Happy Anniversary Joe...........

by Trish Jones
(Chicago)

TAKEN 14 MONTHS PRIOR TO JOE'S PASSING

TAKEN 14 MONTHS PRIOR TO JOE'S PASSING

I haven't posted for a while because nothing has really changed. I'm stuck in grief. Today would've been our 38th wedding anniversary. I've been dreading this day for a week. I had myself so worked up. I cried and cried for days. The day is now here and I'm actually OK. I guess I'm just going to celebrate the fact that we had so many good years together. I'm healthy, my children and grandchildren are healthy, I have many good friends.
I'm still very lost but am doing better. I miss Joe more today than I did 6 months ago. The loss will be with me forever. I know that and I'm really trying. Trying to live ~ trying to move forward. Moving on doesn't mean I have to forget.
My daughter-in-law and I had my little grandsons at the pool in my condo building a few months ago. My oldest grandson was trying to hold an inflated ball under the water and it kept popping up. I thought ~ that's me with my feelings. I try to keep them in check but they keep popping up. I knew I really had to deal with those feelings. I've done a lot more writing (to Joe and myself) about things that have been bothering me. Issues that I don't think we ever dealt with. That has really helped.
I've had 4 deaths in my family since Joe passed. One of the wakes was actually in the exact same room that Joe's was in. That was hard. The deceased was my brother-in-law's 45 year old sister. My most beloved cousin Michael passed away in June after a long battle with Parkinson's Disease. He was a trooper just like Joe. I miss them all but I realize that birth, life and death is all part of God's plan.
Today I celebrate.....my imperfect marriage......the fights and the makeups.....the love and laughter.....the ups and downs. The basis for it all was love and that's what I miss not having in my life. The love of a good man.
I will continue to take it, one breath, one step at a time. Thank God for this site.
PJ

Comments for Happy Anniversary Joe...........

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Aug 20, 2011
Anniversaries
by: Pat

I sincerely empathize with you, as I lost my husband of 42 years on our 42nd wedding anniversary last year. He has been gone 1 year and 2 months and I still miss him so! The last three days have been especially tearful for me, as I realize no one and nothing can take his place in my heart. I am going to call or go by another widow's house this evening, as it will be her anniversary tomorrow and she is having a tough time. Volunteering two mornings a week at a Christian center helping people obtain assistance helps but there is no one to share this with. My house is so lonely except for my two cats. No one comes over much at all and I hate living alone. I have been disappointed in the fact that no one at my church comes over and my grown daughter is just too busy so it I only see her about once a month for just lunch. I have joined a widow's support group but they are all older than me and only meet once a month. My husband was my confidant.

Aug 20, 2011
I'm in your shoes
by: Lula

Oh, Lady, I am walking in your shoes. John has been gone 2 months. Like you, I made a water comparison. John and I were in the deep end of the pool. He was sinking and I was trying to hold on to him. I knew I was sinking, but I refused to let go. I wanted to sink with him. Then a hand reached out. I took it. I let go of John. That was the day I stopped asking God to bring me home. I asked Him if He didn't want me in heaven yet, then please put me to work. I got a phone call the next day.
I didn't even think of our anniversary.. what to do. Right now, every day without him is a struggle.
Keep posting. We'll either get through this, or I'll meet you in heaven. God give you peace.

Aug 16, 2011
Happy Anniversary Joe
by: Anonymous

So sorry for your loss...my parents made it to their 48th anniversary in March 2009, then my mom passed in April of 2009 after a harrowing 7-year battle with colon cancer. Two months later, my 46 yr old husband was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma, 13 months later he was gone, July 31, 2010. I spent the first anniversary of his death in the hospital, with heart problems, believe it or not! This grief journey is truly a rollercoaster, and the downs are horrific. The only thing that keeps me from laying in bed all day every day are my children. Anyway, just wanted to let you know someone out there understands and cares. Kathy R.

Aug 16, 2011
Happy Anniversary Trish
by:

Trish,

If there is a good attitude to have during grief you have it. I know how much you miss Joe. I miss Paul too. But I know that I was fortunate to Love him and him actually Love me back. There are so many that do not get the Cinderella story. Or Camelot however you want to think of it.

No Marriage is perfect nor are humans in their nature or their actions but as far as a good fit...Paul and I were that. I really miss him even as time passes but the feeling now is that I am grateful that he was in my life.

Months ago when someone said "It is better to loved and lost than never to have loved at all" I would want to shoot em. But now, I know what that means and I am no longer angry at that and many of the other sayings said in grief.

No one can understand what we are going through or have gone through, Except here...This is our sanctuary, Our safe place to come to. And though I head towards the 2 year mark in Dec. I still need this (site) for comfort and safety.

I have come far and you will too, we will never be who we once were but will be stronger than we ever thought ourselves possible.
And for that I am both proud and saddened by it. But it will be o.k I promise and I always keep my promises...
HH

Aug 16, 2011
Anniversary
by: Zoe

PJ

I think it is so good to see you celebrating your anniversary. The one based on love, not loss. I am like you, I am never going to not have grief, time is moving me forward, if that is what we have, then that is what we hold onto. None of our unions were perfect, there were ups and downs, but they were perfect for us.
Congratulations on your anniversary. I am sure your Joe is smiling with you.
one breath, one step. one day at a time.

Aug 16, 2011
Happy Anniversary to your Memories
by: Judith in California

TrishJ, that's a nice picture. I'm so glad to finally see who I talk with from time to time ,tho' it be under this awful circumstance. Thank you for your responses to my writings. So you were a caregiver too. I truly believe those of us who did that have a more difficult time with grief. We lost so much of our relationship during their illness. Then to lose them and you especially with more losses than we should have to endure. I love the "imperfect marriage phrase". If truth be told, is what most of us had. I know I did too.
It is hard to see that anniversary without them. But you have the right idea to use the day for remembrance of your years together as real as it was. I had my 36 year anniversary back in March and it was rough.
May God bless you and bring you comfort Trish.


Aug 16, 2011
anniversaries and special days
by: Judy

Trish,

I'm a little ahead of you in this unwelcome ride , nearing the two year mark. I have found over time that the anniversaries, holidays, etc are always worse in anticipation that the actual day itself. Somehow we find the strength to get through them, and actually use them as you say to think about the good times,reflect on what life HAS given you and to savor your memories. I always let myself bawl my head off if that's what I feel like but lately it's been easier. Maybe this is the passage of time, or maybe this is healing or maybe it's adapting to how things are. Whatever it is, it does get easier.

Some days are always going to have more meaning, so give yourself permission to pause on those days to feel whatever you are feeling. Whatever it is it's all right.

JM

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