Happy Birthday Mom,

by Chris
(Menlo Park, CA)

Dear Mom,

I have been a wreck since Mother's Day—your favorite day of the year. And now it's your birthday.

For the first two years after your death, I tried to busy myself so much that I wouldn't know what day it was. I deliberately tried to confuse myself. I never worked.

This year I tried to escape too. But I also tried to be grateful for the time I had with you, only to realize how completely selfish I am because I wanted more time. You know, though, there would never have been enough time. Ha, there would never have been a day when I said, ok, I am ready for you to go now. Even if you were in dread pain, I would have tried to get the past back when you weren't suffering.

So, let me just say this. I hope there is an afterlife and that you are goofing off someplace. Or maybe you have been re-born? I only hope a little that you can see that I am suffering because there is really nothing to be done about it.
I have lost the zest I once had, and all the energy I once had as well...you could have left a little, you know.

I used to have such drive and ambition, but that's gone to. In fact, even with me being so utterly brilliant, I can't find a job...it's as though people can see I am only a shadow of myself. I am hoping by this time next year I will have found a little of myself, so I can at least be more whole.

You were my heart beat and the air that I breathe. You lit up my life, and you taught me about love...

Today is your birthday, you would have been 75. I miss you so much still and forever.


Comments for Happy Birthday Mom,

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Jun 15, 2012
by: Molly

I am so happy that I am not the only one who feels worthless and that they have lost themselves...but also so sad.
Chris, I am only 20 years old, and lost my mother due to a car accident suddenly. Although your mother seemed to be your best friend, and my relationship was a bit difficult...I feel the exact same way and am going through the same situation (almost)but a bit more messy.

I left my job a few months after her death. I could not work in time for counseling or school. I had such an ambition, believing in myself, ready to take on the world...Now it's hard just to walk up the street and get the mail...let alone make a phone call. I just CANNOT find a job anywhere... and everything has become a struggle. Things that I had NO idea I needed my mother for are now coming to surface.

When I get married, she wont be there. When I have children, she wont be there. I don't have any clue what I am going to tell them...why they only have one grandma. There are many more...

I don't have a great outlook on life anymore...simply because pain, sorrow and despair have become my personality, and death is a well known friend. We will never "get over it"...it will be there forever. Especially if your mother died tragically or abruptly.

Please, if you find something that has gotten you out of this rut, update. I need some help :(((

Take care,


Jun 06, 2012
Happy Birthday Mum
by: Federico

dear Chris, I had the same feeling after lost her. But sincerely, I think is time to wake up and go forward. Isn't easy, we suffered the same lost, but life goes on. Our Mums are in an unknown place, suposedly well. But We stay here for time. My best wishes, and hope soon....

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