Happy Birthday Mom,
(Menlo Park, CA)
I have been a wreck since Mother's Day—your favorite day of the year. And now it's your birthday.
For the first two years after your death, I tried to busy myself so much that I wouldn't know what day it was. I deliberately tried to confuse myself. I never worked.
This year I tried to escape too. But I also tried to be grateful for the time I had with you, only to realize how completely selfish I am because I wanted more time. You know, though, there would never have been enough time. Ha, there would never have been a day when I said, ok, I am ready for you to go now. Even if you were in dread pain, I would have tried to get the past back when you weren't suffering.
So, let me just say this. I hope there is an afterlife and that you are goofing off someplace. Or maybe you have been re-born? I only hope a little that you can see that I am suffering because there is really nothing to be done about it.
I have lost the zest I once had, and all the energy I once had as well...you could have left a little, you know.
I used to have such drive and ambition, but that's gone to. In fact, even with me being so utterly brilliant, I can't find a job...it's as though people can see I am only a shadow of myself. I am hoping by this time next year I will have found a little of myself, so I can at least be more whole.
You were my heart beat and the air that I breathe. You lit up my life, and you taught me about love...
Today is your birthday, you would have been 75. I miss you so much still and forever.