He took me on an 11 year Test Drive and he decided not to buy because he heard some rattles and squeeks??

by DeeDee

Hi, I was with a man for 11 years, he didnt want to get married again due to 2 failed marriages, and I loved him enough to stay with him. He was a surrogate father to my daughter, who adored him. Last year he began acting aloof and distant, and when I confronted him he said he needed a break, and had been on a couple of "dates that werent going anywhere" I got upset, when was he going to tell me...(really?) so told him to take his break and shove it. After a month with no contact, I reached out to him and he said he wanted to be alone and 'reflect". I left him alone for a couple more months, then reached out again. He said he still needed to be alone and take care of himself. Finally I begged him to meet me and tell me (after 11 years together) what was going on. He said *OK, but just dont make a scene* Ouch! We met at starbucks 3 months after the initial breakup and no closure, and he looked at me and said "I dont have the same feeling for you anymore" I asked him how long he had been cheating, and he denied it saying he needed to be alone. That was it!! That was it?? I was supposed to walk away and pick up the pieces without another word?? No conversation about anything!! He stood up and walked away, trampling on my heart on the way out.
Oh I did all the wrong things, begged, pleaded, another chance...all the mistakes. To no avail, he was cold. A year later, I am doing better, but the memories, all of them, of our life together...I dont want to start over at my age!!
I have tried dating, but just get disappointed. He is 63 years old!! Why does HE want to start over? He has no children, no pets, and now he wants to start over with another woman, her children?? And then what? He gets to walk away again after he "No longer feels the same way?"
I am devastated, getting therapy for abandonment issues, and wonder if I will ever enjoy life again. My daughter has gone on to Post Grad school, and I am now alone, at 58.

No he didnt break my heart, he just ripped it out of my chest without a backward glance. No responsibilities. No feelings, no nothing.

Dee Dee

Comments for He took me on an 11 year Test Drive and he decided not to buy because he heard some rattles and squeeks??

Click here to add your own comments

Oct 26, 2011
Devastated and hurt
by: Pamela

Hello all, I am so glad that I found this website, I have been hurting and desperate to talk to someone for a year. My boyfriend of 10 years proposed to be Nov, 2010, Dec 2010, I moved in with him, I have one child and he has two from a previous marriage that lives with him. After three months since I did not let his kids & Sibling run over me, he decided that we were not getting married this year as expected. I love this man with all my hurt, I am 43 years old and he is 41, He has a lot going on for him career wise but he does not give me the love, support or attention I desire, he does not even care if I move out, but the bad thing is I do care. We both have been married before, I need help to carry on because I am moving out in January but I am so hurt I cannot function.

Oct 23, 2011
Feeling your pain
by: Jen

I am going through the same thing, I am 49, 5 years older than her. It was almost a year, and I was so much in love with her, thinking she was finally the one I' d waited my whole life for. She talked the talk and made me think she felt the same way, until 10 months in she started saying she was feeling smothered and needed space. I was crushed, I was fully emotionally invested, having given her all of me. When she then decided to break up with me, I was devastated and she turned so cold, like someone I didn't even recognize. It's been 7 weeks and I still can't get her out of my head, no matter what I do, how much I pray, or how often I go out with friends and try to have fun. I'm on antidepressants and seeing a therapist. I am still waking up in the middle of the night bawling my eyes out. I have lost 25 pounds. I feel so abandoned and unwanted.

Oct 05, 2011
Thank you all!
by: DeeDee

I so appreciate all the positive comments, thank you all for uplifting my soul. There isnt a day, minute or hour that I dont think of him. I run the gamut of missing him, and then enjoying my aloneness, hoping he has been dumped by whoever came next, and wanting him to find me.
Bitter? yes, praying to God to give me peace and the ability to forgive him.
I went to Italy with my daughter and although it was the most wonderful holiday, I couldnt help wishing he was there to see it with me.
Its been over a year since that fateful day!
Soon....soon..please God let me stop thinking of him.
Thanks again to all who responded. I have tears in my eyes from your kindnesses. You have given me strength in the knowledge I am not alone.

Oct 01, 2011
Your test drive was down a dead end road Dear DeeDee
by: Sue

Hi Dee Dee,
You sound like a really lovely lady and this creep did not deserve you. 63 and no baggage??? that should have told you he was not a keeper! I know it doesn't seem so at the moment but you are honestly better off without him. Someone will come along who will be worthy of your love and devotion. Don't settle for second-best again!
Lotsa love
Sue xxx

Sep 29, 2011
His loss
by: Cally

The story you tell is familiar. I read it and think about him: his state of mind. I bet it wouldnt be a far reach if i assumed that he has abandonment issues himself as well as social ones. If he is 63 and has never been married or has never had any children then he probably doesnt because he is afraid of getting hurt. He probably bottles everything up because of something to do with his childhood. He sounds like my first husband. He is now 54 and utterly alone. He likes it that way because he is the only person he can deal with being around and he even has a hard time at that. I'll bet he is secretly grieving your break up and I'll bet he thinks of you everyday. But that is his problem to deal with.. not yours. Enjoy your freedom.. who ever said you had to have a partner anyway? I am done with love in this life and i am content. I have my family and friends and I can travel. Hey there is an idea try a trip to Europe...

Sep 29, 2011
You Decide Not to Sell
by: Judith in California

DeeDee, You're better off without a man who will just up and leave like that. And, would you really want a man who can do that? If he doesn't feel it anymore then it's best he leave instead of sticking around faking it.

You're going to be alright. The sad thing is is that your daughter bonded with him and she had to learn the awful truth about some men.

He is 64 and deserves to end up old and alone. I hope you don't take him back if one day he shows up at your door. I pray God gives you strength to love yourself more.

You now get to decide not to sell yourself so cheap to another guy.

It's better to be alone than be in a relationship feeling lonely and longing for affection that someone will not give you..

Sep 29, 2011
Free at last
by: M Mack

You are finally free to do the right thing, love yourself. This guy couldn't love you the way he should after 11 years. He actually did you a favor! After all that time, it's easy to get muddled, clouded into thinking it's right to be together. Well true love stands the test if time. Its strong, no questions asked and you never doubt. I never thought there was such a thing as soulmates..........but there is. We knew we were meant to be together and now that he's gone the bond of our love is still there and I'll wait to see him in eternity. You will get through this and know you are better off without him.

Sep 29, 2011
The self esteen plumet

I am soooo very glad that you got away from that mess you thought was Love. I know that you heart is broken now and you are trying to mend. Read on sister and find out what Real Love Is. I attended my 2nd grief meeting although it has been almost 2 years without My Love. I got to hear other speak of their great loves and it brought a bitter sweet smile to their faces. We laughed telling stories though they are no more. I hope that you cry one day over Real Love lost.

You Loved him and he didn't love you back as you deserve. Keep this in mind that what you lost was not worth having. Until then come here and come often and read of what real Love was. He is a skunk a scoundrel and does not deserve your kindness or love. I hate to be so....? mean and upfront but you need to open your eyes you have not lost you have gained a new life. The one that you deserve!

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Relationship.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!