Her Perfect Ending

by Molly

My mother passed away just one month ago. If she could have planned it, I think it happened exactly how she would have wanted it to be. Her immediate family just happened to be on vacation together at that time. We rented a beautiful home at the beach where she could watch the grandchildren play on the beach from the balcony. We had several wonderful days together of playing in the pool, shopping and cooking dinners for one another. She was so happy she was planning for the next summer family vacation.

That morning, I went outside on the balcony to feed my 3 month old. I had such a relaxing visit with my mom. It was peaceful and I longed for more talks with her like this. That day I shared with my sister-in-law that this vacation was going so good - everyone was having a good time and not getting on each other'+s nerves. She said to give it some time and see how I felt by the end of the week. The last time I spoke to my mother was while admiring a giant kite flying next to the house. It was a brief seemingly unimportant chat. The last time I saw her alive I was rocking my baby on the porch while she swam in the pool below. She asked me a question and I nodded my head - I can't even remember the question now. I took a nap and never saw her alive again.

When I got up, my husband and I took our two children out to dinner. My brother and his wife went out for a date night. My parents went out to eat with their other grandchildren. On my way home from dinner my phone rang and I missed my mother's call. I called back and no one answered. I called again and my father answered. He said my mom was sick and they called an ambulance. I was shocked and confused. After a minute I turned the car around and headed to find them. As I pulled up to the restaurant I saw the ambulance racing down the road. My father had the twins in the car and said he would follow us to the hospital - 45 minutes away. He said she was unconscious but breathing. I contacted my brother on the way to the hospital - he was an hour and a half away. I was so anxious. I was afraid I would not be able to say goodbye. I knew inside it was happening...she was leaving this world. My greatest fear was happening - I was losing my mom. I had that fear for years and was really nervous since she was the same age her mother died.

At the hospital we approached the desk and asked for information on her. While waiting I went to the restroom and when I came out they were moving us to another room. They referred to it as the "family room." I knew it was bad - icu, coma, death? I did my best to stay calm especially with the kids and my father in the room. Then four people walked up and I knew. My chest tightened and my stomach burned. One was a doctor, a nurse, a chaplain and then my mind froze. The doctor spoke and my brain did not work. Get to the point was all I could think. He then said those difficult words...there was nothing more they could do and she died.

She had a massive heart attack. I don't think she felt any significant pain. She told me earlier that morning she felt like she had a heart attack the night before. I thought it was heartburn from the spicy dinner. She never told my husband who is a doctor. I don't think she was sure what had happened or she would have said something to him. At dinner she told my dad she didn't feel well. She asked for a cold wet cloth and said she didn't think she could get up. He paid the bill and when he came back she said to call 911. Then she closed her eyes as if falling asleep. The paramedics were there in 3 mintues. She had a weak pulse and was breathing. Her granddaughter heard her say "I'm sorry" as they put her in the ambulance.

At first I thought she was apologizing for what she thought would be messing up our vacation. I now think she was saying she was sorry but she had to go. It was her time. My mother had said she did not want to live like her father who spent many years in a wheelchair relying on others for help. She continued to smoke even after I begged her to stop because she would rather not live like him. She got her wish. She was losing her mobility and was in pain everyday of her life. She did soldier on and did the best she could. She died the best way possible for her. She had several days of wonderful time together with her husband, two children, daughter-in-law, son-in-law and four grandchildren. She was at one of her favorite places to be - the beach. She even managed the day before to walk on the beach and find a seashell which she had not done in years. I am so happy she did not suffer and she had been with her family.

Selfishly I am begging for one more hug, one more conversation with her. I understand she is gone, but I don't know how to live without her. I had moved to a new city and house just 2 days before our beach trip. Moved closer to my parents and now she is gone. I can't look into the future anymore. It is too confusing and empty. I miss calling her to share the mundane details of my life. There is a void no one can fill. My husband is asking for his wife back. My 3 year old daughter is hugging me to make me feel better because I cannot quit crying. The one person I want advice from is the one person who is gone. I know I must find help and support...my work is only beginning.

Comments for Her Perfect Ending

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Sep 01, 2012
You are blessed
by: Anonymous

Oh, I understand more than you could ever know. I, too, lost my mom 4 weeks ago. I can't tell you it will get better, because we are moving through the void contemporaneously. What a beloved relationship is that of a mother and her daughter. Let's both pray together that God will lead us through this tunnel, because I don't see the light right now. Both of our mothers went out on their own terms, and what a blessing that is and what a blessing they were to us!!

