Happy Holidays?

by Horatio

Grief, well it’s what many of us live daily.

When I was 10, I’m now 55, I came home from school to find my Mom dead. I always bee lined it home because I had a paper route the throw. My Mom would pick up the papers from the end of the drive and have them in the house. Many times she would have them rolled when I got home or at least have all the inserts in the papers. It was a rainy day and when I made it home the papers were still at the end of the drive. Wet and ruined. I knew. I didn’t even stop but went right up the drive and into the house. The lights where off and because of the cloudiness the house was dark. I found her still in bed. She had been suffering from depression. Back then it was call many different names for little was known about what we now know as depression. Little the medical establishment knew or could do. Sedate and bed rest was the usually prescribed remedy. Not sure to this day if it was an accident or not. She did love my Dad and me very much, but her pain was great.

My relationship with grief started early in my life.

In 98 I lost my Dad to cancer after a very courageous battle. He fought long and hard. Then in 04 my wife of 33 years was diagnosed with cancer. My wife, my rock, the only person I had in the world. The two of us knew too much about cancer having gone through it with my Dad we knew what the words meant. We knew what the looks on the doctors face’s meant. We knew too much. We soon knew what plans had to be made. In 06 I lost her.

I had no siblings no family. After a period of time I stopped getting the calls from the in laws. The surviving sisters and nephews stopped visiting. The letters and cards stopped. Time rocked on though. It won’t stop. Just keeps on clicking on.

Birthday cards are a thing of the past and that day is like the others. No celebration, no gifts. Just another day. Thanksgivings are also that way. How good I remember turkey tasting. I close my eyes and it’s like yesterday. So vivid, so real. Well here comes Christmas again. No tree, few decorations. An invite or two, but why invade a day meant for family. So as the other days, Christmas too is just a day, nothing special, just a day. I’m a man of little faith, of little strength. I do buy gifts for the angle tree kids and volunteer where needed but it’s just another day.

The enjoyment is gone. The fun is long missing.

So you speak of grief, I know of grief

Comments for Happy Holidays?

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Dec 12, 2011
holidays are difficult
by: Nancy Tannenbaum

Holidays are always difficult....I struggle with them as you do. I won't patronize you by saying that I "know how you feel." What I WILL say is that I struggle with holidays just as you do. I have found that the best way to handle holidays is to stay busy - maybe doing something for someone else - nearly everyone has a hard road to walk. Often I have found it is best just to "sit with the grief" and experience it, then let it pass. It's harder when you try to outrun it, anyway. As for Christmas, well, it has become such an obnoxious exercise in commercialism that it's not that hard for me to ignore it! I wish you the best and I will remember you in my prayers.

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