't to make her happy or be married to her. All i know is that im inspired by you willingness to share your story.

You made my day.i know you've gone through a lot sir. Your story can inspire others, all by sharing your story. My situation seem more under control now that you shared yours.

Im sorry for your pain, I hope you find peace and realize you can still live a purposeful life.

THANK YOU. :) have a wonderful day.

Jun 24, 2012
I know
by: Julie

Irwin:
I feel your pain and I know what you mean. My Charlie and I were married for 45 years. He died 10 weeks ago. I have no children and no wish to go on either. The only reason I am still here is my belief that I will join him in heavern. I also believe that that might not be possible if I did something to myself.
I don't think I can give you words of comfort - there aren't any, but I will pray for you.

Julie

Jun 24, 2012
Stop The Burn
by: Judith in California

Irwin, Are you getting any counseling? It's one of the many things you will need in order to pull through. Make friends with others on your walks. strike up conversations and who knows where it may lead. get out of the house and be amongst children playing , volunteer. Tell your selfish kids that you need their company. Speak up and be counted. Seek out some senior centers or veterans groups to join. Go to the mall and sit in the food court and strike up conversations with other folks who are by themselves. Maybe they need to talk too.

Your wife would not want you to live like you are. She would want you to be content.

God bless you Irwin and thank you for serving our country.

Jun 24, 2012
Grief was burned into me
by: An English widow

I understand too well the feelings you express. It is now nearly nine years since my husband died. I have learned to accept without bitterness for I believe that some good must come from such an experience. My single life is good but that does not stop me missing the joy, the love a happy marriage brings - I still am sometimes moved to tears by the unexpected memory that creeps into my soul, at the end of the day I am alone and so so thankful for the special years we shared together.
My love would want me to find happiness - with family and friends.

Jun 24, 2012
Grief was burned into me 2009
by: Doreen England U.K.

Dear Irwin
I am sorry for the loss of your wife of 49years. You have been suffering for 3 years now and you have no relief. This is because you are isolated. People do not return your calls and this is very painfull for you. You must feel abandoned which intensifies your grief. I am in the same place as you. Although one exception I do have sisters supporting me. It somehow isn't enough as my needs now are so desperate the lonliness is killing me. BEING ALONE is hard. So is not seeing anyone for days or months. We were created for companionship and to be cut off from this is painfull.
It looks like YOU. ME. and all the other people going through this at this time will need to get out and find our own life. Perhaps going to a place where we can meet other people. Joining a group that gives us some interest. Perhaps going to Church and meeting people and joining in the groups that spring from this. I don't feel like doing this as it alters my life by making me go ito a realm I am not familiar with and not knowing I will like to do this or not. But whilst I do have a CHOICE. It is either sink or swim. We have to find our own way out of our lonliness and misery.
It is a painfull journey. It doesn't feel as if we have a reason to go on living. But we have no CHOICE here. We have been given life and have to live it to the best of our ability. Whether doing things or staying alone. If I had my way I would leave the country and go on some project to help other people in countries that are war torn and need help. There is always something we can do with our time. We can make it count for others. I did voluntary work for 8 years in mental health and even doing voluntary work will get you out of a rut. Out of the house and into another world that will give you a purpose and meaning in your life and also give you satisfaction. It will fill the void in your life. I hope these suggestions help us and that we can move forward and live a happier life out of our misery. Best wishes

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