happened all too quick!

by Leah
(Reading, England)

on september 2011 ( 4 months ago ) my dad said he needed to go to the doctor because he was having chest pains and shortness of breath. i didnt really take any notice of it and just thought it was normal. about a week later on my results day of my gcses i got a phone call saying my dad was in hospital because of his chest pains, i was so worried because nothing like it has ever happened before he was so fit and healthy all the time that it came a bit of a shock. but the next day he was aloud out and everything started getting back to normal the doctors said they wasnt sure what it was but its nothing to worry about so i just forgot about it. although he kept getting problems like swollen ankles heart pains and lack of energy. he kept coming and going to the doctors and hospital for tests and results for months. it became pretty normal to me and i just didnt take much notice they found that he had alot of fluid in his body thats why it kept getting swoling his body up and they just didnt worry too much about the chest pains, but then about this time last month he said he needed to go to hospital because he didnt feel right so we got someone to take him quickly and he stayed in a few nights, of cause i was worried but i still didnt take much notice of it as i am only 16 and thought he was fine and he didnt have anything major serious especially when they let him out again and said theres nothing big to worry about. but the day after he was released he had to go back in as he was coughing up blood i felt so bad he really didnt want to go back in he hated it there so much. they found what caused it because he was coughing so much he tore a muscle so thats where the blood was coming from. he wasnt aloud back out though and had to stay in. then about 3 weeks ago my sister came round saying they know whats wrong with him, i knew what it was when i saw her reaction and it was ... cancer! He had bone cancer, i couldnt believe it i knew he was ill but not this ill i felt sick and couldnt breath. but my sister reassured me saying they caught it really early and its only a little bit of medication and then he'll be fine. so i started to get used to the idea and accept it, he was getting better after all hoping that before i knew it everything would be back to normal. i visited him all the time. but then just over a week ago he was aloud to come home but when he got up he collapsed .. twice. his girl friend went to have a meeting with the doctors and we all found out it was actually terminal cancer and he only has a few months left. i felt numb, sick could not stop crying all thoughs time i though i hated him made me feel so bad for never appreciating him i hate my self for it. he was able to come out and i started to cope with the idea that i only had months left with him i had many plans on what we would do and everything .. but once again a bomb hit me.. this time last week i thought i had months left with my dad and i was going to be so careful with them... but he didnt even make it his first week home and died three days ago. he had a fall in the night and was rushed to hospital i thought he'll be ok and will come home soon then i got the call saying he only has hours left. was the hardest thing i will ever have to go through in my entire life. luckily i was there for him when he went and i told him i loved him with my family even though my brother and sister didnt make it he wasnt really with it so we told him they were. i still cant believe it. i still cant believe that i didnt even realise i loved him this much, i already miss him a ridiculously amount and will never stop. i just hope he's in a better place now and is happy with my mum who died over 10 years ago. i hope more then anything this will get easier i know its only been a couple of days and i have a loooong way to go but im not saying bye im just saying see you later. im going to have a good happy life and do him proud and then when its my time i'll go see him and my mum again and be with them forever.

Comments for happened all too quick!

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Apr 14, 2012
If I could have that day again
by: Anonymous

Thank you for posting this. I lost my dad on 29 feb 2012 after a diagnosis of cancer 5 days earlier, I knew he wasn't in the best of health and unlike you I am more of the age when others around me have had similar experiences, but it still seems unreal and hurts so much
Dad had regularly phoned me, nothing much to say except 'don't you worry about me' - I guess He might have known a bit more than he let on-but I didn't take it seriously enough and just accepted he was ok.
I saw him only once for a whole day before the last 2weeks
Even then when I could tell how much more frail he seemed, I still didn't cherish that day enough, didn't hug enough, tell him enough how much I loved him. We had a lunch but he wasn't really up to it-then a few drinks and the usual goodbyes as if there was our whole lives ahead of us.
If I could have that day,those few hours again ....
Dad went into hospital 9 days before he died and each day he was worse than the previous one -it was such a shock and so unexpected that we had no more time.

At my stronger moments I would like to think my daddy played it intentionally that way, being the ultimate protector of his little girl right to the end.

I' m so sad he's not here now, I miss the untimely phone calls; ( he would always call late or during busy times) but I would give anything to have him call just one more time.

I know he is in a better place now and even though I told him I loved him and how proud I was of him - i feel such an emptiness.

I think my life will never the same again- at times distraction is a temporary relief but sharing reading and knowing others may understand gives some comfort

Friends say that in time I might be able to look at things and
smile in a way that remembers dad fondly or think how proud
he would have been or what he might have had to say on
something. But for now I'm sending all my love to anyone going through this very sad time.

Apr 02, 2012
Knowing how you feel
by: Mandie

Had to leave a comment. This is the only site I have done this on but your story was so familiar just had to say I know exactly how your feeling. Had a very similar experience with my Dad, 51 weeks ago, that shows how much it affects your life. He too became ill very quickly, start to finish 6 months but only really the last couple of months were finally diagnosed as cancer, hate having to associate my Dad with that word. He had been backwards and forwards to Doctors, everything from a pulled muscle to they didnt know what until finally after several hospital visits they diagnosed him. Even then a little operation and he would be fine!! Went into the Hospice for a rest and a rest for Mum and 6 days later he was gone. I would like to say it gets easier, it doesn't. Everyday is a struggle you just learn to live with it and have just realised my life has begun again from the date he died. Everything is measured from that date, 'a month ago, 6 months ago he was still here'. Still wake up thinking, no it cant be true for a split second and still cant think or look at photo without a tear. Accept not everybody remembers him like you do or that friends will not always have your sadness paramount in their minds and go with the grief. I could say dont feel guilty for what you should of done or if you have a moment of happiness dont punish yourself he wouldnt want you to be unhappy, sometimes when |Im at the Crematorium standing in the pouring rain I know he would say 'what the hell was I doing there getting drenched' Its a horrible club to join, losing a parent club, but there are a lot of us out there, someone will always understand.

Jan 15, 2012
I want my DAD back
by: Anonymous

My father recently passed away from a heart attack. We found him in the shower and I will never forget that day. I miss him soo much. This is tearing me up. I can't sleep and often wake up through out the night crying. I keep thinking if there was something I could have done to prevent this. I love my dad very much and I don't know how I am going to go on without him.


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