Hi!!

by Jen
(I need a hug!!)

Hi again to you all,

I sit here as lonely as i can, no one to talk to and so here i am!! Two yrs on.
One daughter is out with her 17 yr old boyfriend and the 14 yr old at a sleep over.

Its now 1am in Northern Ireland and im heading to bed.

I wish and can see my Richard sitting next to me but i can't feel him.
I want to be needed, a hug, just even a text.
I'm 40 and need to be needed,
I really do,
My kids need me but I need to be needed,
Even to get myself tidied up to go somewhere.

But where do we start,

I'm lost any ideas?
Where are you all in all this,

I would love to know.

Jen xx

Comments for Hi!!

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Jan 14, 2011
A hug for Jen and evryone else
by: Linda

I read your comment and can literally feel your pain although mine is new .

Four weeks tomorrow my husband of just 8 months died in my arms. If only I could have him in my arms for one more minute, just one!

I cant remember his voice and it's one of the first things that attracted me to him.
Somehow ,and as of yet I dont know how, we WILL get through this, somehow maybe it is just one day at a time. I have sat here in my pj's for the last 3 days and wept, feeling guilty that I haven't taken my dogs for a walk; but I need this for me right now so I am allowing myself to do nothing except...........grieve. I dont feel angry and strangely enough I dont miss him. I sometimes feel he has gone away on a trip and will be back soon.

For all of you, I thank you for reading this and for sharing your grief, as I find it helps me and lets me know that how I feel and what I'm doing is..."NORMAL"

Jan 10, 2011
hi!!
by: jules

Jen - hope you feel hugged by all the lovely people on this site - Hope - your blog is fantastic , and so true - not desperate - not needy - just out there living life - doing what we need to get through -

We all should just feel the hug, and make a coffee - toast each other - and know that we are understood

one step - one breath
take care
jules

Jan 09, 2011
hI
by: Anonymous

Pat you seem so very optimistic (probably not the right word but it all I can think of). I know how bad the hurt is and yet you comfort us. I feel so selfish because all I want to do is cry. I pray for your strength. Thank you

Jan 09, 2011
Hello
by: Colleen

Here I sit in South Africa needing a hug too. Maybe we can all give each other a hug from across the oceans. I wish we could all get together in person so we could cry and laugh together, as no one else seems to get us. Jen I am 46, Bruce died 11 days after by birthday if you like you can e mail me on parkerc@telkomsa.net I would love to hear from you. We are close in age and my daughter is 19. We could help each other with those teenage hormones.

Jan 09, 2011
Who said life is fair (quote from my mom)
by:

Pat J,

In early grief I was angry at all the other couples. I resented the fact that They were still together, still happy...still alive.

I felt cheated/angry that I was Not able to grow old with my honey. He was only 45 when he died. It is so unfair!

But now after a year, I can look at couples and be happy for them. I can smile seeing the love that I once had. Yes I miss him, always will...But at some point and I know not when that is, we take our independence and decide what we want to make of our lives.
HH

Jan 09, 2011
P.S from Hope
by: Anonymous

P.S What would others do if they were lonely?
Go for a walk. Not to get there but to see the beauty around Ireland. I know you have miles of green velvet to explore.

What else might someone do it they needed to get out? You do it too and you might run across someone also exploring. There is so much to see hike and explore go girl go!
Hope

Jan 09, 2011
Back in the saddle again.....
by: Hope

Morning Jen:)

You are so far away and writing about the very thing that I did last night.

How to overcome loneliness 101:

1. Wipe the board clean. The old friends have dried up and gone on their comfortable ways as happens in divorce.

2. Going out wear something besides your (dead) husbands smiley shirt with a flannel over top.
(Have a wee bit of pride and wear a smile)

3. Talk but don't Over talk as I did to the poor woman at Target. Watch their eyes and make it short, friendly and reciprocal. Not desperate.

4. Go places that you normally wouldn't, pull out the paper and go to an outing. Don't forget to put your self confidence in your back pocket and fake it to get started.

5. Go out for a cuppa joe now and then sit at the table close to the window and people watch, no sighing allowed.

6. You can say hello to strangers if you catch their eye, just say Hello remember no over talking.

7. Indulge yourself, bubble baths, that food item that you scoffed at "It's too much!" Get it now and then. Your worth it!

8. Run your shopping cart into a cutie, Oooops forget I said that....again not to act desperate.

9.Be happy with yourself, that is what shows on the outside. Low self esteem is a product of grief. I feel as attractive as a dirty diaper, I know.

10. Remember what my mom said kay sura sura, whatever will be will be (Doris Day song)
Happiness is what happens when we least expect it.
Keep your eyes open for the joy that makes you beautiful. Grief does not always have to make us ugly.

I know that our husband was our Main companion and that we miss having them to talk to. I sure do, but people outside cannot fill that. Not all of it. Just take little sips of conversation, just enough to stay alive. And come here we will always listen until the world realizes how wonderful you are.
HOPE

Jan 09, 2011
Lost in Chicago
by: PatJ

I'm sitting here in the Chicago area lost and alone too. It's only been 5 weeks for me. The pain and loneliness seems to be getting worse every day.

I wish I were in Northern Ireland to give you a hug. I think that's what we miss the most, just the touch of our husbands. Your children are there for you as are mine~but it's not the same. My husband had such big strong hands and I really miss his hugs.

The thought of having another man in my life is something that just doesn't appeal to me. Yes it's only been 5 weeks but I'm sure I'll feel the same in 5 years from now. I had the best and will just have to settle for the wonderful memories.

I don't know about you Jen but it's hard for me to go out and see happy couples together. I hope that gets better. I know I'll never get over the loss of my husband. I guess we just have to count the blessings we still have and learn to live with ourselves. It's not easy though. I'll pray for you and for me. God is really good.

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