Having A Bad Day

by Mary
(Ocean, NJ)

Today has been a very lonely day. The weather is rainy and dreary and so is my life. It has been five months since I lost my loving husband and I feel stuck. I am still having a difficult time believing Gene is gone forever. I can't seem to get past the loneliness. I have dear friends but nothing can replace the love of my life. Somedays are better than others, but today has just been a day where I feel so lost. I just don't know what to do with myself. I am retired, so I don't even go to a job. I know I could volunteer or get a part time job, but I just don't feel like doing anything. Again, I just feel stuck. Will it ever get better? How do I start a new life? How can I get through the loneliness? I have no answers.

Comments for Having A Bad Day

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Nov 28, 2011
Grief & lonliness
by: Debra

Hi Mary, so sorry for the loss of your husband. I lost my precious daughter Oct.20/2011 and am completely lost, I ache for her and wander aimlessly in this now quiet house. I find no peace just agony without her. she was our sunshine and gave us such love.
I wish i had died with her, can not stand her being gone....
Hard to believe in God, why take someone so young and so innocent???!!!!
I have no purpose, life is now torture.

May 17, 2011
Dear Mary,
by: Anonymous

It has been six months since I lost my soulmate of 45 years. I am from NJ too. I could have written each and every word you wrote.. We are at a very lonely place and it must be Hell. I think it should be getting better but my thoughts and love for him won't allow the sunshine in.. Nothing anyone says makes me feel better. Nights are the worst. I find myself envying older couples who walk holding hands. I cry while I'm driving and it doesn't matter whether I go out or stay home - my feelings are the same. I am reading the memoirs he wrote and falling in love with him all over again. My purpose in writing is to let you know you are not alone.
Only the Lord can help us each day. So I pray and work and ask John to pray for me. Promise me you will do the same. We are together in this. You are not alone.

May 17, 2011
you are not alone
by: kay

Mary
I know how you feel losing someone you love dearly with all your heart because I lost my only son last year ,he was 23. I am feeling your pain and know our lives will never be the same. I am sending you all my love and also wish you healing .It takes time to even comprehend our losses. Just know I am thinking of you and you are not alone .xxxkay

May 17, 2011
Me Too....
by: TrishJ

How I love New Jersey. My husband was from Jersey. Every year we packed our children in the car and headed your way. We loved SeaSide Heights, Atlantic City, swimming in the ocean, Jersey tomatoes and white corn. I miss my husband and I miss those trips to Jersey. My husband would hit the shore and immediately buy two dozen clams and a clam knife. He sat and ate all two dozen while I and my children gagged the entire time. He would say, "You guys just don't know good eating."
I'm having a bad week. Just when I think I'm making some good progress everything seems to go haywire. Things happen (life does go on) and everything seems to be intensified because he isn't here. We used to face everything together. We were a team.
If it helps......we are all here for you. We're all in this together. Nobody knows the depths of the pain but we are experiencing it.
I hope you find a little bit of good in your day. Everyone tells me it gets better. I'm still waiting for acceptable. Better seems like something that is far away from now.
Peace and Hugs to you.

May 17, 2011
bad day
by: JG

Mary, the answer to your questions is yes, in time. It's been 8 months for me. Most days are okay but I'm feeling sad again today. Maybe it's the rainy cloudy day. It's certainly a challenge to transition from being a twosome to a one and to find out who you are all over again. I wonder if my heart will ever heal. Life changed so differently from 36 years ago when we met. There are hardly any places left that we used to go to and dance. We became older and to my surprise times and places have changed. It makes for a lonely start until I can find new places to go to make friends . We became one and didn't have close friends after a while then when he was sick it was just us two.

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