Grieving mother of 16 year old son.
by Kristina
To think that he left that morning happy and alive, never to return home again. I feel like I relive that day over and over again. The world keeps going on around me and I hate it. I work with young children and their mothers, so returning to work has been very hard for me. Everything reminds me of him. I have a strong faith in God but this has shaken my faith. I find myself asking God all kinds of questions. Everything I use to believe in has changed in the blink of an eye. I use to love to bake and cook and wanted to someday open a bakery of my own. Now I hate to cook and we eat most of our meals out. It no longer brings me comfort. I have an 18 year old daughter that just started college this fall. I am trying so hard to be a mother to her but it is all I can do. When she goes out driving somewhere I go crazy until she gets back home again. I make her call me to check in while she is out and if I don't hear from her I am calling her to find out where she is and why she didn't call. I really just want to lock her up in her room and keep her safe, but I know that I have to let her live her life and I am trying to give her freedom but it is really hard. I have lots of friends and family that are there for me to talk to. Lots of my sons friends have written us and talked to us about him and want to stay in contact with us. It is great to hear how he touched so many people. He was very loud and always in your face demanding attention. My daughter is shy and quiet, so our house is very quiet now. I miss his noise and laughter so much. I can't get enough of his pictures. I am scanning every picture I have of him in my computer. I look at them all the time. Sometimes it gives me comfort other times it makes me upset. |
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