Grieving Mom who lost her only son

by Gayle
(Hendersonville, NC)

My 47 yr old son did not feel good in January. He was in FL, me in NC. I urged him to go to the ER.......he did mid January, they sent him home with the flu....he want back again the following week and was diagnosed with metastatic malignant melanoma in most organs of his body including a 5 inch mass in his chest. We got him here 2 days later and to an oncologist. The news was grim, 2 weeks to a month to live. Greg fought this monster with radiation and chemotherapy for 7 long months and did not want to die....he was so young. I cared for him during this time 24/7. He passed away 9 days ago and I still cannot believe he is gone from me. I miss him so much I hurt all over. He never complained even when he lost the use of his legs and right arm and lost so much weight. He never complained when he crawled like a toddler to the bathroom. He only complained of the pain that last week before he went into Hospice. I was there with him through the torment and restlessness he endured. His final day he was peaceful. I want so much to see him again and to touch him and to talk to him. He did not want to leave me. We are not suppose to bury our children, no matter how old. I need help from other parents who have lost an adult child to this insidious disease. Will I ever stop crying?

Comments for Grieving Mom who lost her only son

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Sep 14, 2014
13 months have passes
by: Gayle

It's been a little over a year, almost 13 months since I lost Greg. Does it get easier? Some days or moments are better than others, but the tears still flow. I also just lost my dog and best friend. She started to fail when Greg was failing. I know they know.........and she felt my grief. Now Sophia can play ball with Greg in heaven. Sometimes I think I will never be "happy" again. I am a different person, pieces of me are missing forever. My heart goes out to all of you for all of your losses. I pray we can all experience some peace again someday. Have faith, that's all we can do til we meet again.

Sep 12, 2014
why only sons?
by: Anonymous

since I lost my only son a few years ago, it's amazing to here the countless mothers who have lost their sons. I longed for a survey, for it has become somewhat of a mystic mystery to me. I also find that death of a love one is a process, you go into shock, unbelief, angry, blame, guilt, and people would always say" once you bury them, you began to heal" I found that the agony became unbearable when I walked away from the grave site.

May 20, 2014
To Billi
by: Anonymous

Billi, I am so sorry for the loss of your young daughter. It is heartbreaking and something we will never get over, I imagine we will just learn to cope with losing a child. Some days now are better than others and then I get slammed with a wave of tears and grief. I made it thru Mothers Day, but the days after were difficult. Keeping somewhat busy helps now, but then when I relax and am alone............the tears flow. I have to believe they are with us in spirit all the time. We are all energy and energy does not die, it just always takes a different form. Prayers and love to you. Gayle

May 20, 2014
Losing a child
by: Anonymous

So so sorry Billi for your loss. Your daughter was so young. Thinking and praying for your healing.

May 19, 2014
Your loss
by: Billi

i am so sorry about your son. I live close to you. I spent Mothers Day in Hendersonville, had to get out of Greenville. I will be thinking about you. Hugs and hugs to you. My daughter was 32 lost her battle with damn cancer!

Sep 01, 2013
Grieving mom
by: Gayle, grieving mom

I am so sad for all of us. We miss our loved ones so much. I went to church this morning and that is always difficult for me because Greg and I went together and he so loved our church. I now sit in the back and the tears flow much of the time. I find the emotions and crying are like a rollercoaster or waves, the tears come in waves like that. I have his Hospice "love bear" and hold it each night to my heart. These bears (before the ill receive them) go to church, they are held in someones arms close to the heart for the entire service, they are then blessed and given to the Hospice patients for their beds. I call it Greg bear and his hands were on top of the bear when he passed. I love the smell of it too. That's what I miss, his whole entire being, his smile, his love, his smell. I don't miss watching him suffer, although at least he was here. They say that the deceased are so happy in heaven, then don't want to come back, they want us to go there. Soon enough and we will all be reunited with our loved ones. Remember my friends, we are energy. Energy never has died, it just always takes a different form. I have now read Proof of Heaven 3x now by Eben Alexander, the neurosurgeon. It reinforces that our consciousness exists without our brains. The only thing getting me through the grief is my faith. With love and compassion to you all. Gayle

Aug 31, 2013
31 for 7 days...........
by: Pamela LeMaster

I am so so truly sorry for all of you on this site.........the emotions you describe are so accurate..........reading your comments help me to know that what I'm going through accurate with the sense of loss?? I hope I phrased that right. I know I am very sensitive with wording after this has happened.........

I don't know exactly what happened to Rustie yet..still waiting for an autopsy,

God will help us all throught this I believe that with all my heart.........

Aug 29, 2013
my precious boy
by: sheila

I lost my beautiful boy 8 months ago, he was 40 years old, he died of a heart attack.
To look at him you would have thought he was soooo fit, he was a body builder and the many different things he took over the years did so much damage to his heart.
I long for him from the time I open my eyes until I go to sleep at night, I don't think anyone can understand the pain unless you have lost a child, my mind goes back over the years from watching a little boy grow to manhood, and then being taken away. M6 heart has a huge gap in it that will always belong to him.

Aug 29, 2013
Your son
by: Kate

I too lost my son,9 months ago. I still long to see him,touch him,talk with him and hear him! Never again can I and my heart cries. It is very hard to accept.without divine help I can't do it. You will have many hard emotions ,grief is known on this site and it has helped me because no one understands unless they went on this horrid path. My son was 39. I hope support here will help some. We understand here.

Aug 28, 2013
Your son
by: Anonymous

I lost my 31 son four months ago. I think sometimes it hurts more to lose an adult child. I have so many years, so many memories. But my son never married or had kids, that will never be. And I miss him everyday. It doesn't hurt as much, but the longing for him is still very real. You are so right, we shouldn't have our children go before we do. Much too sad. And my son did not want to die. He wanted to live, but just couldn't find a way. His disease was addiction. I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm sorry he couldn't be cured. We never know why they are taken from us. Doesn't seem fair...

Aug 28, 2013
Grieving Mom who lost her only son
by: Doreen U.K.

Gayle I am sorry for your loss of your beloved son to Cancer.
I don't know what it is to lose a child, but I know all about the pain of the cancer journey and how difficult this is when going through it.
The day you start grieving is the day of diagnosis. Hearing that word Cancer, which for most of us means. "I am going to die" "I don't want to die, I want to live." This is how my husband felt. He didn't want to die. He was due to retire from his 47yrs. working life but 2yrs. before he got the dreadful news of a terminal cancer. he got this from working with Asbestos, not known then as a killer. If you inhale the fibres of Asbestos they lodge in the lungs and take 40-60yrs. to develop into an incurable tumour. I had a horrible cancer journey for over 3yrs. seeing my husband deteriorate. Sitting with him and looking into the face of a sad man who was slowly dying and couldn't even process this in his mind. He was about to lose his family forever. never seeing us again. this was hard.
To lose a child like you have is the very worst. No parent is prepared to bury their children. My eldest is a boy of 44yrs. and I feel vulnerable now to losing others from my family. There is nothing worse than a parent burying their child. I have 2 daughters 42yrs. and 33yrs. and this is hell to live each day hoping I don't lose any one of them. But I plan to not let death dominate my thoughts. The things we fear can happen. It will take you a long time to cope with your loss and heal from your grief. Take one day at a time. As you go through each day you will get through your sorrow. Don't look too far ahead otherwise the enormity of your loss would swallow you up. I still have sad, crying days, but nowhere as bad as the early days like you are in now. Good friends and family support help so much to cope with each day. The important thing is to not push yourself. I took each day as it came and I have healed better. Not there yet. But it does get easier with time.

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