Hard To Move On!
I was dumped out of the blue one day. we had been dating for over a year. we talked about the future together. moving in together and getting engaged. i think he really never wanted any of that. there were many red-flags in the beginning. he is 43 and never married and no kids. I think his longest relationship was 2 years. he lives with a friend in a room over the garage and is rarely in the country. he has a drinking problem and shoots up steroids. just a freaking train wreck. what was i thinking. i just got out of a long-term marriage when i met him. i should have not been dating at all.
i was devastated over my divorce and i walked right into a disaster. i do not want anything to do with another relationship. thinking about men makes my skin crawl. i feel that if i was in a right state of mind i would have known better. who knows. he has been nothing but cruel and distant during and since the breakup. i hate myself and i wish i never met him. i know in time i will not care its just getting there that hurts. i think i am a bad judge of character when it comes to men. i think i get it from my mother.
the only person i have to blame is myself. i cant wait for this pain to be over. i hope and want the pain to go away now but it won't. my girlfriends get over guys easy. i wish i was like them. right now i wish i didn't have any emotions. then it wouldn't hurt.
i know there are good guys out there. i hope i find one someday. if i don't life will be fine.