Grieving over the loss of my spouse
I cannot get over the loss of my relationship of 7 years. My husband and I separated 2 years ago. It was complicated. Sometimes he seemed to be very happy and loving and other times not. He used to say he couldn't live without me. He had problem with depression due to which it was hard for him to see positive in things. Also he seemed to be emotionally unstable. We moved to a new city for my new job and he was still looking for employment. We had an argument and he called his mother to complain. It was then that our relationship started to get worse and his behavior started to change. His mother started interfering in all our matters. She used to call him multiple times during the day and stopped talking to me. He started to blame me for everything and brought up every little mistake that I did since we got married. I wanted us to go for counseling but he refused. Finally he moved out and we got divorced. I went for counseling for months but it didn't help. It has been two years but I don't seem to get over it or move to any new relationship. I cry almost everyday thinking about him. I blame myself and cannot get myself to see negative in him although he had multiple issues(anger control problems, didnt seem to get along well with others). I loved him for what he was and I still do. Sometimes I feel like I loved him more than he did. He moved on so quickly, and got a girlfriend. I wrote him a new year note and said that I just wanted to see how he was doing. He replied back in a very harsh tone and that I shouldn't have written to him. I am not even his friend anymore and his life is so much better without me.I am not sure why he hates me so much. It is his hatred which bothers me a lot and that I am not allowed to communicate with him.I feel like I could never have a closure with him. I would greatly appreciate people's thoughts.