Haunted

by Ashley
(Pennsylvania)

About a year and a half ago I met what appeared to be this amazing guy. We texted all the time, talked on the phone, and saw each other as much as our schedules would allow. From the second I met him I knew I would love him. There was something that made me trust him like I had never trusted any other guy before. It was the first time I had ever let a guy in and opened up; where I was actually head over heels for someone. He always had this profound ability to make me smile and giddy like a little kid with candy…and no one has that effect on me. Not too far in the relationship he told me he loved me and soon after I realized I loved him too. Eventually after a few months I started hearing some rumors about him from coworkers who knew him. The things they were saying made sense so I confronted him. The way I did it was impulsive and stupid, but his reaction was complete rage. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about how I handled that situation. However, we stayed together until he started ignoring me and stopped communicating with me the way he did before. We ended up arguing over the phone about another rumor I’d heard about him cheating on me. It seemed like everyone had known but me, even his family had contacted me about some things. After the most intense battle he ended things. I never thought I would see or hear from him again. My heart was completely broken and I was left devastated. I had honestly thought we would last forever and felt so betray by the things he had done. No matter how hard I tried to forget about and blamed myself, deep down I knew what he did. I was completely taken aback when he texted me a week later. This was the first of the many times in a vicious cycle that began. He would contact me, claim to want to work things out, and then start ignoring me again. I kept pushing everything he did aside because I loved him so much. We would talk on and off sometimes a few months in between, and on occasion see each other. About 10 months into this cycle I realized I had to stop and admit to myself that nothing was ever going to change with him and that I could never trust him again. Despite this it continued five or so more months because I always gave into him. I tried blocking his number, but I’d always unblock it because it felt like cheating on getting over him for real. It’s been a few weeks now since I’ve spoken to him and he has tried contacting me and saying things to evoke a reaction out of me, but I have ignored him each time. I’ve never lasted so long ignoring him. Even though it’s hard and all I want to do is contact him, I remind myself I deserve more respect and consideration than he has given me since our relationship ended over a year ago. My heart still hurts though and it’s like it’s all fresh; like we’re breaking up all over again. No one really understands that. It’s such a lonely feeling and everything seems to remind me of him, I can’t help but cry. It sucks to know you can never be with the one person you really loved and will always love in some way ever again. Part of me feels like I’ll never last ignoring him, he always comes back for more. As if the memories aren’t haunting enough.

Comments for Haunted

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Jun 28, 2012
Thank you
by: Ashley

Thank you so much I really appreciate what you've said. I used to feel like I was going crazy because of my ex too. I also used to treat my family poorly when I was going through rough patches with my ex; sometimes we take things out on the people closest to us. That's also one of the things helping me stay away, because I hate treating my family the way I would each time he let me down. I wish your son and you the best! All you can do is be there and hope he makes the right decision.

Jun 28, 2012
Thank you
by: Ashley

Thank you so much I really appreciate what you've said. I used to feel like I was going crazy because of my ex too. I also used to treat my family poorly when I was going through rough patches with my ex; sometimes we take things out on the people closest to us. That's also one of the things helping me stay away, because I hate treating my family the way I would each time he let me down. I wish your son and you the best! All you can do is be there and hope he makes the right decision.

Jun 27, 2012
HAUNTED
by: Doreen U.K.

+Hi Ashley
I applaud you for your decision to not contact your boyfriend who has hurt you by the rumours. If many pe0ple are telling you things and even his family. Then they are looking out for you and not wanting you to get hurt. LISTEN TO THEM.
Don't go back on your word and see this man because he is pestering you. Because you are ignoring him it is like you are playing hard to get and so this will cause this man to pursue you even more. Follow your heart. If you have a strong gut feeling to not go back then don't and don't change your mind. You may regret this. For the fact this man flew into a rage means he has anger issues which he will take into marriage and you may even be beaten up or he won't forget this. It is only when you are married that he may make you feel you are under his rule (thumb) and you may feel trapped and not be able to leave. BE VERY CAUTIOUS. You may be walking on dangerous ground by being haunted by this man and then your heart will rule your head.
When someone hurts you so bad and you feel you can't go back then DON'T. Cheating on a partner is a pattern that may be hard to be broken and you will become a casualty in a relationship that will destroy you.
My son has gone back into a marriage that is soul destroying because his wife is befriending her ex boyfriend. She doesn't realize there is 3 in the marriage and it is affecting my son. Chris won't listen to us and in fact walked away from me. Chris was thrown out of HER (HIS WIFE'S ) house 5 times. She then told him to get out of her car because Chris didn't like her relationship with her ex-boyfriend that should go to him as her husband. But she still threw him out of the car at 4 in the morning and it was snowing and bitterly cold and he was lost. He went back. She told him she wanted to annul the marriage and still he won't listen. She suddenly felt she was not suited to marriage. Both my son and his wife were sending ugly text messages back and forth. Chris has gone back to his wife. If he can work it out I will be happy for him. But his self-esteem will suffer. Chris walked away from me on the day of the funeral when I buried my husband of 44yrs. marriage, (his father) He promised his dad he would look after us. He is only concerned for his wife. I only stayed around because he was suicidal. Chris has had 2 mental breakdowns because of his wife and on anti-depressants. He was never like this with anyone else in his life.
My son was not earning enough money to keep her happy. She would use her money to go mega shopping for her ex-boyfriend. It doesn't take a genius to tell this is not normal behaviour. If you see things are not good then walk away with your Integrity and self respect. When you cannot resolve problems before marriage it will be that much worse after marriage and more painfull.
I hope that you wont' be Haunted by this man anymore. Best wishes in whatever you decide to do for the future.

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