Hard To Move On!

I was dumped out of the blue one day. we had been dating for over a year. we talked about the future together. moving in together and getting engaged. i think he really never wanted any of that. there were many red-flags in the beginning. he is 43 and never married and no kids. I think his longest relationship was 2 years. he lives with a friend in a room over the garage and is rarely in the country. he has a drinking problem and shoots up steroids. just a freaking train wreck. what was i thinking. i just got out of a long-term marriage when i met him. i should have not been dating at all.

i was devastated over my divorce and i walked right into a disaster. i do not want anything to do with another relationship. thinking about men makes my skin crawl. i feel that if i was in a right state of mind i would have known better. who knows. he has been nothing but cruel and distant during and since the breakup. i hate myself and i wish i never met him. i know in time i will not care its just getting there that hurts. i think i am a bad judge of character when it comes to men. i think i get it from my mother.

the only person i have to blame is myself. i cant wait for this pain to be over. i hope and want the pain to go away now but it won't. my girlfriends get over guys easy. i wish i was like them. right now i wish i didn't have any emotions. then it wouldn't hurt.

i know there are good guys out there. i hope i find one someday. if i don't life will be fine.

Comments for Hard To Move On!

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Oct 24, 2013
Dear Hard to Move on
by: Anonymous

What's so painful about being dumped by "in your words" a guy who has a drinking problem and shoots up steroids and just a train wreck.?!!!

Please respect yourself and get to know who you really are and what you will tolerate and not. Then set your standards high and don't give uo the "cookie" to anyone before 90 days. Get to really know someone before you become intimate with them. Ask questions, do criminal research on them, find out about their past relationships, how they get along with their mothers and family. Ask about their values and spirituality. Ask about their activities. Find out if he respects himself or is he a bad boy who has no boundaries or self control. Is he a person of character. All of these things are more important than just bedding someone.

Good luck in your future.

Oct 01, 2013
Hard To Move On!
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of marriage and relationship that went wrong. Stop beating yourself up for your mistakes. If possible and affordable try a good counsellor. I did this counselling bit and resolved not only my losses but also the patterns of behaviour develop from our upbringing which interfere with life and stop us from having better relationships. IT WORKED.
You say you went through a hard divorce so understandably went into a new relationship that turned out to be bad for you and left you scarred. Give yourself time to heal from this. Then you will be able to see more clearly. Don't focus on your friends getting it right and you aren't so wondering what is wrong with you and then beating on yourself. Turn this negative into a positive. Often patterns of behaviour learned from our family traits can affect our lives. Counselling can help to address what is going on and often these problems never bother us again and we start to make better choices. You have the right to be happy. You can be happy. You don't have to limit your life because a long marriage has failed. Pick yourself up. Get counselling. Move forward and be happy again. It is very possible. You just need someone to encourage you in the right direction. Often we have to nurture ourselves in a positive way and we start feeling better about ourselves and our world. Then our life starts to change. Growing up I only knew what negative was. I went into counselling in my 40's being married and with 3 children. I feel GREAT NOW. I DID IT. My life got better. I am now a positive thinker and my life is brighter. Yours can be also. You just need to take that first step. You won't regret it. Your life will change and you will make better choices. Because you will be in control. It is not easy coming out of a marriage with some baggage and restructuring your life again. I lost my husband to cancer 17 months ago. I got a gift back from his death. FREEDOM. I see this as a gift I will use wisely to my benefit. You also have FREEDOM after your divorce. Don't see this as the end of your life. But the beginning. Keep putting lovely, new things in your life to help build your self esteem. When you love yourself you will attract someone who will be drawn to you as a result. I look forward to hearing from you again with positive happier results. Be Happy. Learn to love yourself. You will find life good again. Best wishes.

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