Grieving and Lost
by Robyn Sanders
I met this man 24 years ago and instantly fell in love. Timing was not right at this time so we could not be together. As years passed we crossed each others path now and again. 17 years later I looked for him and found him sitting in jail for assault and battery on a law enforcement officer. I waited and helped him out until his release. I believed that everyone deserves a second chance. I brought him back to the state I live in and eventually we became closer and closer. Numerous times through all of this he would leave me and eventually come back. This last time he came back he stated he would stay and work things out versus leaving. We were together living under the same roof off and on for 5 years. He did stay for a little over a year until he found steady work driving an 18 wheeler long haul. I was invited to Daytona Beach Florida by him to see the races. Before we even left the truck he got drunk and belligerent, hitting me with my suitcase in the back nearly knocking me out of the truck while telling me to get the **** out. Then kicking my leg while I was sitting in the truck and then end the end holding onto my arms and not letting me go when told to let go of me. I left scared and eventually got a flight home. In time I forgave him due to his actions only occurring when drinking. I wanted to work it out and at first it was all fine. He was to come home so we could spend time together and work on our differences. One day before he was to arrive he changed his plans and asked to be sent somewhere else. Then began the telling me “we couldn’t get along” “it wasn’t going to work anymore” “I wouldn’t cooperate”. Now that he has left to who knows where, he doesn’t want to talk to me except to say it is over, find someone else, that I require too much attention”.
I am feeling grief like I have never felt before. I have never been hurt this bad by anyone ever. I cry everyday, I grief for the loss of what I believed was my soul mate; I wanted to spend the rest of my living days with this man. I have loved him over half my life. I do not know how to cope or get over this. I have no hope and in very desperate state of mind. I need help so badly.