He Wanted To Come Home

by Laura Parsons
(Yuma Arizona)

Matt was almost 37 when he was hit by a car. He had been on the streets for the last three years. He had a drug problem and had left behind his family, including three beautiful boys. But when he left, he promised me he would stay in touch and he did. For those three years he would call every few months. Some times the calls were good sometimes not so good, depending on his drug use. But the last few phone calls he was doing better. He had said he had kicked the drugs but was still drinking.

He called me a week before he was killed. He was working and doing better. He talked about coming home for a visit. I was leery because of all the problems we had before he left due to the drug use. He said he would call in a week to let me know how the job was going. I never heard from him again; instead I got a call from the police about his death. He died January 31, 2009.

It has been over a year, a very difficult year. The pain has lessen but there are times the sadness just comes over me and I just don't have a desire to do anything. I just go through the motions of what needs to be done, but I have lost any pleasure in what I do.

I have my 87 year old mother living with me, and our relationship has never been close but I had to bring her in my home because of her declining mental health. I just want to be alone and just be. I don't know if it is good to want this but it is the only thing I want anymore.

I am just so sad, and now his birthday is coming and I will never hear his voice again. It just makes my heart hurt. How does one ever get past the emptiness.