He still has all of me

My husband of 23 yrs...Oscar died over 2 yrs ago from Pancreatic Cancer. There were so many things left undone, today I'm angry!!!! So angry that he gave time to everything and everyone, he never liked to say no to others; with me it was always "we have plenty of time for that".

I loved him he loved me and the final days of his life proved that love. But why did I always have to be the one to wait, the one to understand, the one to put her life aside, I get thru each day because I have no choice, but I don't know how to get past this...I don't even know who I am without him...no one should ever be allowed to love this much or too hurt this much.

I'm drowning in pain and those closest to me don't even seem to see it and others just seem to ignore it...not because they don't care but life has moved on for them....but my world stopped spinning!!! I must sound like an idiot but I just needed to put this down...maybe the shouting inside my head will quiet for awhile.

Comments for He still has all of me

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Jan 05, 2011
People Just Don't Get It
by: PatJ

My husband just passed away on December 3, 2010. I'm still in a very dark and lonely place. The calls from the well meaning friends (my support team) stopped right before Christmas. Everyone came to the funeral, said all the right things, offered to help, but the calls have stopped. I want to recommend to you recover-from-grief.com ~

I have met several very cool ladies that I am emailing on a daily basis. I look forward to their emails every day. Nobody understands the pain until they have experienced it themselves. I think people tend to stay away from a person grieving because it causes them to have to face the fact that it could happen to them. They just don't want to deal with it. It's too bad ~ these so called friends. They're there for you as long as it's comfortable ~ then they're gone.

I hope to learn from my experience that I can be supportive when the time comes that one of my friends loses her husband. My only friend that is supportive of me is there for me because she has experienced tragic death in her life with the loss of a brother and sister at young ages.

I think you need to surround yourself with caring people. I'm joining a support group tomorrow night. I find great comfort is talking to others who are experiencing the same thing. This web site is great. Write your feelings and thoughts as often as you need to. You will find wonderful people here. Wishing you peace.

Jan 05, 2011
Work in progress

If we Loved them for X amount of years it would seem that it would take THAT long to "get over it/them" as people like to say. Or the one that was a stifle Edith was "well... life goes on." How does one respond to that? My brother that I love very much told me that. I have a bat in the corner and I was eye balling it. But since beating the crap out of a close relation would not solve their stupidity. I just shut up and try not to bring it up. Unless I am here.

This is a safe place where you can express your feelings and also try to help people with theirs. It is reciprocal and helps us heal.
Don't ask how long, it is work in progress always.

Jan 05, 2011
he still has all of me
by: Donna

My husband, my soulmate, my everything of 26 yrs Bryan died of pancreatic cancer July 23, 2010. I know exactly how you feel. He was always there for everyone, our stuff also got put on hold. I have soooo much that I need to do but I don't know where to start. I don't know how to do most of the stuff that needs to be done so I guess I will have to hire someone. We NEVER hired anyone for anything Bryan could do anything and everything.

I have a 22 ft. long ditch in front of my daughters wood ramp, it is going to be a rose bed. We started digging it and then he started not having the energy to go out and work on it, so my daughters boyfriend finally finished it up. We should have known that something was wrong. Bryan never started a project and then didn't finish it. We just thought that it was because he had been working so much. Being a dept. manager he would do things that others would not, including other dept. managers, he felt it was the right thing to do.

That took a lot of time away from our (my) needs. But I know he loves me with all of his being as I love him with all of my being. That is something that I am so blessed to have had in our lives, we told each other every day, several times a day how much we love each other.

Like you I don't know who I am or how I will survive this unfair thing called life. Please continue to come to this site if not to post, to just read other peoples experiences helps more than you can realize. Everyone here knows how you feel and what your going through, so when no one else seems to care come here please, it is a life saver. one step one breath

Jan 04, 2011
he still has all of me
by: jules

Your pain is horrific I know, and it is hard to go on with your life without your love.

My husband died 13 months ago, and I miss him every day - but through this site I have become a much stronger person, more able to cope, by knowing that I can come here at any time, say what I need to say, vent anger or disappointment, and the wonderful people on here will understand.

Our friends and family have moved past the loss, but it didn't happen to them in the same way, this is why they can't seem to understand how we are feeling.

My advice to you is use this site as your sounding board, you will find you are offering help to others on here, which is also a healing for yourself. This is what I have found anyway - I hope it works for you.

Every day - one step, one breath..............

take care

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