Help me understand...

Why did God have to take away the one person that made me happy.

Cody was my everything, He passed away one month ago and the pain is stronger then ever.

I am 9 months pregnant with his little boy - Cody was so excited to be a father, he was so excited to teach his son how to do all the things he liked.

Cody was full of life, 21 years old, great job we bought our first house last year we got married last year in April 2011- We were high school sweet hearts.

I love Cody so much he was my everything, my bestfriend.

Cody Completed me, he was my soulmate. Everyone else might feel the same way about their partner but cody and I were truly meant to be. I thought we would grow old together, I thought we would do it all together. We are young and full of energy but life had other plans.

I am alone now, Pregnant. WHY DID GOD TAKE HIM? why didnt god watch over Cody that night???

Cody was shot and killed by police officers, everything is under investigagtion- Cody was not in the wrong. There will be justice for him.

I dont know how to cope with this pain, I feel like im dying inside! Cody left in the middle of the night while I was sleeping , WHY DIDNT I WAKE UP? WHY DIDNT GOD WARN ME THAT SOMETHING WAS WRONG?? I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM, I COULD HAVE MADE SURE CODY NEVER WALKED OUT THE DOOR.

Cody had so much to live for. 21 years old and he is dead, he didnt get to live a life at all. WE WERE SO HAPPY AND EXCITED TO BE PARENTS WE HAD IT ALL AND NOW IT ALL GONE.

MY happiness has disappeared, Im scared to not be a good mother to my baby boy, Im scared to only be able to give him half of myself. He deserves so much better but I am broken I am nothing.

I dont know how to be just STEFFY when it was always STEFFY AND CODY we were always together
Waking up to an empty bed is killing me.

I miss you Cody, I Miss the smell of your skin, I miss your beautiful smile and how it could make every moment better. I miss all of our jokes. All the trips we would take. I miss the way you feel, I miss kissing you and holding you. I can not bear this much longer.

Why did god do this? Why to someone who has everything to live for? Why did he do this to me? How am i suppose to raise my son? How am I suppose to live without Cody ?????

Comments for Help me understand...

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Feb 23, 2012
Life is too short
by: Debbie

I got married at 30 years of age for the 1st time to my soulmate & after 14 years he went to sleep & his medicine stopped his brain from breathing. He went to sleep & lost brain waves from not breathing. We have a 7 year old & a 10 year old. It will be a year tomorrow & I still cry most days but joy does come again. The first year and all the first are hard & you will feel bad but this too shall pass & joy will come. It is an emotional roller coaster & the guilt part of it all comes from the devil, so when you start thinking about should of, would of, could ofs, say & repeat "Delete" & it will make you quit thinking about it cuz it doesnt help. I still wish I would have woke him up after working so hard that day. If only I would have. But you cant go back & change anything, you just have to go forward & dont look back. The Lord has a better plan for you & your baby, just believe that. The Lord is still in controll, we are not. You have to grieve & it sucks but it does get better. Time heals all wounds. Just cry when you need to that will release the pressures & when you can stay busy. Think positive & know that we are going to get thru this together. You are not alone. my e-mail is dc37duncan@aol.com if you want to talk. I am so sorry for your loss & so sorry you have to go through this. I am a mortician for 27 years & I still dont know how people survive the grieving. We just have to do it together.

Feb 19, 2012
I am so sorry
by: Nicole Anastasio

I know nothing anyone can say will help the pain. I too am suffering with the death of my soulmate. He was also 21. I think the same things that you think about like how they didn't get to live, or that they won't get to experience parenthood. I am not pregnant and we didn't have kids, so I am sure you have many thoughts about that beyond what I have thought about it. When Tim (my fiance) died, I wished so badly that I was pregnant so that I could have a little piece of him still. It will be hard but I think your husband will still be a father. I am sure you will raise your son to know that his father was amazing, so your husband will be looked up to and admired by your son even if he isn't physically there. I don't even know if that thought will help you but I hope it does.

Feb 19, 2012
Thank you everyone
by: Steffy

I am just so scared of the future. I dont know if I can raise my baby with out Cody.

Cody was such a great person, Everyone loved him so much and he was so good to me.

I was so in love with him so happy to have him as a part of my life and now he is gone, I dont know how to feel happiness.

I want to love this baby I want to be everything for this baby but Im scared I will not be able too.
I am full of anger for the people that killed Cody and full of anger that Cody left on a walk that night when I asked him to come to bed with me.

I wish god would hear my prayers and answer all of my questions. I wish Cody could tell me his last thoughts. I know he was not ready to die, he was only 21 and so happy with the begining of his life/

Everything is gone, He was shot 3 times, one was a fatal shot, he bled out. was dead with in 2 minutes and blacked out with in 10 seconds.

Why didnt god warn me that cody was only down the street that he needed me

I can not take this anymore, I want to just disappear I want to become nothing, but I have a baby that is going to be here any day now and im horrified to not be everything he needs.

How can I be everything he needs? I Have lost the man I love My cody, My baby my heart, he was everything, absolutley everything.

Feb 19, 2012
Words
by: Anonymous

HI Sweetheart, words can't fix this..I don't know the answers but know from the other side of the world someone is holding you tight.

Love Nanny Char
Brisbane Australia xxxx

Feb 19, 2012
Gxxammit!!!
by: Anonymous

My wife Nancy just died two days ago. We were also high school sweethearts and she is my everything. She's been sick for a while now so I've always planned to just off myself once she died. The only problem with that is she just gave birth to our son Logan, so now I have to stick around. Logan already missed out on the best uncle ever, my little brother Shant who died in '06 but now he's not even gonna have a fxxxing mommy. My email is dap760@aol.com, I don't like talking to people but email me if you want because I have to try and do something for Logan's sake.

Feb 19, 2012
Cody will be with you always
by: Anonymous

Honey, I am so sorry for your loss. When we lose the one we love so much so unexpectedly there is no understanding why these things happen. There are just lots of questions but it seems like no answers.
One month on this terrible road is such a short time. Then on top of the normal pain that comes with losing the one you love the most, you have the normal anxiety that comes with being ready to give birth to your first child. You have more going on in your life right now than anyone should have to deal with. Please don't be hard on yourself, take this journey slowly and take care of yourself physically to be strong for your baby. Take any help that people offer to you.

When you hold your baby just remember that he is part of Cody that you are able to physically touch and feel. You will feel Cody's love through your baby.

Please know that this site is full of people that understand your pain of losing your dear Cody. We can help so please share your feelings with us.
God bless you and your baby.
xoxo

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