About a year and a half ago I met what appeared to be this amazing guy. We texted all the time, talked on the phone, and saw each other as much as our schedules would allow. From the second I met him I knew I would love him. There was something that made me trust him like I had never trusted any other guy before. It was the first time I had ever let a guy in and opened up; where I was actually head over heels for someone. He always had this profound ability to make me smile and giddy like a little kid with candy…and no one has that effect on me. Not too far in the relationship he told me he loved me and soon after I realized I loved him too. Eventually after a few months I started hearing some rumors about him from coworkers who knew him. The things they were saying made sense so I confronted him. The way I did it was impulsive and stupid, but his reaction was complete rage. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about how I handled that situation. However, we stayed together until he started ignoring me and stopped communicating with me the way he did before. We ended up arguing over the phone about another rumor I’d heard about him cheating on me. It seemed like everyone had known but me, even his family had contacted me about some things. After the most intense battle he ended things. I never thought I would see or hear from him again. My heart was completely broken and I was left devastated. I had honestly thought we would last forever and felt so betray by the things he had done. No matter how hard I tried to forget about and blamed myself, deep down I knew what he did. I was completely taken aback when he texted me a week later. This was the first of the many times in a vicious cycle that began. He would contact me, claim to want to work things out, and then start ignoring me again. I kept pushing everything he did aside because I loved him so much. We would talk on and off sometimes a few months in between, and on occasion see each other. About 10 months into this cycle I realized I had to stop and admit to myself that nothing was ever going to change with him and that I could never trust him again. Despite this it continued five or so more months because I always gave into him. I tried blocking his number, but I’d always unblock it because it felt like cheating on getting over him for real. It’s been a few weeks now since I’ve spoken to him and he has tried contacting me and saying things to evoke a reaction out of me, but I have ignored him each time. I’ve never lasted so long ignoring him. Even though it’s hard and all I want to do is contact him, I remind myself I deserve more respect and consideration than he has given me since our relationship ended over a year ago. My heart still hurts though and it’s like it’s all fresh; like we’re breaking up all over again. No one really understands that. It’s such a lonely feeling and everything seems to remind me of him, I can’t help but cry. It sucks to know you can never be with the one person you really loved and will always love in some way ever again. Part of me feels like I’ll never last ignoring him, he always comes back for more. As if the memories aren’t haunting enough.