Aug 31, 2012
her perfect ending
by: Anonymous

First i want to say im sorry i know it does not help but ur story is so much like mine in so many ways. I'm 23 years old and i have 3 children. 9 days ago i had two hours left at work i got a phone call from my father saying i needed to get home he thought my mother was having a heart attack she babysit my kids while i worked. I headed to there house to get my kids and head to the hospital. My mother had been complaining for a couple days of chest pain i told her to go to the hospital and she never did. Well i got to her house ambulance was on there way i walked n and seen her laying on her bed lifeless. They did cpr for 3 hours the way to the hospital and at the hospital. Me my dad and 2 brothers was in there and a lady walked in to pray with us i knew then it wasn't good but they were talking about sending her to a different hospital so i had a little hope the only problem she had a very faint pulse which they thought the machine was giving her and she was not breathing on her own so they couldn't transport her until she got a pulse well finally my dad yelled for me and i thought we was going to leave and try to beat the ambulance to the hospital well they shut the door behind me and dad said that was it she was gone i couldn't believe it. I was 23 without my mom. Well she had a massive heart attack and she was 2 years younger than her mom when she passed my mother was 43. My grandmother was 45 and she had also passed from heart problems. But we had planned on taking a vacation to the mountains in 2 wks cabin was already paid for and all. My mother was my best friend your story touched my heart and reading it made me cry it made me think of my mom and how sorry i feel because i no how bad it hurts i too moved close to my mom just to be by her i moved 10 minutes away from her.

Aug 30, 2012
Her Perfect Ending
by: Doreen U.K.

Molly I am sorry for your loss of your mom. It is the worst time leading up to what we fear the most is the one we love may die and not make it. It is part of grief to want to look ahead and in panic the reality hits us that the person we love is never coming back and be part of our lives again. It is as if WE CAN'T BEAR THIS THOUGHT. Just like you I came to live next door to my mom and she is gone and I miss the talks and now my dad has gone into care and moved from next door so that my young sister could look after his as whe was the only one who was able to take this care of our father on. I miss my Dad's phone calls. Still I talk to my sister on Skype and so get to see my Dad also as he is 91yrs. I was caring for my husband Steve at the time and could not take on the care of my Dad also. Steve was slowly dying of cancer and this was a 3yr. battle for me. Steve died of cancer 4 months ago. My days are empty and lonely. I don't want to do anything. I don't know how to live now. I find it hard making even the simplest of decisions. One thing I did do was manage all the home. Paying of bills. Everything to do with the running of the home finances and so this is easier for me than if Steve did this. Steve used to watch me do this and say. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO IT ALL. I wouldn't be able to do this. I know he wouldn't and I wouldn't wish this on him as often it is a heavy load managing all the home, and administration around this. I did voluntary work for 8 yrs. in Mental Health and I learnt a lot including how to manage everything. I developed skills that help me now. I do think that when I am feeling better that I will do voluntary work as this was the best experience of my life. It gave me purpose in life, and fulfillment. But till then I am fixing up the home and doing a project that I give myself to, doing only what I can each day. I do feel better doing something. But there are times I do nothing but watch TV. and this is a good escape. We don't know how to go on after losing our loved ones. It is getting past the PAIN AND GRIEF that is hard. And this is what takes time. I do hope that you have good friends and family to support you at this time as it does make a differance. I know it will be hard on your husband wanting his wife back. If you went and had some grief counselling you would be able to process your grief in a way that would benefit you and your husband. I know that when I did counselling. My life improved and I did become a happier person. Almost like my sorrow evaporated. Sorrow will always be with us in life but at least you do develop skills that help us from day to day. I hope that your days ahead will give you more peace and that you will feel happier in time as we are all with you together in this Grief.

Aug 29, 2012
Her Perfect Ending
by: AA

Thank you from Liverpool for one of the most beautiful tributes I have ever read. It takes a Queen to raise a Princess and I have to say, your most elequent and heartfelt story you were brave enough to share, touched me deeply. Your Mother would be so very proud of you. Love is eternal and never dies. A wise woman said to me at my Mother's funeral 'she will be as much use to you dead, as alive....in time you will realise this to be'. It was an unbelievable prophesy, but it came true. Your Mother will and her love for you will never die, you are testimony to her greatness. Already she has touched my heart, and lives on it you, you brave courageous woman, thank you for sharing your beautiful story and respect to you all x

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