he was my everything

by amy
(wales)

my father passed dec 14th last year 2011 although we cant be exact on the dates as he was lay there a few days,even saying that brings back the gut wrenching feelings....
my father was just 56yrs old when he according to the coroner had a fall in his flat which caused his rib to break and puncture his kidney causing internal bleeding.
i cant begin to tell you how much pain this has caused me, my brothers and sister,it was me who had to call someone to break down his front door and find him this way.
my dad struggled his whole life with depression as a child to his death he battled with alcohol issues his main weakness,and 2 yrs before he died had a series of mini strokes caused by the drink and smoking but he came out of it fighting and quit drink and cigarettes for good ive never seen him look so healthy in those 2yrs before his tragic loss of life, my dad was the best and in my eyes he wasnt a typical drunk,it was the depression that caused so much unhappiness within him......
i miss him terribly and his sense of humor was amazing he was an will always be the funniest man i will have ever known.
to hug him tightly and say i was so proud of him is all i want to do,,,,
i never will be able to hear his laughter or see his beautiful smiling face again ,
ive battled with depression ever since he left us and the flash backs kill me over an over again,the questions go over in my head everyday,
what were his last moments like ??
was he in alot of pain??
was he calling out to us for help??
it hurts so much to know he died totally alone.

Comments for he was my everything

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Sep 29, 2012
He was my everything
by: Doreen U.K.

Amy this is the saddest part of living. Trying to help our parents and look out for them. Sadly too many people who live alone are suspect to falling down and no one notices this. Sadly lacking today is good support for those approaching later life from our declining medical services. Everyone should have good care but this is down to funding. My husband died in pain from cancer due to lack of funding. He wasn't given the proper pain medication. I called the emergency services and the doctor on call was outraged. He sent a fax to our G.P. and told him as much to get his fingers out and do something for this man. They did put a plan in operation but all too late. I am haunted by these memories of my husband in pain and me trying to lift him up. Amy this is the painfull part of someone dying alone. WHAT WAS IT LIKE FOR HIM? this is a natural part of grief. Your father is at peace now and cannot feel anything. It is us who are alive who have this to deal with.
Sadly depression is hard to live with. Many people drink thinking this will ease the pain but it doesn't. If a person is from the old school they won't see the benefits of counselling. They think it is too late for them. If anyone is suffering depression. Get Help soon. I paid a lot of money over several years for counselling. It was the best investment I made. don't put up with ongoing depression Amy. Don't just accept medication either as some have side effects that cause suicidal feelings. This is what happened to my nephew and he killed himself. Get counselling. Find the right counsellor. You will come through your grief and depression. It is a painfull journey but it won't be forever. If you do nothing it will get worse and be forever and take longer to recover.

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