Grieving and Lost

by Robyn Sanders
(Dickinson, Texas)

I met this man 24 years ago and instantly fell in love. Timing was not right at this time so we could not be together. As years passed we crossed each others path now and again. 17 years later I looked for him and found him sitting in jail for assault and battery on a law enforcement officer. I waited and helped him out until his release. I believed that everyone deserves a second chance. I brought him back to the state I live in and eventually we became closer and closer. Numerous times through all of this he would leave me and eventually come back. This last time he came back he stated he would stay and work things out versus leaving. We were together living under the same roof off and on for 5 years. He did stay for a little over a year until he found steady work driving an 18 wheeler long haul. I was invited to Daytona Beach Florida by him to see the races. Before we even left the truck he got drunk and belligerent, hitting me with my suitcase in the back nearly knocking me out of the truck while telling me to get the **** out. Then kicking my leg while I was sitting in the truck and then end the end holding onto my arms and not letting me go when told to let go of me. I left scared and eventually got a flight home. In time I forgave him due to his actions only occurring when drinking. I wanted to work it out and at first it was all fine. He was to come home so we could spend time together and work on our differences. One day before he was to arrive he changed his plans and asked to be sent somewhere else. Then began the telling me “we couldn’t get along” “it wasn’t going to work anymore” “I wouldn’t cooperate”. Now that he has left to who knows where, he doesn’t want to talk to me except to say it is over, find someone else, that I require too much attention”.
I am feeling grief like I have never felt before. I have never been hurt this bad by anyone ever. I cry everyday, I grief for the loss of what I believed was my soul mate; I wanted to spend the rest of my living days with this man. I have loved him over half my life. I do not know how to cope or get over this. I have no hope and in very desperate state of mind. I need help so badly.

Comments for Grieving and Lost

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Mar 31, 2014
Lucky Escape
by: Doreen UK

Robyn you were in love and then couldn't focus to really see what was going on. You were vulnerable and perhaps refused to see the truth because of your vulnerability. A relationship is built on mutual respect, and TRUST. This was one sided. Even if a man drinks there is no excuse for abusing you. He has not only broken your heart but left you lying there bleeding. Does this sound like someone you want to spent your life with. You need to go and see a counsellor and build up your self-esteem so that you won't allow anyone to abuse you like this. You did the best thing by getting a flight back away from him. The mistake you made was taking him back into your life. Don't waste your tears over this man who hurt you. You need to change your way of thinking and see it for what it is. Your tears will then dry up and you will learn from this experience and let it make you stronger. You need to see clearly when a relationship is CRUEL and don't tolerate it. You had a lucky escape. If you make this your FOCUS you will recover much quicker from your grief. Your grief comes from your Love. Why would you waste time grieving for someone who is not worth giving the time of day to. What you have is your FREEDOM. Value this and perhaps one day you will meet someone who is worth the tears.

Mar 29, 2014
Grieving and Lost
by: Robyn

Thank you both for your comments. Outside input is very helpful. I do know I deserve better and have already went to therapy, session 1. I do know I need to let this go, since I have become one of those women I used to talk about in my younger days and would always state I would not do that in my life. I am just at a loss and am having a hard time picking up the pieces and finding somewhere to start. I lack of friends and people I can talk to due to this man being in my life and voicing my concerns and ordeals to the people around me. I have allowed the emotions of years to overshadow what was really going on. I know I am better off but cant seem to get a handle on my emotions at this point. Thanks again for your words.

Mar 28, 2014
Recognize Abuse
by: Debby

Dear Robyn,
The man was abusive!! Don't you think you deserve better than that. One of my oldest and best friends was abused as a child. At this point, she has been married FOUR TIMES! All those men physically hurt her, she didn't know that she should be treated with respect. Her father was an abusive alcoholic, that is what she learned as a child. I recently told her that the next guy she meets and wants to marry, to ask my opinion of him first. I'm no expert, but I married a wonderful man who never laid a hand on me. I was never hit as a child and would not tolerate that........not ONCE. You deserve a great man, like my husband was. Kind, gentle and respectful, also a loving father to our son. You don't know it now, but he did you a favor. Do you want to be a statistic? You need consoling to find your self esteem and your self-worth. Love shouldn't have to hurt! Peace be with you Robyn.

Mar 28, 2014
Lost Robyn
by: Judith in California

First of all Robyn put on your big girl pants and realize you were used to being ABUSED. You are willing to accept his abuse because, as you say, he only did it while drinking.? HE obviously needs more help than you can give him. And being that he was in jail for battery and assault on a police officer? You must have been one of those girls who thought you were such a good person that you could change him.

Stop damaging your yourself by grieving for an abusive jerk. Your job is to get help for yourself and find out why you would want to be with a man like that. Why you would not want better for yourself?
Fix yourself is the only thing you can do.
Thank God he knew to end it because he knows he will never change. He knew something you would fail to see. All the love in the world will not stop an abuser. He is damaged and it will take years pf therapy for him to change if ever.

You need to hear the truth not be baby coddled .

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