Grieving for my beloved angel

by Debi
(Belgium)

I lost my mum 4 short weeks ago to the day. Suddenly, just like that. She had been healthy and happy with so much to live for. I live in a different country but she lived with us ( my partner and our 14 year old son )50% of the time. My partner videoed me saying goodbye to her at the airport only 18 short days before. How could I have not known it was the last time? How ? She was found cold and alone on her bedroom floor by her best friend who called to say 'Your mum has gone to the angels' a day I will never forget that changed my life forever.I am an only child and my beloved father died at aged 66 cold and alone in the kitchen of their home, I so didn't want that for her and nor did she. When I returned to my country (UK) and put the key in my mum's door in the days after, I could feel even the house was in shock. The air was in a state of suspended disbelief. I was accompanied by a close friend who also adored my mum and we saw some 'signs' a telephone that wasn't working suddenly flashed up my name only for it to disappear and never appear again. A vibrant red butterfly that greeted us and was there on our final day of departure. My pragmatic partner hearing her voice saying to him 'I'm here' on the morning of her funeral. The moment we lowered her coffin into the grave of my father with my grandmother resting next to them, my past, my childhood left me forever. I am the only living legacy (and my son) of their existence. The sickening thud in my stomach jolts me awake every morning when my eyes open. Grief is the price we pay for love. I know she is around, she would never totally abandon me or her adored grandson. But please come back X

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Jun 16, 2014
Doreen UK
by: Debi

Dear Doreen, Thank you so much for taking time to support me particularly as you are grieving yourself. I am so sorry to hear about the death of your beloved husband and that he had such a dreadful disease. There is no rhyme nor reason for some of the tragedies that befall us. I totally understand what you mean about the house. When my dad died very suddenly at the age of 66 I remember my mum literally howling with grief, I found a poem I had written to him years ago and read it to mum just before she left 6 weeks ago and we both cried. Grief can ambush us years after a death as does love. When I returned to mum's house, I felt almost the shock of the very house itself. There is no one there now, no one left. 2 years is still a very short time after 44 wonderful ones. No matter how painful Doreen, you wouldn't swap those 44 even if you knew what was ahead. Please remember that in those 4 walls of your home are a lot of loving and joyous memories, far more than the sad ones. Keep your lovely husband's spirit with you in the house, talk to him just as you did, tell him how you feel and ask him for comfort and watch out for little signs. Know also that had it been you that had passed first, you wouldn't want your husband to feel so alone.Do something he would have liked to have done, gardening, walking, going to a film anything you can do that would honour him and the love you shared. One day Doreen we will hear the birds sing again and remember with a smile. My loving thoughts go out to you XX

Jun 16, 2014
Thank you Barb
by: Debi

Dear Barb, Thank you so much for your wonderful support. Sudden Cardiac Arrest is so cruel in that we never get a chance to say goodbye and as there don't seem to be any symptoms there are no opportunities for treatment. I know people keep saying 'well at least she died quickly' but the point is she wasn't ready as she had so many plans and neither were we. I so hope you managed to cope ok with Father's Day and I was thinking of you. I lost my dad at the age of 66 to the same thing, and to have seen them so well and 'normal' so soon before and then passed the next is traumatic. When we see our parents looking so well, it gives us a sense that all is well in our lives and we can rest assured they will be with us for longer. When this assumption is snatched away the shock is horrifying. Barb, we cannot get 'over it' we can just get 'through' it, we can't get past it because we cannot go around it, but we have to cope. Knowing there are people like you who understand and take the time to comfort others reminds of how wonderful it can be to be human. My loving thoughts are with you and your precious Dad XXX

Jun 14, 2014
Dear Debi,
by: Anonymous

I am an only child as well, and lost my beloved father last year to Sudden Cardiac Arrest. I totally understand your emotions, and all that you are going through. I had seen my Dad the day before- he was fine; healthy and happy. I have finally come to accept his passing, but I will forever be changed, and my heart is always heavy. Tomorrow will be grim, being Father's Day, but I feel his spirit around me all of the time. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope your wonderful memories will comfort you as you begin to heal. Hugs, Barb

Jun 14, 2014
Grieving for my beloved angel
by: Doreen UK

Debi I am sorry for your loss of you mother to a sudden death. There is nothing worse than being in another country and having to attend the death of a close loved one. This is how I suddenly felt when emigrating to Canada over thirty years ago. We came back to the U.K. within one year. Glad I did. This is where my husband worked and got a terminal cancer from working with asbestos. It was here in this country that we felt more comfortable and having family close helped. We were married 44yrs. and I lost him to this dreadful disease 2yrs. ago. The house has died. It is as if the soul has gone out of our home since he left. Your mother would have died suddenly and not been able to know she was alone. If she was in crisis she would have had you on her mind. I think God somehow cushions our loved ones from being alone and carries them home. But it will be a very painful life for some time going on alone without your mother. Taking one day at a time helped me to cope. I still feel my grief more as I feel ALONE most days. You will in time find your way back into life and be able to cope. I lost my mother 11yrs. ago and I somehow have healed from her loss. It took 9yrs. I don't know when I will feel more comfortable with myself since losing my husband. We have no choice to go on each day despite our grief.

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