Hearts of Love

by Patti de Avanzar
(Alamosa, Colorado)

It just isn't fair... I lost my baby sister, my best friend, my partner in the horses and barn... I'm am at a loss... deeply. She "came home" to us 3 years ago this fall after her search in her own life. Perhaps not her best decisions up until then but my brother and I intervened and she came home. Her last three years were very happy and I somehow feel she "knew" her time was drawing near. She battled health issues and in April, was diagnosed with cancer, a tumor of rarity involving her ovaries. Surgery was performed the first of May, no other signs of cancer in the surrounding tissue. "Preventative chemo" was ordered. She went through week one of the most intense treatment they do... was very sick. She told me several times the chemo would kill her. I listened, held her hand and kept cool clothes on her forehead as she vomited... told her "then don't go back". I don't know why she chose to do week 2.... after the second week of treatment she wound up in the hospital. After a battle of almost 4 weeks, her kidneys shut down, liver... brain function and the family took her off life support. Why, Jesus, would you put that on a family???? I actually prayed that He would quietly just take her. But He didn't... why? We took her off life support on Monday August 6th, 2012 and she passed on August 8th, 2012... we stayed with her when they moved her from ICU to hospice... I think it was her way of staying with the family, listening to the stories, I know in my heart even though we lost her two weeks prior in brain function and communication that she and I communicated through her breathing...
The pain and loss is deep... I did have some time alone with her in the final hours, asked her forgiveness for the things I did as we were growing up... my mom is deeply grieving, I shared this website and hope that she ventures inside. A parent should never bury a child and losing a sister.... I can not express the deepness of my sorrow, sadness and feelings.
She had an incredible faith and believe in Jesus. I was the leader growing up, she is now my leader and I want to know and learn more about Jesus and the place my sister now lives, Heaven. As I said at her memorial service, she always rode a good horse and when my days on earth are through, she will meet me at Heaven's Gates with a wonderful horse and we will ride off together...
Until then, I need to find peace, forgiveness... and understanding...

Comments for Hearts of Love

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Nov 03, 2012
Nobody knows your pain until they've lived it.
by: Dana Bernhardt

Those who want to comfort mean well but they have no idea what you're going through unless they gone through it themselves. At least that's been my experience.
I lost Wayne a week before Christmas in Afghanistan. A lot of time has flown by since then but emotionally I'm still sitting on the edge of my bed, phone in hand, in shock, wondering what I'm supposed to do now. I still cry as if it was this morning I got "the call".
I hope you both can get through your grieving. I don't know how to do it myself. It's still fresh and raw.

Aug 26, 2012
Hearts of Love
by: Doreen U.K.

Patti I am sorry for your loss of your baby sister. Who knows why she left this earth so quickly and deteriorated? Only God knows. I prayed for healing for my husband Steve who died 4 months ago of MESOTHELIOMA (lung cancer caused by working with asbestos, incurable, inoperable and aggressive. Steve lasted 3yrs.39days with an aggressive cancer. This alone is a miracle. I did not get the miracle of healing we all prayed for. The whole of America and all over the world prayed for Steve on the God channel. But total healing was not to be. I was angry with God for a while and still am at times of grief. But God understands this anger. You may not understand why your sister suffered so and what was the purpose. If you know God you will know that we all suffer trials and tribulations in this life and some are so severe we wonder why? But trials and tribulations shape us for the world to come. We just lost a dear lady who was 95yrs. and developed cancer in her mouth and went through a lot of pain and suffering and she asked God Why? Why have cancer at this stage of her life? She died a few days ago. She is at peace now. I asked God why he would let my husband Steve die slowly a painful death whilst I had to see this daily. But God spoke to Steve in his suffering I am sure of this. It does take a while to get to this place. Because you said your sister knew Jesus. This is your HOPE. You will see her again when Jesus comes back for us like He promised. Keep HOPE alive in your heart and this will sustain you in the days ahead. Grief is painfull and your mother will grieve the most for losing a daughter. I hope that you all can support each other at this difficult time. Reach out to the church and even a counsellor if you need this as this will be very supportive. Steve was very ill througout his cancer with sickness and could not get up at all. he was sure the chemo would kill him. I read on the internet that the chemo Steve had was one of the worst and no one should have this. CARBOPLATIN. CISPLATIN.
ALIMTA. And also Radiotherapy to shrink the tumor. One just takes what is available if you can't afford private treatment. We put our lives in the hands of the Oncologists and hope they know what they are doing. Steve may have died sooner or not died at all. Who knows? Just like the same in Healing. Why does God heal some people and not others? Some get a miracle. Some don't. I am left with a VOID in my heart and a sadness I will carry FOREVER. A GREAT LOSS.

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