Grieving Mom

My son, Ron was 29 when he took his life January 18, 2012. He struggled since he was a teenager with drugs and alcohol, introduced to him by his father. Most of his extended family, his father, stepmother and my own family included had turned their backs on him and when he relapsed again and ended up in jail on Jan. 17, 2012 I think he couldn't take the thought of his "failures" again being thrown in his face. He hung himself in his jail cell, on Jan. 18 and I had to make the decision to remove life support the next day. His sister and I were the only family supports he had left. I tried so hard to give him the positive support he so needed when he was doing well, the pat on the back, the "Great job Son....so proud of you". Even through his tough times I didn't put him down or make him feel worse about himself then he already did....it was "Ok, so we start again...we can get through this". We didn't get through this last time...I stuggle every second of every day with what else could I have done...what did I miss in those last phone calls.....WHY???? This is the most unbearable pain I have ever known.... He leaves behind 2 beautiful children. My grandaughters mother and i have found out that we were both being told lies about eachother by Ron's father and have since been able to reconcile our relationship so i will be able to see my son's daughter...I have had to file for grandparents rights for my sons son...those babies have a right to know who their daddy was...the man I knew....I miss him so much....will the guilt,anger and sorrow ever end?

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Apr 01, 2012
The best Man I knew
by: Anonymous

I lost my son Shaun at the age 28, on March 8th/2012. We were very close, I miss him so much and feel like i'm in another world sometimes. I have lots of family around and other children but , our family seems incomplete and I can't let go yet as I have all his stuff , and it comforts me for now. I can still smell him on his clothes and havn't wash them , i sleep with his pillow. I never thought i would go through this, it hurts so bad. I am seeing a counsellor, and am on meds for anxiety. Now what? life goes on as usual...how. It will never be the same. Time they say...we'll see. yes i sound angry, very...well you all know why. so many feelings. I know the pain will ease over time/ i hope. thanks

Feb 19, 2012
I have no words to comfort you
by: Anonymous

I know how difficult it must be for you, your wound is still very fresh and the pain must be unbearable, and during this time you need someone very badly to talk about your hurt, someone who will just listen to you, i hope you have someone. I lost my eldest son 4 months ago, i can understand how you must be feeling, you feel as if a piece of you has been ripped off, no matter what the circumstances of dying, when your loving son is no longer there than you feel many things why i didnt do this or that,but all that thinking is just useless because nothing is ever going to bring him back try to seek solace in prayers it might help you. You will be in my prayers.

Feb 06, 2012
Fresh Grief
by: Anonymous

You are still raw and everything is fresh...be gentle on yourself right now. I'm 18 months into my son's death and it still hurts tremendously so just know that you have to take things one step, one breath at a time. If you have a local compassionate friends meeting near you I highly recommend it for support. You can also join them on facebook under The Compassionate Friends. They have kept me sane when all I've wanted to do is jump off the nearest tower. Sending Hugs from California.
Shirley - mom of Dimitri 7/13/87 to 8/9/10 - I love you to the moon and back my beloved son!

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