Hole in my heart

by kayla
(California)

I lost my grandpa about 4 days ago and I didn't even get to say goodbye. I was his first girl grandchild and we did so many things together when I was little. He would take me horse back riding and we would sit in front of the barn and feed the chickens and listen to the radio (yes I was a country girl). He would pick up these silly lines from the movies we watched together the land before time was one of our favorites, one of the charcter was petree and this bird had always said the same thing over and over and my grandpa would always say it "nope nope nope and yup yup yup" always made me laugh. When I had to move away I only saw him once a year when I had my girls I tried to take them to see him as much as I could. When I found out he was sick it was hard to beleive it and I just kept taking the time we had for granted thinking I had more time cause he lived along time with this illness. He was just a simple man that loved his coffee in the morning and his Budwiser in the afternoon. We would go fishing and hunting and he loved helping me and my little brother build forts around the farm. All I did was cry that day I found out and being so far away from my family just made it worse. Sucked even more when some of my closes friends were not there for support and my husband just didnt know how to be around me. I just wanted to see him one more time but I know he is not in pain anymore and it was his time. they cremanted him today and will do the service within the next week or so, it hurts that I couldn't be there when they cremated him but I will be there for the service. My mom said when I get there I can pick something from his house to keep, my brother got his beltbuckle he wore everyday and I told her I wanted his hat he wore everyday. I just miss him so much and not a day will go by when I dont think of him, he was a special person to me. I feel so alone with this grieving and this hole in my heart, I guess only time will heal my heart. I love you grandpa

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