by Amanda
(Lever )

My bf and I have been together for almost 3 years. We have always had a great relationship and he always said how lucky he was to have me. Everyone was jealous of our relationship and said we were gonna get married. We hung out 3-4 days a week and we both were fine with that. So I thought. I work the night shift 2-10 and he worked til 11 sometimes later. Recently we have been discussing our future together and we were even talking about buying a house. He got a 2nd job within the past month to save up for our future and said he wanted to give me all his checks to save for us. He lived about 40 mins away from me and sometimes we wouldn't hang out because of that. But that only made him want to live with me more. He would say I can't wait til we live together and that he missed me all of the time. Then he got the opportunity to live with his friends and be closer to me and took that. He asked me to move in with them as well. The day after he asked me to move in with them he stayed the night at my house kissed me said I love you and went to work. Later that night I texted him and asked if he wanted to hang out. He replied maybe and I said if you don't want to you don't have to. Then he says that he kinda wants to talk tonight . so then I immeditaley ask if I should be worried and he replies eh. So I got mad and said he can't just say eh. I asked what it was about and he said us. Then I said are you breaking up with me? And he said well that's why I wanted to talk. I then asked again and he said yes I can't be with you anymore idk. I freaked and said why would you do this to me after 3 years and ask me to move in with you the day before. He said I just want to be alone for a while and says he's sorry. I told him I need a better answer than that then he says it's been getting kinda boring lately and he didn't want to feel trapped. I had no idea where this was coming from. I asked if we could talk in person and he said yes. I met him at his work and he seemed off. He wouldn't make eye contact and kept saying idk to everything I was asking. I asked if he still loved me and he said yes but... I need to be single. I walked away crying. I got a text from him after saying i don't know what to say except I'm sorry. I asked if he just wanted to see other girls and party and he said no babe I swear it's not that and I wish I had a better answer .He kept saying he was sorry and he needs to do this for himself and he never meant to hurt me. I asked if he was still in love with me and he said idk babe. He then said he wasn't happy with the person he is and he needs to figure out how to be. I begged him to try to make it work and he kept saying I need to do this for me, I'm sorry. I told him that I would wait for him no matter what cuz he's the only one I want to be with. He said I just need some time. I was devastated and still am. it's been a week since and idk what to think. I have texted him once telling him that I left his dresser and clothes on my porch whenever he wants to get it and he said ok. Then a few days later I told him I hope he's doing ok and I will always love him and I got no answer. I am in contact with his brothers gf and she told me that he got so wasted a few days after the break up and passed out in the front yard and his brother helped him inside. Which is unlike him. She told me that everyone is shocked by this and he didn't tell anyone anything. Not even his family. This literally came out of no where. I'm so hurt and confused and idk if I should wait or move on.

Comments for Heartbroken

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Oct 09, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Amanda something has changed in your relationship that is causing you so much hurt. It is all about HIM and not YOU. He has the problem. You have no choice to give him the space he needs to find out what he wants from a relationship. He made you secure in the relationship and then his insecurity has affected you. He has DOUBTS. You don't. You cannot force anyone to be with you if they don't want to, so you have to take many steps back from this relationship. IT IS NOT WORKING MUTUALLY for both of you.
Of course you have to move on with your life. You can't put your life on hold whilst he makes up his mind what he wants. More than likely he wants to try out other relationships which he is testing against what he has with you. Often some men can listen to other's and what they are doing and will want some of what they have and so this is the start of a relationship that is moving into another dimension to nurture your boyfriends needs/desires.
If you wait till he is ready you are putting your life on hold for him, and denying yourself any sort of life which you need also for your own nurturing and well being. You could also get some counselling for yourself to help you move forward from this hurt and help you to heal. You will also have the space for you to explore what is going on in that relationship and what you want for yourself. This support for yourself will help you to develop your self esteem and have a relationship that makes you happy and mutually works for both of you. It is very painful when a relationship is one sided and only one person is working at it.
My son has a wife who bought a house and says it is her house despite them being married 3yrs. She is helping her EX to settle into a house she has bought and rented out to her EX. My son resents having him as a 3rd person in the marriage. When he objected his wife threw my son out of her house 5 times, and her car when he spoke and said he didn't want to go out for a meal as he was tired after a hard days work. The Ex wanted to go out for a meal. He doesn't work. My son's wife told my son not to be rude to her EX. Much has happened where my son feels like the outsider. His wife wants $1400 out of my son's salary so he can pay all the house bills and she pays the mortgage on her house. She wants to borrow more money to do the house up and asks my son to subsidise this Extra. She won't put her house in his name and pay 50 50 down the line EQUALLY. My son feels used and abuse by his wife's controlling everything. He moved out last week and she came looking for him and they talked. Nothing has changed. She needs him for his money more. My son has finally GROWN UP. Had enough. Arranged Marriage counselling. If his wife does not go to counselling, or does not change from counselling for them to be equal in this marriage. HE IS LEAVING. He has reached the end when nothing is moving forward. He has to do the right thing for his own emotional well being. I feel sad they may not be able to work it out. But it takes 2 and MATURITY to make any relationship work where everyone's needs are met. I wish you well with whatever you do to help yourself move forward from a broken heart.

Oct 08, 2014
I'm so sorry
by: Anonymous

That your bf is that unsure of his own feelings. I never understood how people can't even "get" themselves. I would hate to be someone like that-I'd feel so weak. I already have enough times to feel unsure of myself--decisions for my kids, I have Multiple Sclerosis & can't do much by myself, etc.,etc.
So why or how could
I take on more than that?? I flat out don't want to.
I could divorce my husband & say there were just some things I wanted to think about. But where would that get me?? My husband is my caretaker, I'm sure he needs time off more than me.

Once again,
I'm sorry but maybe after some time apart, he'll rethink his decision.

Oct 08, 2014
Yes, but move on
by: Judith in California

Dear Amanda, when a guy says he wants space then give it to him and don't call him or insist on seeing him. You'll seem needy and appear to have a lack of self respect and no guy likes those traits in a girl. If you let him back into your life he will do this again. You both are young and have a lot to experience before you make a final commitment to someone. His behavior speaks volumes about him as a person. You want to end up with a person of character and who doesn't play childish games.
If truth be known he probably saw another girl and liked it and hasn't the honesty to tell you.

Please move on and learn about yourself and what it is you truly need as a person. You'll change your views several times as you mature. Set your standards high and do not let them down for anyone. You become a woman of character and treat yourself with respect and let no man treat you otherwise.

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