Guilt

by Patricia
(Brooklyn new york)

My mom passed January 18th 2014 after being in the hospital form August. It started as a kidney fracture but was sick many years before that. She went through open heart surgery, knee replacement, strokes, diabetic , you name it she had it. Then the summer of 2013 she didn't get out of bed, wouldn't shower or eat and me and my family were angry not knowing why she choose to withdraw form life. I live in the downstairs apartment and there were times I just was so annoyed I didn't even go check on her or when I heard her up wouldn't even go upstairs to see here. I had her only grandson and I couldn't understand how she didn't want to enjoy him. Now that she is gone I understand that this women was in so much pain that she just gave up. I'm grieving so bad and my guilt haunts me every night. She only wanted me and my sisters to be happy and for us to spend time with her. I'm angry that she had to suffer most of her life it just isn't fair, I need her always my son will never truly know what a great nanny and mother she was

Comments for Guilt

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Feb 06, 2014
Set Your Guilt Free
by: Mary (PA)

Patricia,
I can sympathize with you on the loss of your mother. I lost my mother in April, 2013 after a VERY short illness. And I too have regrets ... not stopping in more frequently for visits or having minor disagreements. I think we all look back on decisions we made or actions we took over our lifetime with regrets. But please do not let those regrets define or consume you. It is apparent that you loved your mother very much or you wouldn't be having these feelings. And, I am sure your mother knew that you loved her. She has now reached the ultimate goal ... She is in the caring hands of our Father in heaven and you will see her again someday. Set yourself free of your guilt. None of us are perfect. We aren't expected to be. When I say my prayers this evening, I will say a special one for you ... for God to send you Peace.

Feb 06, 2014
Guilt
by: Doreen UK

Patricia I can understand your guilt. Many of us fail our parents at times out of misunderstanding. When someone is ill they can become stubborn, irritable, and non co-operative. It is up to Children as adults to have understanding and find ways to be supportive. If you now feel guilty because you failed to meet your mother's needs, you have to understand that she can't be hurt anymore by pain, and loss of support. She is FREE from her suffering. You will have to accept failing her through not understanding her needs and learn to FORGIVE yourself for your shortcomings. WE all live with some regret in life but I find it is in acceptance of what went wrong that we can eventually release ourselves from our guilt. A lot of misunderstanding comes from a lack of maturity. As one gets older and matures it is then that things fall into place and one can see the mistakes made.
Often when Children become adults they take on the hurts of the parents they loved and feel a sense of anger at what parents went through in their suffering. WE live in a fallen world so we all suffer from something every day of our lives. It is what we learn and grow from that makes us stronger, wiser, and mature. So not all suffering is negative. Suffering can have a cleansing effect. I also felt sadness over how my parents suffered and how they could not resolve their pain, but knowing God all I could do was to Pray for them and their needs and ask God to help me to help them where I could and leave the rest to God. Often we have to let God carry our burdens, even our shame and guilt. God absorbs it through His love and brings restoration to us. I hope that you can find freedom from your guilt and find a way forward that will bring you Peace and Comfort. I am sorry for your loss of your Mother.

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