Grieving for my wonderful son Marty

It's New Year's Eve 2012. Another year has past without Marty being here. I hate holidays and most everyday. Jan 19, 2010 my wonderful son Marty died in a hospital that was suppose to be helping him. It was an inadequate facility with an unskilled dr. Marty was told by a cardiovascular surgeon there that he needed an aortic valve replacement. He wanted to be proactive and agreed. The dr did a good job of convinving him, making him think he was so skilled and the only dr capable of performing such a surgery. Following the surgery Marty stayed in a coma for fourteen days before leaving me and his family. The facility and dr showed no compassion or caring for me or the family. It was obvious to me they were covering their tracks. What makes it even worse the wife he had holds the medical records and will not let me or his daddy or brother look at them. What is she afraid of - what does she have to hide? Why would anyone want to make your pain greater. We don't understand her attitude toward us. There is no greater pain than lossing your child. I hope she never has to find out the pain that I am in every minute of every day, because there is only one way for you to know the pain I suffer and that is lossing a child. I love Marty's children so much and I know Marty would be so upset at the things that have transpired since he is no longer here. I wish I could have died instead of Marty. Marty should be enjoying his life. Marty loved his life and we always did everything to make Marty and Matt's life good. We had great times being together and I know Matt misses him so much. We are so thankful for Matt's wonderful wife and her loving and caring family. She has been so supportive of Matt and to us. I stuggle each and everyday and like a nurse in the hospital told me "you will never find peace with what happened here at this hospital." She is right, I won't!

Marty's Mama

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Jan 01, 2013
Grieving for my wonderful son Marty
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your son Marty suddenly to medical complications. It is bad enough losing a child/Adult Child without further awkwardness from Marty's wife withholding the medical records. Perhaps there is a way around this. e.g. writing to your senator and asking for his intervention. You need to know for your peace of mind that everything that should have been done, was done. You need to know that there was no cover up. I live in England and don't know what happens in Amercia. But in England I wrote to my MP. (Member of Parliament). He put the organisations in place that I needed support with to fight my corner. It was a hard battle but in the end the doctor came to our home and admitted that mistakes were made. That is all I needed to hear. The Doctor taking responsibility and not covering up his neglect. All we wanted was better medical care. By the time my husband got to the hospital he was transferred to another hospital as he had complications. He could have gone into a coma which usually lasts 6 weeks and many people are left with varying degrees of brain damage. My husband then went on to develop cancer and died 8 months ago of the deadly cancer caused by working with asbestos. I am still glad I fought up for him in 2005. It is a long and tedious story so I have abbreviated this. You also need to see a grief counsellor to help you cope with this ugly complication to your grief caused by the whitholding of the medical records. WE all need peace of mind from losing a loved one otherwise this will affect the length and intensity of your grief. I hope you get the support and answers you need and that you will eventually be able to grieve fully the loss of your son Marty.

Jan 01, 2013
We never stop grieving
by: Anonymous

I don't think we ever find peace when we have lost a child. My son died Sept. 1 2011 and I am still grieving. The hard part is not knowing why he died. The ME just said unknown whatever that means. I think of him everyday and wonder what he would be doing. He was only 39, my son and best friend. Don't let people tell you it hurts less as time goes on because it doesn't. I put on a good front for people because they don't think I should still be grieving but they have not lost a child and have no idea what me or others like me or going thru.

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