Grieving a fantasy

by Jana
(Boston, MA)

I am still in a relationship at least for the day. At 43 years old I met a man who I was just strong enough to take a chance with and enter a "committed" relationship with. That was nine months ago. So you may ask why is she grieving.

Well as you guess things are rocky. Life, comments, fears. The common question "are we right for one another." Well I have decided that this relationship is no different then my job (of which I value very much). It is the same as the first year at my job which has now turned into five years. I have to be self aware and give whereever I can. Very few questions asked.

So I am grieving because I have to lose the warm and fuzzy feeling I used to get when he acted so interested in me. Because today he is not. It is work. I have to pretend I am comfortable and do the work that he does when I am not able. And all of this without a weekly pay check but simply the hope that after giving up my fantasy that it would feel like I wanted it to, there just may be a reason for all this.

It is so hard to accept rejection.