Grieving the loss of my daughter not in death
by Reta Shaver
I'm grieving and have been grieving over my daughter for years now. She got on drugs years ago and has made one wrong choice after another. She has a child now that is 8 yrs old and she is dragged into all this mess right a long with her. My husband and I have enabled her for years and now we are trying to stop and it is so hard! She doesn't have and can't keep a job and now she got kicked out of her apt. and has no place to live. We have been letting her and my grand daughter stay with us, but it was on the condition that she get a job. I have already asked her to leave twice now because she just doesn't seem to be trying. I have done all the wrong things by screaming and yelling and getting upset. I know I'm wrong and I just feel terrible, but I'm just at the end of my rope! I have told her now that Hannah, my granddaughter could stay with us, but that she would have to leave. I have offered to help her get on to disability because she is bi polar, but that hasn't gone anywhere either. My husband is very supportive and I don't know what I would do without him. We also have a young son still at home, he is 13. We adopted him at birth. My daughter is 36 and my only biological child. My husband has 2 biological children from a previous marriage and they are 32 and 35. They are doing fine. It is my daughter that we have constantly helped and put all our attention on. I just want to quit making the same mistakes I have continued to make. I put all my hopes and dreams in her and gave her every opportunity that I could when she was growing up and she has just turned out terrible. I am so disappointed in her and I know that I am a terrible mother. I'm so scared I'm going to make the same mistakes with my son.