by Clarissa

I was in a long distance relationship for two and a half years. He lives in Tampa, Florida and I live in Toronto, Canada. We knew each other when we were teenagers because we lived next door to each other for a while. I was not interested in having a boyfriend and never knew he was attracted to me. He moved to another country and then decades later in 2012 he contacted me after he got my phone number from my cousin who knew of his attraction to me when we were young. I had been married and was now widowed and he was divorced. From the moment he contacted me he flattered me with the loveliest words telling me how much he loved me and was so grateful that we had found each other after so many years. He would call and text everyday. Sent me photographs of himself asked me to send photographs of myself. I felt so lucky that I had found this awesome man to be my soul mate because it seemed like fate that we connected after so many years. I was flattered and fell so much in love with this man who loved me so much. This man seemed so ideal after the loss of my husband. He goes to church, he does not smoke, gamble or drink alcohol.
Long story short after a few months I began to see some red flags. I had no presence on social media so did not realise he was on facebook and twitter contacting women, some young enough to be his grandchildren. He visited me in Toronto and I visited him in Tampa for the two and a half years the relationship lasted. While he was here I took him to my workplace, introduced him to my friends wherever we went and re-introduced him to my relatives who had not seen him in decades. When I went to visit him I was never introduced to any of his friends. Imagine at the time I did not take notice of this!!
When I did decide to go on facebook one day while visiting my sister I saw these conversations with women on his facebook page. He convinced me that they were just friends from his childhood. He even claimed some of them were his relatives. Over time the texting was not as often the phone calls were shorter. He had so much paperwork to do as a school bus driver (his excuse) that our time chatting on Skype became shorter and shorter. Two weeks ago when I asked him about messages he had sent to a woman he accused me of snooping on his facebook and without any warning blocked me from his phone. I was in shock! Could not believe that after two and a half years this was the end.
The red flags had been there and I ignored them. He had no relationship with his three children. He did not know anything about any grandchildren. He is addicted to contacting women of any age on social media claiming that they mean nothing a he had no intention of meeting with them. He did attempt to meet up with a woman when he visited me in December. The woman contacted me and I choose to believe him in spite of the evidence the woman presented about conversations he had with her on facebook. He claimed it was all a mistake. He was lying! When I asked about the latest inappropriate messages to women on social media he decided to end it and I decided enough is enough and have not contacted him since it would be the same disrespect all over again.
I am now grieving the end of this relationship so much that I could not sleep tonight. This is affecting my physical health. I am a healthy woman but now suffering from headaches and afraid to go to my doctor scared that it might be more than I can deal with.
I keep asking myself "why" "what could I have done differently?" "Why did this man have to come into my life and turn it upside down?" "Why could I not just ignore those heady early feelings? I am not a teenager or a 20 something year old!" "Why would a man who claims to be so religious do something like this to me?" I am up at this time of the morning 3:40 writing when I should be sleeping to wake up to go to work in a few hours from now. I hope that by writing my story here I can begin to heal, maybe get some sleep before I have to be awake again at 6:00 (more like a nap.)
This has also affected my two children even though they have not said anything to me. They hear me crying. They must surely notice there are no more Skype conversations. They have been very gentle and solicitous of my feelings I guess trying to offer me comfort in their own way.
Wow! I really needed to do this. . Thank you!! I think this will help me in my grief!! I just realized that in spite of all the words of love the man was stingy and never even bought me a flower as much as I love flowers!!


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Sep 25, 2014
He lied to me from beginning to end!!
by: Doreen UK

Clarissa I know you are lonely and being a widow is so difficult that you naturally hung your heart on a man who gave you no doubt that anything was wrong till it unraveled what was going on.
YOU HAVE HAD A LUCKY ESCAPE. We live in a turbulent changing world and social media networks are what people are getting in to, but can be so revealing. This is the upside of Facebook. You learned something that saved you from being exploited by this man.
Just don't contact him again if he decides to get in touch. You are mature enough to know and decide that no man will make a fool of you again. You cry that man out of your system. Pick yourself up and start all over again. You will be able to engage in another relationship when the time is right and the healing has started. Being a widow is lonely. I lost my husband to cancer 2yrs. ago. Married 44yrs. Too late to complicate my life with another man. No man could ever take the place of my husband. I would only settle for companionship since there is so much that can complicate one's life and you don't need this in widowhood. You would have thought because this man went to Church he would have had Integrity, and good morals. Which would make it easier for you to trust him and not have any suspicions. Make your life better each day and you will recover from both griefs. You will then be able to see clearly how to move forward.

Sep 24, 2014
by: Anonymous

I believe you fell as any other would do under the circumstance of being widowed. WE women need to listen to that voice in our heads to save us from a lot of heartache. You saw the red flags but just did not want to believe someone could be so darn conniving. You have learned a lesson and some folks come inot our lives to give us the lesson. He is a narcissist and sociopath. He has no empathy in him for anyone. He's there for the thrill of the chase and he is not christian by any means. They have the ability to know exactly what you want to hear in order for him to get what he wants. Please stop crying over Nothing. Yes, you're a bit embarrassed that you didn't heed your own warnings. Yes, you believed him. but he is not worth your tears. It's a bit over the fact that you were vulnerable and needed the attention . It's a rotten shame and I'm sorry you were deceived . Please don't let your children see you crying over a POS.

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