Happy Anniversary Joe...........
by Trish Jones
TAKEN 14 MONTHS PRIOR TO JOE'S PASSING
I haven't posted for a while because nothing has really changed. I'm stuck in grief. Today would've been our 38th wedding anniversary. I've been dreading this day for a week. I had myself so worked up. I cried and cried for days. The day is now here and I'm actually OK. I guess I'm just going to celebrate the fact that we had so many good years together. I'm healthy, my children and grandchildren are healthy, I have many good friends.
I'm still very lost but am doing better. I miss Joe more today than I did 6 months ago. The loss will be with me forever. I know that and I'm really trying. Trying to live ~ trying to move forward. Moving on doesn't mean I have to forget.
My daughter-in-law and I had my little grandsons at the pool in my condo building a few months ago. My oldest grandson was trying to hold an inflated ball under the water and it kept popping up. I thought ~ that's me with my feelings. I try to keep them in check but they keep popping up. I knew I really had to deal with those feelings. I've done a lot more writing (to Joe and myself) about things that have been bothering me. Issues that I don't think we ever dealt with. That has really helped.
I've had 4 deaths in my family since Joe passed. One of the wakes was actually in the exact same room that Joe's was in. That was hard. The deceased was my brother-in-law's 45 year old sister. My most beloved cousin Michael passed away in June after a long battle with Parkinson's Disease. He was a trooper just like Joe. I miss them all but I realize that birth, life and death is all part of God's plan.
Today I celebrate.....my imperfect marriage......the fights and the makeups.....the love and laughter.....the ups and downs. The basis for it all was love and that's what I miss not having in my life. The love of a good man.
I will continue to take it, one breath, one step at a time. Thank God for this site.