Hole in my chest

I am so lost without my true love who died at the age of 31 on April 22, 2012 suddenly in his sleep. We were together for 7 years and now he's gone. I feel like I have no future and I'm stuck in a very bad dream. I didnt get a chance to hold his hand and say goodbye or tell him I loved him one last time.... One second he's here and were planning a summer vacation and the next day he's gone. He called me the night he passed away but I work at night as a nurse so I didn't see the missed call. I wish I would've got the chance to speak to him . I have so many should've, could've and would've that it's killing me.  All the plans we made will never happen. We will never get married or have the daughter we talked about.I feel like my soul has been shredded  into a million pieces.... I cry all the time in the car, at the supermarket, while walking our 2 dogs because  this void in my chest aches everyday. Every second. I wake up in the morning with so much hurt and anxiety dreading the day. People tell me your only 30 years old you have the rest of your life like that will minimize my hurt but  I don't see it that way, I see me miserable without my soulmate for  30, 40, 50+ years. I feel like we didnt have much time together. He literally was my other half, my world and I don't know what to do. Nobody seems to understand that my life will never be the same. I don't know how to let him go when I have all this love for him. I see couples together happy, holding hands and in love and all I think about is that was us almost 2 moths ago. What did we do wrong that we can't grow old together. It's not fair. This hurt and pain is soo unbearable. It's still unbelievable to me that I will never talk to him again or see his beautiful smile. I listen to his voicemail on my cell phone and it's bittersweet because I get to hear his voice but it makes me miss him so much more

Comments for Hole in my chest

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 15, 2012
Changing Focus - New Earth
by: Anonymous

I am around your same age and have no desire to be with anyone other than my love who was tragically taken from me. I can't think about the possibility of the next 30-60 years without him. So, I change my focus. I will see him again, I will touch him again, he will put his arms around me again. It is just a matter of time. How much time? I don't know. It could be any day now, or it could be 60 years. He is just on the other side. He can see me from Heaven, I just can't see him. The Bible says how this life is just a breath in the grand scheme of it all. Seems like one long breath! But, on the new earth, I will finally be able to have all that I will be missing on this fallen earth without him. I look forward to that day. Don't want to think about how painful the wait will be but I know that God will help me through it.

Jun 20, 2012
hole in my chest
by: shaz

im so sorry for your loss.im at the same stages as yourself.its been 16 days since my true love,soulmate was taken away suddenly,he was 46yrs old.my heart goes out to you,and if you were closer id put my arms around you and hug you.all the things your feeling i also feel,i just feel as if im going crazy,and i know i must go through this,but at the same time i want out,i just want to be with nige.please take minute by minute,and then day by day.the pain will eventually subside,so they say.i hope so,as its agonising.take care of you.

Jun 10, 2012
I know exactly how you feel...
by: Anonymous

I lost my Dave on September 5th 2011 - he was 33. His life was taken away from him by a heartless monster.
Months pass by but I am still standing in the same spot when I got the news.
I feel lost and totally devastated - the what ifs plague me.
I write down how Im feeling everyday and tell him what I need to this way
People say time heals - I don't think so - time forces you to live with it and life forces you to move on.
Take one step and one moment at a time- cherish his memories as these are yours and only yours

Jun 03, 2012
I am so Sorry
by: carol,seans mom

I am so sorry for your loss. Different scenerio but same sudden death. My 24 year old son died in his sleep or he didn't wake up and could not be saved on November 15,2011. Like you said we did not get a chance to say goodbye. I was Sean's mom so I know it is a little different. I will still miss out on all the plans I knew he had wanted to do. He wanted a family and his own home some day. I would tell him be patient,you have time. What a line that is to live with now. I never got to tell him one more time how I loved being his mom and how proud of him I was. So many things left unsaid and undone. Sudden death robs us of so much. I hope you find peace and just take one day at a time,one moment at a time.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!